H4wke

Grinds the '99 line of practical and computer-generated effects flawlessly. There's a palpable texture to every scene: the brutal grit of the Egyptians clashing with the unstoppable charm of Fraser.

Elastic choreography; erosion transitions; seething, screaming walls of sand; horror laced with comedy, romance wrapped in terror. No ink wasted on the page - pulp perfected.

Short, snappy scenes that tell you to stuff your precious tension up your nostrils and whirl it around. We have places to be, plagues to see, and I simply will not let your precious film-going sensibilities get in the way of my lit dynamite. Back the hell off, dweebs.

I really wanted to love this one. It started off pretty rough for me; the ambition of the opening is cool but it feels limited by the one-shot gimmick and rather uninspired choreography.

I was so initially turned off by this that it took a while for the two charismatic leads to win me over. When the film isn't singing or dancing, it's pretty moving.

It's a film about going forward, and the sacrifices that come with it; themes never properly hit because of the musical style being so intertwined with the past - my favourite song was unashamedly the more adventurous entry from John Legend, which was presented in-film as a bit lame. Still, there were a few bops here or there.

You can pick this film to shreds and find relevant details to the whole, I just wish something shone to me through all its meticulous parts.

Too much pollution in LA I guess.

Knocks the daylights out of not only CTE prospectors but also any artifices to hide the fact that this is a movie.

Goon blitzes through its plot; things just happen because that's how this reality works, idiot, and the understated jokes and sick perspective shots seep through the cracks, creating a hearty meal that, if deconstructed, would taste horrible to me. I'm not sure if this is intentional or not - either way I don't care.

As someone with thousands of hours invested in field hockey my bias is screaming at me to turn away, flee, get off the ice. But alas, my place, my purpose, is to (watch) Goon.