Films to Watch in the Year 2023

7/10
So. Indiana Jones goes back to the future…

There are a few movie characters I’m willing to offer carte blanche to, but I’m not blind (looking at you Predator in “The Predator”)
Luckily Dr. Jones’ latest/last adventure is chuck full of fun moments, set pieces and features an absolutely game Harrison Ford, so I really don’t need to make any excuses.

Is the script perfect? No.
Are there a bit too much iffy CGI? Yes.
Do all the characters work? No.

But Indiana still cracks one hell of a whip and the fedora fits as snugly as ever.

This is a film, first and foremost for the fans, if you see yourself as one, go see it on the biggest screen and enjoy, especially the magnificent low-key ending. It’s quite something.

Hope you like it.

9/10
Infinitely Pool is what White Lotus would be like if it stayed up for three days straight and then did every recreational drug under the sun.

As long as I can remember Brandon Cronenberg’s father David have always been one of my absolute favorite directors, who over the years have left an indelible mark on me,as a result of his amazing body of work.
Well. Enter his son who started out strong with Antiviral, then blew me away with possessor (a masterpiece and my favorite film of 2020) only to follow that up with another goddamn masterpiece (what’s in the tape water at the Cronenberg household?)
Infinitely Pool is definitely not for everyone. But you’re the adventurous type and don’t mind copious amounts of sex, gore or just outright batshit crazed depravity than this pool is definitely one you’ll want to take a swim in.
So no more hiding in the shadows of his trailblazing dad.
Jr. can now take his rightful place, shoulder to shoulder with the great man.

Oh… and Mia Goth is fucking goddess!

7/10
A film of two half really.
While the first part of the movie, which focuses exclusively on a pack of sexworkers and their daily endeavors, is incredibly original, engaging and even moving, the second part takes a turn into horror territory and things ultimately becomes a little muddled and cliched as a result.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a hell of a movie, which offers a sympathetic portrayal of people on the fringe of society and it’s also a Christmas movie, so it has that going on as well.

7/10
If you enjoy a good period murder mystery and excellent scenery chewing thespians, there should be a lot to like about this movie.

7/10
The titular Ursus americanus gets into some uncut cocaine and goes full Tony Montana on the guests at its residential natural park. Coke n’ limbs will fly.
If that sounds like your type of jam then it probably is.
Despite the fact that the film features too many characters and occasional iffy CG, it’s still a hell of a good time and the doped up black bear is a joy to behold, whenever she’s on screen.

5/10
While there is certainly things to like about this micro-budget found-footage shocker, there’s one glaring issue that needs to be addressed.
In what universe is a runtime of 110min acceptable for this kind of fare.
I really don’t think that the filmmakers are aware what kind of damage these excessive runtimes are doing to their films.
You made a bare-boned, largely experimental found footage on minuscule budget (you should be proud of that) now cut that shit down to 75min.
You’re not Stanley Kubrick, for fuck sack!

4/10
Over the years director Ryuhei Katamura have made a few gory guilty pleasures of mine, sadly I don’t see his latest feature joining that list.
This film is utterly unoriginal, populated by stock characters and the overall story more than a little ridiculous.
It does redeem itself a bit in the last fifteen minutes but by then it’s frankly too little too late. A damn shame.

6/10
Extreme horror film from Belgian certainly isn’t one to put a smile on your face and the movie could have used a bit of a trim in the editing room.
But if you’re a fan of “The New French Extremity” horror movies of the 00s it’s ultimately worth a watch.

4/10
This sadly turned out to be a disappointment, Hindered by one dimensional characters, hokey expositional dialogue and an all round weak storyline.

3/10
Trauma-porn inexplicably turns into a creature feature. If that sounds like a rather strange concoction, it’s because it is (and not in a good way either)
The film is also pretty dull, so it didn’t do a lot for me.

5/10
What a weird tonal mess this film was.
Don’t get me wrong I didn’t hate it but given the aforementioned reason it was impossible to stay invested in the story.
Maybe if think “Straw Dogs” needed leprechauns, you’ll have a better time. I personally don’t.

6/10
While the film certainly does deliver on the blood n’ gore, I’m still left feeling a bit disappointed by this latest chapter in the long running franchise.
I thought a new environment would bring a fresh sense of chaos to the series, but it really doesn’t make much of a difference (I’m assuming due to budget constraints) and only made the discovery of the book that much more convoluted.
The characters and story are also on the dull side, which makes the slow build towards the meat of the story, a bit of a chore to get through.
Then again you could certainly do worse with some of the cinematic drivel that passes for horror these days, although I was expecting more from an Evil Dead movie.

7/10
Finland delivers this highly enjoyable B-movie amalgamation of action, war movie and western as lean n’ mean as possible.
If you have an soft spot for old school “wham bam thank you ma’am” mayhem, this should do nicely.

9/10
A fragmented narrative (though slyly appropriate given the subject matter) and a three hour runtime, consisting mostly of heavy dialogue, might not sound like the most enjoyable time at the movies but we are truly in the hands of a master filmmaker here, who despite the aforementioned characteristic still somehow manages to deliver the most pulse pounding epic of the year so far. Everyone involved brings their absolute A game and the production is an definite triumph of large scale cinematic craftsmanship. If you’re at all interested in seeing this, find the biggest screen with the most advanced sound system, sit back and let it engulf you.

3/10
Could this beloved children’s icon potentially make it as a ruthless slasher villain?
Perhaps.
But it sure as hell isn’t going to happen while he’s aligned with this worthless group of amateur, would-be “filmmakers”.
I’ll play nice and give the movie a few extra stars for the decent gore effects, but if you don’t value that sort of stuff, then I’m afraid there’s little to nothing else on offer to recommend it.

5/10
So-so slasher is competently directed by ol’ pro of bone breaking John Hyams (seriously, his universal soldier films are amazing!) but sadly derailed by a pretty weak script.
On a more personal note, these days I find it an almost insurmountable task to engage with movies that pervasively features Covid as a plot point. This can hardly be blamed on the filmmakers and I only mention it as a warning to those who might feel inclined to share this sentiment, as it will undoubtedly compromise their enjoyment of the film.
But all in all the movie ultimately represents a decent time waster.

6/10
Alternative title: Homer’s The Odyssey on crack cocaine.
It really does feel like Ari Aster is taking the piss for three hours straight.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of laughter to be had in watching a gleeful sadistic puppetmaster writer/director place his creation, the anxiety riddled man-child Beau in a string of horrible scenarios, each one more hellacious and bizarre than the last but while there’s a lot of peaks in this mammoth films excessive runtime there sure as hell are some jarring valleys as well.
So while I appreciate the originality and artistry I nevertheless scoff at the unfocused and self-indulgent nature of this work.
Still. Better for a movie to be an interesting mess than competently bland.

8/10
Unfortunately, Martin Scorsese’, one of greatest filmmakers in the history of cinema, latest epic falls just shy from being the masterpiece I had hoped it would’ve been (a tighter edit and a more subtle narrative, would probably have clinched it)
But, make no mistake about it, its still one hell of a picture, immaculately crafted and acted (newcomer Lily Gladstone is a revelation) that successfully tells an important story about another dark chapter in American history.
If you’re at all interested in the subject matter, the director or the cast, I can’t think of a single reason why you shouldn’t go out and support this great film at the theatre.

9/10
pearls before swine!
You all would rather bum up shits creek with a bunch of smurf cunts fucking about in water or jack off to marvel dicks then take a chance on real, unbridled, honest to goodness art.
For fucking shame!
Damien Sayre Chazelle has crafted an undisputed masterpiece and you fucking people make blue Pocahontas part: who gives a fuck, it’s the same fucking shit a $2billion movie?
The oceans should rise, the forests should burn, the whole fucking planet should perish, all so you cunt philistines could face the most agonizing of all ends.

Where was I… oh yeah! Babylon is a fantastic movie, go see it, if you get a chance.

Ps. Note to self…Remember to take your meds!

5/10
I had envisioned a somewhat darker and more sinister film than the one I ultimately watched.
I can certainly see someone making the argument that the movie is indeed more insidiously layered upon further analysis, but I still don’t think that shines through in the final presentation.
The film, more or less, comes off as a goofy rom-com, with a bit of a quirk in its step and as a result I deem it an insouciant disappointment.

4/10
While it starts off mildly intriguing with a fun performance by Nicolas Cage, it soon becomes painfully apparent that this is just a lazily written crime film, a sort of “A History of Violence” for dummies if you will.

8/10
Very reminiscent of Jean-Pierre Grumbach Le Samouraï, Fincher’ latest is cold, calculating and swift and efficient in it brutally.
This is a class A production and Fassbender is a marvel as the remorseless killer.

7/10
Cute little girl and her hottie dancer aunt are trying their hardest to fend off mobsters, monsters and a coven of witches in this frankly bonkers film from one of the directors behind the [REC] films.
The blood flies freely as do the WTF moments.
I was a bit down when I initially started to watch this film but really hit the sweet spot and left me with a big ol’ smile on my face.

Thanks movie, you made my day.

7/10
Graphically gory and incredibly sleazy, yet also undeniably bizarre and even somewhat cartoonish, such is the paradox of Chad Ferrin latest offering.
I had a great time with this movie (despite its excessive length) but be warned. If you’re easily offended, just ignore this movie.

Sidenote: Holy shit! Kate Patel is an absolute stunner!

7/10
I absolutely love this wicked idea for a movie and had such high hopes for its awesome premise, which unfortunately left me feeling a tad disappointed when I watched it.
The film isn’t bad by any means, just too predictable in its narrative structure to offer up many surprises or successfully subvert the very unique themes of the story.
It does however have one of the most chilling denouncements in recent memory which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up in the best way possible. It’s a good film but my expectations where ultimately too high.