Guglielmo Tell

So... I came for arrows and rebellion.

I stayed for moody stares and dramatic cloak-swishing. And I left wondering: was this a freedom fighter or a medieval therapist with anger issues?

Claes Bang plays William Tell like he's auditioning to be the next Batman - dark, brooding, and emotionally constipated. The man shoots maybe one arrow, but delivers about 947 intense silences. Respect.

Ben Kingsley shows up and casually steals every scene with the smug energy of someone who knows this isn't going to win any awards - and doesn't care. Icon.

Highlights: Gorgeous Swiss mountains.

Enough slow-motion stares to power a shampoo commercial.

Historical drama that thinks it's Shakespeare but sometimes feels more like a LARP gone rogue.

Lowlights: Pacing so slow, I checked my pulse. Twice.

A hero with all the charisma of a wet log.

Dialogue so dramatic, it circles back to being hilarious.

Bottom line: It's not a bad movie. It's just very committed to being serious... even when it really shouldn't be. Like wearing full armor to a garden party.

Watch it with wine. Or snacks. Or while folding laundry. You won't miss much if you blink - or nap.

The movie is pretty poor, overall. But that's not what I'm here to flag... by far the most jarring aspect is they've lifted Al Pacino's Peach With Inches speech from Any Given Sunday, in parts practically verbatim, for Tell's rousing the troops before battle. WTF is that all about??

Not even a little bit, a nod to it, huge chunks.

"In any fight, it's the man whose willing to die..."

"You gotta look at the person sitting next to you, look in the eye and ask that person are you willing to die for me..." but delivered in the least inspiring, spine chilling way that it should make Pacino cry himself to sleep.

To all the naysayers sharpening their quills, let's get real: William Tell isn't trying to be Braveheart 2.0 (and thank goodness-no one needs another freedom speech in blue face paint). Instead, this film carves out its own niche with a crossbow and a wink.

Sure, some critics are acting like Tell missed the apple and shot their popcorn instead. But let's give credit where it's due: Claes Bang brings more charisma to the Swiss Alps than Mel Gibson brought to the Scottish Highlands. The villains are deliciously over-the-top-Ben Kingsley could probably glare a mountain goat into submission-and the scenery is so gorgeous you'll want to book a flight to Switzerland (or at least Google it).

Is it perfect? No. But neither is Braveheart (historical accuracy, anyone?). If you're looking for a fun, action-packed legend with a dash of heart and a lot less kilt, William Tell hits the mark. So loosen up, critics-sometimes a movie is just a good time, not a history lesson or a revolution.

Let me know if you want more zingers or specific references!

An adaptation of Friedrich Schiller's 1804 play of "Wilhelm Tell" and story of the Swiss struggle for independence. Where an act of oppression, followed by unnecessary wrongdoing sparks a response that sets off a chain of events that lead to rebellion. Wilhelm Tell, master of the crossbow, involved in a conflict he would have rather not be a part of..

Visually, the film delivers beautiful landscape shots and a believable period piece, with a nicely-colored and dynamic cinematography and an excellent production! Not to mention a rather large cast of actors that present the material with strong performances.

I've read questioning of the "dialogue", but as a foreigner, I found it was easy to follow at all times and no line particularly annoying or useless.

But.. despite this strong execution, the script lacks surprises, intrigue and excitement. Making the predictable plot an expected retelling of this known story.

Don't get me wrong, it is quite solid and engaging enough.. but for 2-hour film that feels a tad long, I expected something more. It's not what I wanted it to be, but I would recommend it still to those interested and those not familiar with the famous character.

I knew nothing about this film going in but sometimes taking a gamble and going in blind can pay off when you find yourself watching a hidden gem. "William Tell" however is just an average watch.

I found the film quite hard to follow because (like in alot of historical dramas) most of the strapping, bearded, heavily armoured warriors look the same, and there's way too many off them to keep up with. This might just be me. But it did have quite a slow pace overall.

There is some decent bloody action (especially toward the end) and alot of breathtaking scenery in the movie. But there are some questionable decisions too. Especially when it comes to some of the cast. With a promising ending for one of the characters not happening. While the ending overall isn't even an ending really.