Monsternado

Inspired by one of the worst, although knowingly stupid, film franchises of recent years and brought to you by the production team of that awful Winnie the Pooh movie earlier in the year and countless other low budget, soft 'prawn' movies.

Everything is terrible. The acting, the plot , the script, the CGI, the direction......everything.

So why give it a two. Well at least they tried. They did succeed in getting a movie movie produced and released ( although I do think that this one actually escaped).

Also, why did a mostly British cast in a movie filmed in the UK speak with American accents. I know it was set in the states but clearly was filmed in London.....whatever.

Needless to say that I wasn't harboring any expectations to this 2023 movie titled "Monsternado". I had not heard about it, prior to stumbling upon it by random chance, and I sort of figured that it would be in the likes of the cheesy "Sharknado" movies. And since I had not heard about it, nor seen it before, then of course I opted to give director Tyler-James a fair chance with this movie.

The storyline in "Monsternado", as written by Derek Miller, is generic, so very, very generic. If you have seen any of the "Sharknado" movies, then you have essentially already also seen "Monsternado". So yeah, you're not in for anything grand here, aside from a generic and predictable plot and storyline. There is a sense of lack of coherency to the storyline, as it is a bit all over the place, as if writer Derek Miller wanted to be everywhere all at once. And it made zero sense that people would go about their daily business and routines on the streets whenever you saw streetviews in the movie, especially since there was supposed to be a massive storm with deadly creatures wrecking havoc on the city. It was just not logical.

There wasn't a single familiar face on the cast list, and that was actually something that spoke in favor of the movie, well aside from Danielle Scott. Yeah, I've seen enough questionable movies to reckognize her. I like seeing unfamiliar talents on the screen when I watch movies, so I was in for a treat here, if you will. The acting performances in "Monsternado" were fair enough for a movie of this type. Just don't go expecting award winning performances and you're not setting yourself up for disappointment.

You would assume that the waters around a massive water spout would be turbulent and tumultuous, but apparently not in this movie. And also, people with long hair near the spouts didn't seem to have billowing hair about them. So there were some serious issues going on with how nature works.

The visual effects in the movie are a mixed bag of nuts in "Monsternado". Some of the CGI looks corny, and some look rather rigid and fake. But then there are some effects that actually look good. But at least they tried their best. And in all honest, then the CGI effects in "Monsternado" weren't among the worst of effects I've seen in movies, and that counts for something to the overall impression of the movie, doesn't it?

And why is it that creature features like this always need to have growling sharks?

While I did manage to sit through all 81 minutes, I can honestly say that "Monsternado" is not a movie that I will ever return to watch a second time.

My rating of "Monsternado" lands on a generous three out of ten stars.

Plot

A tornado, infested with prehistoric monsters, has formed in the Bermuda Triangle, and is making its way towards land. Now the city must fight to survive against these deadly creatures.

Cast

Usual suspects Danielle Scott and May Kelly ham it up and Jase Rivers is just terrible.

Verdict

It appears Sharknado has started it's own sub-genre, as if Clownado wasn't bad enough now we have Monsternado and it's beyond abyssmal.

So to be clear there's no logical explanation for it, the "Monsters" are mostly animals or exaggerated versions of them and as you'd imagine the CGI ranges from bad down to Spectrum graphics.

The cast are weak, but our girls who play FBI agents oh dear that's next level cringe inducing levels of "Acting" and I couldn't use that word me loosely.

Monsternado is on par with Sharknado in that it's ugly, nobody in front of the camera is trying, nobody behind the camera knows what they're doing and it'll entertain you in the same way as a carrier bag blowing in the wind does. Namely you have no idea why you're even watching it.

Rants

You know instances where a person will defend someone who is entirely talentless and the reason is that they're attracted to them. Such as girls with boy bands or guys with the Kardashians! May Kelly is one for me, I like seeing in in films and appreciated seeing her here! Sadly the girl has the acting aptitude of a bag of farts.

Breakdown

Interesting premise CGI is very poor Acting is non-existent Oozes incompetence at every stage.

Following a series of unnatural meteorological incidents, a scientist realizes the time has come when the events have triggered an unnaturally-sized waterspout to steer towards the city and bring with it an assortment of prehistoric creatures trapping him and other patrons inside a hotel they have to battle through to escape.

This was a pretty solid and enjoyable creature feature. One of the finer features here is the rather cheesy nature of the overall storyline which comes about unnaturally but attempts to make some kind of internal logic. The idea of the weather events happening through the magnetic waves from the Bermuda Triangle and radiating out into the massive waterspouts filled with ancient sea creatures and other prehistoric beings that threaten the city is admittedly goofy but carries enough internal connections with the various ramblings about the area to be somewhat feasible. That it all builds into a city-wide invasion from the creatures and the escalating destruction it all causes serves the film nicely enough to be a wholly worthwhile starting point. From here, this provides the launching pad for a slew of fun encounters with the various creatures. The multitude of creatures on display, from octopuses, sharks, crocodiles, and prehistoric insects, are utilized quite nicely here with each one having a solid attack sequence to get to knock someone off in a fun encounter throughout the hotel as the insects take out the lobby, the sharks and crocodiles are shown stalking the hallways inside and the dinosaurs are on the outside picking off stragglers who are standing near windows with their guard down. It's all entertaining enough with the kind of solid non-stop pace that it stays enjoyable throughout. These factors provide the film with a lot to like about it even though there are some issues with this one that hold it back. Among the main issues here is the wholesale cheesy nature of the storyline that jumps around to disaster after disaster to the point of never feeling coherent or logical. The disbelieving nature everyone has to the calamities being faced, standing around watching waterspouts filled with creatures swirling around, running away into the line of danger, and simply going along with whatever happens in such an unnatural manner that it draws attention to itself simply for how it all plays out. That so much of this comes about because of the CGI being ill-equipped for the backing plates they're inserted into does come across the wrong way as well and overall does the film a lot of damage. That does lead into the other issue with the film where it has way too many subplots to carry itself along when it does. The series of exploits involving the government agents having to deal with the loose-cannon conspiracies and theories is fine enough, but to suddenly interject the idea of the liaison being a betrayer from years ago and doing so again has no purpose other than to make for a surprising twist. The hotel patrons each having their own sidestories is, again, quite natural and logical but it's a case of the wrong time and place to suddenly start worrying about these factors when they're being swarmed by vicious creatures as it mostly serves to set them up for an attack that didn't need to happen. Overall, these are what bring this one down.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language and Violence.

So apparently, the Director and producer got together and decided that they would approach a hotel in the backside of nowhere in the middle of London.

As far as I can see everything was filmed inside the hotel except hilariously for two shots which were in the street outside. I'm not kidding. I checked it out on Google Maps and it's right outside the front door.

My theory is that they persuaded somebody in the hotel that this would be great PR and they all had an absolute blast running up and down and sticking badly rendered CGI in the background, in return for a few free nights accommodation, and no doubt some epic drinking sessions.

One of the highlights of the film was the flyover Dublin city. Particularly the Liffey. I think they reversed the shot in order to try and hide it but they just flipped it over. The Dublin Civic offices were on the wrong side of the river. A stock shot which they bought no doubt.

Finally, I couldn't help, but notice that several of the women look like men in drag. I have no problem with that, but you'd have to ask yourself the question why? I would say hangovers.

In conclusion, this is worth the five minutes I spent fast forwarding through it and laughing heartily throughout. Fair play guys. You did it and enjoyed it and some people watched it. Destined to be a cult classic. If you can get this thing made, you can do anything! It.