Marry F*** Kill

When a film is described as a TubiTV original...you know it's probably going to be bad.

So I fully expected this was going to be much worse than it actually was.

Especially considering the title, and introduction of the film.

Plotwise, we have a group of friends returning to a house, where their friend killed herself in a demonic ritual, after having a mental breakdown, when her boyfriend convinces her to participate in an orgy (when she wanted to wait to have sex when they were married).

With, whatever dark force she unleashed, on the prowl, to reap vengeance, in her name.

This demon proceeds to possess his female friends, bang him, and then kill them...as sacrifices meant to bring back his once beloved deceased lover.

It turns out, both individuals came from a family of witches...whom shared a connection as partners in a past life.

Whose union has been foretold to bring forth the antichrist.

The whole thing is rather simply shot.

Which, for a TubiTV original, works in it's favour, as opposed to detriment.

No doubt, it's still a pretty lame film.

But I, personally, expected it to be way worse.

So colour me pleasantly surprised.

Because, while the acting is rather mediocre.

The storyline is actually not too bad.

With a couple twists that actually work in the end.

Thus, as far as films that end up going straight to TubiTV...this is among one of the better films of the class.

3.5 out of 10.

That's 1 hour and 30 minutes I'll never get back.

I can only pity the director, who did her best with what she had to build on - that being a poorly written (and unfinished) synopsis. However, we've seen this genre of camp 'horror' SO many times that the ending could be turned into a game in itself: 'Which of 100 monkeys on typewriters can come up with ANYTHING to add an actual conclusion to this dire excuse for a movie?' Sorry, but no self-respecting B-movie fan would get a kick out of this. It's not even worth a spoiler ... They haven't put anything IN this to spoil.

Acting ... Great (except the stereotype-aunt).

Directing ... She did her best with what she had.

Effects ... (available from any joke shop).

To paraphrase the title ... ' Avoid, avoid, AVOID!

Gathering together at a friend's house, a group of friends shocked to learn of a friend's death decide to stay in the house until after the funeral, but the more they stay the more they find themselves drawn into a deadly supernatural reanimation mystery and must uncover the motivation to leave alive.

Overall, this was a rather fun if problematic effort. One of the better elements here is the solid setup that makes this quite enjoyable. The early setup involving their friend passing away means the group isn't aware of yet we are as we see the whole thing through the occult ritual she's performing at the same time is solid enough and their reopening of old wounds and grievances as a result of being there comes off nicely. These subplots move the film along pretty well introducing several brief supernatural bits and potentially intriguing ideas. This sets up some decent enough genre fare once this gets brought up/ the initial start to things comes with the typical sightings of ghostly figures before seeing the revelation turn up a solid slew of supernatural-tinged sightings due to the twist about what happened. The big reveal of the black magic rites that were being conducted and bringing about the dark reveals involving the nature of the house and their connection, how they're meant to be together and the various rituals that go on all manage to give this some good points. There are some big issues to be had here. The main drawback on display is an dull and dreary pace that just drains the life from the film before it has any chance to do anything. The first half of this is filled with random moments of the group partying at the house or exploring the legacy left behind which only highlights how irritating and unlikable they all are since there's barely anything going on. The lack of supernatural scenes becomes quite obvious as its focus on these increasingly irritating friends keeps interfering with the story. The other issue with this one is the series of rather inane and stupid decision-making going on here that continues their unlikable qualities as before. Numerous points throughout here should denote the group either left the house or at the worst alerted the authorities, and once the bodies start dropping that should be the case although nothing happens and the group remains at the house. It's quite frustrating, similar to an ending that goes on far too long and could've told its story in less time so it limps to a finish. These features are what hold it back.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Brief Nudity, a sex scene, and some drug use.

Funny - my name is Kosmas and I did a short movie called MFK - the K standing for my name, the other two letters ... well you can figure that out yourself I assume! That said, no pun intended. Also I'd like to believe that while the cinematography is way better here, I did an overall better job, when it comes to suspense and story and characters.

But let's leave that aside, if you like horror movies, low budget ones at that, you may find quite a few things you will like here. Acting is ok or decent, the story easy to follow. The twists interesting but predictable - especially towards the end. Will it be enough for you? That's up to you to decide ...

Seriously. Tubi, we need to talk. You need to stop with the whole "Tubi originals" thing. They're bad. Really bad. Laughably bad. Terror Train was an insult to the original, but it was better than this. This is what happens when a cheap as it gets production company makes a movie so bad Lifetime Movie Network doesn't want it. Noy one thing about this is adequate: the script is eyeroll inducingly poor, the acting is as wooden as the lumber section at Lowe's, and the director mails it in. Who could blame her, really? The first two acts are quite poor but the real craptactular is saved for act three, which features some of the mist hilariously inept makeup effects of all time. Avoid.