Christmas at the Amish Bakery

Needless to say that I had, indeed, never heard about the 2023 Christmas movie "Christmas at the Amish Bakery". Well, I don't have a habit of traversing in all things Amish, so there was that to take into account. Regardless, I had the opportunity to watch the movie here in 2024, as part of my December Christmas movie marathon, and opted to do so, without knowing what I was in for. Though, the movie's cover does ooze with the archetypical sappy Christmas presentation, but the 'Amish' part of the movie's title was a little bit off-putting.

Regardless, I watched the movie, and found it to be a watchable, though somewhat generic and stale Christmas movie. Writers Scott Kirkpatrick and Jennifer Snow opted to play it relatively safe and bet on the archetypical sappy Christmas tropes, for better or worse. Sure, if you enjoy the generic sappy Christmas movies, then you're in for a treat here. But I sat down to watch it as a casual viewer, so I wasn't particularly impressed with the storyline.

I was not familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, and that is actually something I do enjoy when I sit down to watch a movie. I will say that the acting performances in the movie were fair, despite the fact of the actors and actresses having a generic and bland script to work with.

Watchable, sure, but hardly a memorable or outstanding foray into the Christmas movie genre. I found it to be a rather forgettable movie, and I bet that come tomorrow I will have forgotten about the movie. The movie definitely didn't have the contents to become a Christmas classic.

My rating of director Jeff Hare's 2023 movie "Christmas at the Amish Bakery" lands on a four out of ten stars.

Wow, what can I say? This was a complete waste of my time. I can't believe I sat through this, I only did because I was home sick and bored. The acting was so dull and lifeless and there's absolutely no chemistry between Sarah and Dean. The Dad with his "ahh" and "wells" grunting noises was laughable. These "actors" really shouldn't quit their day job. I've seen better acting at my local school musicals and plays.

They really needed to do better research when doing an Amish movie. Their clothes, they way they spoke was way off. Just terrible.

Do yourself a favor and skip this one, or it might be good one if you suffer from insomnia.

This is a formulaic Christmas romance. The only thing that stands out is that the story is set in Amish culture.

The characters are stock figures without much depth. The two leads do not have on-screen chemistry. The dialogue is wooden and all too predictable.

It seems the producers thought adding the word 'Amish' to the title would make the movie more popular, or at least draw more interest. It worked with me, but the movie failed to deliver. This movie is a trifle, which I guess it was meant to be.

There are better things to do during this season than watch this movie. This movie is not recommended.

Christmas at the Amish Bakery is one of those holiday films that teeters on the edge of sincerity and absolute absurdity. Directed by someone who presumably has a Pinterest board titled "Generic Christmas Aesthetic," the movie manages to both baffle and delight with its unintentional hilarity, making it an oddly perfect watch-especially if you're looking for a laugh and perhaps have taken an edible beforehand.

The premise is standard Hallmark-inspired fluff: A big-city pastry chef, Rachel, retreats to Amish country after a career setback to rediscover her love for baking and, of course, herself. There she meets Isaac, a stoic but dreamy Amish baker who reluctantly agrees to teach her the "true" art of breadmaking. Throw in a dash of Christmas magic, a clunky love triangle, and a subplot about the bakery facing foreclosure, and you've got yourself a holiday romance. On paper, it's all very predictable. But in execution, Christmas at the Amish Bakery is so awkwardly crafted that it achieves a kind of accidental brilliance.

The Dialogue: A Comedy of Errors

The dialogue in this movie is truly next-level bad. Every conversation feels like it was written by someone who just skimmed a Wikipedia article about the Amish and decided to fill in the blanks with awkward pauses and generic platitudes. Lines like "In the Amish way, the bread rises... and so do our hearts" are delivered with such earnestness that you can't help but laugh. The conversations between Rachel and Isaac are particularly painful (and hilarious), alternating between heavy-handed moral lessons about "simpler living" and painfully forced romantic tension.

What makes the dialogue even funnier is how seriously the actors take it. Isaac delivers every line with the gravitas of a Shakespearean monologue, even when he's saying things like, "We do not use electricity, but our hearts are always lit." Watching this movie while under the influence of an edible turns these moments into comedic gold. You find yourself wondering how the actors kept a straight face-until you realize they probably didn't.

The Smiling Sister

The standout, however, is Hannah, Isaac's perpetually smiling sister. No matter the situation-whether she's churning butter, delivering grim news about the bakery's finances, or simply standing in the background-her face is frozen in an unrelenting, almost eerie smile. At first, you assume it's a quirk of her character, but as the movie progresses, it becomes clear that this is either a directorial choice or the actress's inability to emote in any other way.

Hannah's eternal grin turns mundane scenes into comedic masterpieces. When she delivers a line like, "If we lose the bakery, we lose everything," with the same cheerful expression she uses while frosting cookies, you can't help but burst out laughing. It's as though the actress misinterpreted the assignment and thought she was in a toothpaste commercial instead of a melodramatic Christmas movie.

The Production

From a technical standpoint, the movie feels rushed. The set design is generic, the costumes look like they were purchased from an Amish-themed party store, and the cinematography leans heavily on soft filters that make every scene look like a perfume ad. The Amish bakery itself is hilariously inauthentic, featuring suspiciously modern kitchen equipment and an inexplicable abundance of Christmas lights (despite the Amish community's disdain for electricity).

Yet somehow, all these flaws add to the film's charm. It's so incompetently made that it loops back around to being enjoyable. Watching the movie feels like you're in on a private joke with the filmmakers-one they didn't realize they were making.

Final Thoughts

Is Christmas at the Amish Bakery a good movie? Absolutely not. But is it an entertaining one? Without question. It's the kind of film that's perfect for a group watch with friends (and perhaps some holiday edibles) when you're in the mood to laugh at something completely ridiculous.

Between the cringe-worthy dialogue, the perpetually smiling Amish sister, and the overall lack of self-awareness, Christmas at the Amish Bakery might just be the funniest Christmas movie of all time-unintentionally, of course. Whether that's the kind of holiday spirit you're looking for is up to you, but if nothing else, this movie is proof that even the worst films can bring a lot of joy.

7.1 stars.

This is the story of a city girl in Chicago, who grew up in an Amish family. She is now a writer and assistant, editor of sorts at a magazine, or whatever. She is assigned a task to make an original cookbook something much different. She decides to use her Amish family recipes, at least her boss tells her she should, so she goes home Amish country to see her family and create the cookbook.

There isn't a whole lot more to the story, she realizes that maybe she doesn't want to do the cookbook, her family isn't enthusiastic about it, they aren't privy to her intentions. The rest of the story is about her getting reacquainted with her family and falling in love with a man who has been helping the family. This gentleman also has a daughter named Zoe and she's a nice addition to the film.

There were many ways this could've been better, but they kept it very low-key and relaxed, not much tension, not much drama just a standard holiday spent in a quiet community.