Poolman

Maybe it was me, maybe it was the film.. maybe it was the dialogue ... that is time that I will never get back. I could not even find entertainment value in this film. Truly I must have missed the point of Poolman; love the actors and a big fan of their work yet this movie let me down.

Chris, your next project will be the winner. Let's get this on the shelf so others might not find themselves flipping channels and saying the same thing.. that's time I'll never get back.

The idea of intrigue, corruption, film noir and comedy only works with certain filmmakers (I think Coen brothers) so for now, take this review with a grain of salt ..

By day, Darren Barrenman (Chris Pine) is a pool man. With his circle of friends, he is constantly presenting miniscule issues to the city council and filming his never-finished documentary. He is the thorn in the side of council president Stephen Toronkowski (Stephen Tobolowsky). Out of the blue, the mysterious June (DeWanda Wise) recruits him to take down Toronkowski for unknown corruption. Susan Kerkovich (Jennifer Jason Leigh) is his girlfriend. Jack Denisoff (Danny DeVito) is his documentary director. Diane Esplinade (Annette Bening) is his therapist. Wayne (John Ortiz) is his minion.

The story may be riffing off of Chinatown, but the movie is very much looking to imitate The Big Lebowski. Chris Pine is writing and directing. As the lead actor, he is very much doing the Dude. I like his attempt. He's not holding back. He has surrounded himself with plenty of great actors. The problem boils down to the script and filmmaking. In those respects, Pine is no Coen brothers. It's not there in the details and I want changes to the last act.

Everything, and I mean everything about this movie is egregiously bad. An offensive waste of time and talent.

What it is a forensic examination of pool maintenance filmed in the style of Chinatown.....I am not kidding.

I dare anyone to not feel bored by this after half an hour and I double dare them to watch to the end.

Yes Chris, of course you can make a movie with Danny DeVito and Annette Benning and a bunch of your other friends. And, of course you can write it and direct it having done neither of those things before.

The writing, direction, plot, cinematography, acting and editing seek only to confuse and annoy in equal measure.

This may be the worst movie ever made. And I'm still not kidding.

Desperately screaming 'I love and understand Los Angeles', dire stylized dramedy "Poolman" tries laying a veneer of "The Big Lebowski" (without its natural charm) over a twisty plot based on "Chinatown" (that it homages). Titular pool-cleaner Chris Pine (a retro hippie with OCD - sigh) is on a social activism drive (supported by Annette Bening, Danny DeVito, Jennifer Jason Leigh, DeWanda Wise & John Ortiz) against city councillor Stephen Tobolowsky... which pulls him into that shady convoluted plot which also involves the likes of Clancy Brown & Ray Wise. Pine's a fine actor, but his debut as director / co-writer (with fellow debutant Ian Gotler) sucks. Drain it away.

I think Chris Pine's intention was to create an homage to LA noir movies of yesteryear peppered with a bit of crime, a bit of mystery and a bit of dark comedy. Trouble is I don't think any of it landed.

The movie looks good. It's well shot and has the visual feel I imagine was intended.

The plot, rather than being intriguing and complex is an absolute mess, the comedy doesn't land and Pine's attempts to create a deep and tragic lead just result in an annoying, waffling buffoon.

The cast is pretty underused in my opinion. Annette Benning, Danny DeVito and Jennifer Jason-Leigh should be offering plenty of clout but really are bit parts.

Not for me I'm afraid.