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Hands up who’s been singing ‘Goldfish-ohs nibbling at my toes’ for the last 32 years.

Not continuously. You’d be arrested. But on every occasion you’ve sung the Red Dwarf theme song in the past three decades – over the top of an episode’s opening credits, say, or alone, in the bath, you’ve sung that as the seventh line instead of the real lyric which is ‘Goldfish shoals’.

Don’t feel bad about it. Probably, when you first heard the song at age eight, you didn’t know the word ‘shoal’, but you did, thanks to global consumerism and the virulence of 1980s America’s pop cultural hegemony, know what Cheerios were, so your brain did the rest. It’s not worth beating yourself up over. We’re all just doing the best we can.

The point is, according to Red Dwarf composer Howard Goodall, who also came...

Mark Harrison Oct 19, 2017

Siliconia is a staggeringly ambitious episode that shows exactly what Red Dwarf can do in the Dave era...

This review contains spoilers.

See related Star Trek: Discovery episode 1 review - The Vulcan Hello Star Trek: Discovery episode 2 review - Battle At The Binary Star Star Trek: Discovery episode 3 review - Context Is For Kings

12.2 Siliconia

“Our heads are sensibly shaped.”

Kryten is inarguably Red Dwarf's most iconic character. The rubbery, angular mask of the mechanoid head is a marvellous design that should probably stifle any actor wearing it, but Robert Llewellyn's performance has only become more impressive over time. In terms of design and personality, he's the character who could scarcely belong to any other show.

Aside from Llewellyn, only a few other actors have donned the mechanoid get-up in previous episodes, but a lot of what we see in Siliconia feels like it's been...

No single story, no single film can capture the phenomenon that was The Beatles. But collectively, these examinations offer insight into the band’s impact on music and culture.

Such is the challenge when it comes to The Beatles’ landmark album “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band,” which is celebrating the 50th anniversary of its release – and the 50th year that it has blown away music aficionados. Thinkpieces and tributes to the groundbreaking album have been in the news lately, trying to capture just how innovative and important it was to the music scene. Named No. 1 on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Albums of All Time list, “Sgt. Pepper’s” topped the charts for 15 weeks in the U.S. and 27 in the U.K. In other words, it was and is still a big deal.

Read More: 10 Great Music Documentaries You Can Stream Right Now

The PBS documentary special “Sgt.

Pete Dillon-Trenchard Oct 6, 2016

Every episode of Red Dwarf is somebody's favourite, but Give And Take certainly isn't Pete's...

Note: This is our spoiler-filled review of episode 3 of Red Dwarf XI, currently available on the UKTV Play app. It aired on Dave at 9pm on Thursday the 6th of October.

As we noted a few weeks ago, Red Dwarf has undergone a lot of changes over its 18-year history, at each stage picking up new fans who are attracted to the show in one particular format. This, combined with the highly subjective nature of comedy, means that it’s impossible for Red Dwarf XI to please everybody all the time. Twentica and Samsara, both of which we thought were fantastic episodes, have attracted everything from wild enthusiasm to hard-boiled pessimism - and nobody seems to be able to agree on which one was better.

Give And Take, the third episode of the series,...

Rock and Roll Forever Foundation founder Steven Van Zandt recalls his first Beatles song: "Yeah, it was I Want to Hold Your Hand." Photo: Anne-Katrin Titze

Steven Van Zandt and Paul Shaffer hosted the Imagine, Apple Corps and White Horse Films New York première of Ron Howard's The Beatles: Eight Days A Week - The Touring Years at Village East Cinema last night. Elvis Costello, Sigourney Weaver, Larry Kane, Whoopi Goldberg, Eddie Izzard, Howard Goodall, and The Beatles: A Hard Day's Night and Help director Richard Lester share their memories in Howard's loving Beatles tribute, written by Mark Monroe.

Julie Taymor, Paul Rudd and Bobby Cannavale at The Beatles: Eight Days A Week - The Touring Years reception Photo: Anne-Katrin Titze

The Apollo 13 and A Beautiful Mind director's latest film erupts like a sudden familiar, yet fresh, scent that engulfs you and carries you back to a place half-imagined,...

The critically acclaimed five star West End production, Bend It Like Beckham: The Musical, opened to a packed house last night at London’s Phoenix Theatre Amongst the audience were familiar faces including Omid Djalili,Naughty boy, Madhu & Sulaiman from Signature, Anita Anand, Nihal, Adil Ray, Vanessa Feltz, Graham Norton, Juliet Stevenson, Lily Collins, Indira Verma and Manish Bhasin.

Adapted by Gurinder Chadha and Paul Mayeda Berges from the 2002 smash hit film of the same name, Bend it Like Beckham: The Musical follows Jess, a talented young football player torn between following in the footsteps of her hero David Beckham, or living up to family expectations of university, career and marriage.

Scored by Howard Goodall (Love Story, The Hired Man) with the collaboration of pioneer of the British Bhangra sound, composer and performer Kuljit Bhamra and lyrics by Charles Hart (Phantom of the Opera, Aspects of Love, Love Never Dies...

The task of transforming a popular movie into a stage musical is a tough challenge that has brought successes (Billy Elliot), and disappointments (Made in Dagenham), so Gurinder Chadha's idea of bringing her 2002 film Bend It Like Beckham to the West End was an intriguing one.

The majority of the feel and the plot of the original film remains in the musical. Set in suburban west London, it focuses on Jess, who worships David Beckham and has a desire to play football that doesn't fit in with her Punjabi Indian parents' plans.

She secretly plays for her local women's football team and soon falls in love with coach Joe, which creates a difficult love triangle with her best friend Jules, a role which helped transform Keira Knightley into an international star.

The film's musical leaning lends itself well for a musical adaptation, and composer Howard Goodall and lyricist Charles Hart...

The cast of upcoming West End musical Bend It like Beckhamgave a rousing performance of the show’s opening number ‘UB2’ to a star studded audience at last Friday’s Asian Awards. The evening, hosted by Gok Wan, was attended by icons of the stage and screen including the legendary Shah Rukh Khan, former one direction member Zayn Malik, national treasures Sanjeev Bhasker and Meera Syal.

Adapted by Gurinder Chadha and Paul Mayeda Berges from the 2002 smash hit film of the same name, Bend it Like Beckham: The Musical follows Jess, a talented young football player torn between following in the footsteps of her hero David Beckham, or living up to family expectations of university, career and marriage.

Scored by Howard Goodall (Love Story, The Hired Man) with the collaboration of pioneer of the British Bhangra sound, composer and performer Kuljit Bhamra and lyrics by Charles Hart (Phantom of the Opera,...

Gurinder Chadha and the cast of the West End show Bend It Like Beckham last night revealed the first song ‘UB2’ from the highly anticipated musical.

The song is a tribute to Southall (postcode UB2) and features the cast setting the scene for the show.The accompanying video was shot on the streets of Southall before rehearsals began. The cast spent a day singing, dancing and stopping traffic, and took over one of the most iconic streets in west London.

Chadha said of the filming and the track: “UB2 is where Jess lives, and where I lived. We wanted to get people to start to feel the essence and heart of the music, and the best way was to bring it to life here in the heart of the community.”

London previews begin for the new British musical Bend It Like Beckham on 15 May 2015 with opening night on 24 June 2015.

Natalie Dew...

Bend It Like Beckham has offered a first look at its West End cast.

A stage adaptation of the 2002 film will open at the Phoenix Theatre in London on June 24, with previews from May 15.

Natalie Dew will lead the cast of the play as football-crazy Jess, with Lauren Samuels playing Jules and Jamie Campbell Bower in the role of coach Joe.

Ronni Ancona, Jamal Andréas, Preeya Kalidas, Tony Jayawardena and Natasha Jayetileke will also star in the play.

Gurinder Chadha will direct the adaptation of her own hit film, with original music by Howard Goodall, lyrics by Charles Hart and a new book by Paul Mayeda Berges and Chadha.

The original film starred Parminder Nagra, Keira Knightley, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Anupam Kher, Shaznay Lewis and Archie Panjabi.

Tickets for Bend It Like Beckham are on sale now.

Gurinder Chadha’s hit film Bend It Like Beckham is being readied for the West End stage and following a host of auditions and workshops, the cast for the highly anticipated stage version Bend It Like Beckham the Musical has been formally announced.

Natalie Dew will play football crazy Jess with Lauren Samuels as Jules, a player with the Harriers, a local women’s football team, and Jamie Campbell Bower as their coach Joe. The three young leads will be supported by some familiar faces, including comedian Ronni Ancona who plays Paula, Jules’s Mum, with Jamal Andréas as Jess’ good friend Tony.

Preeya Kalidas who appeared in the original film as one of the cousins, will take on the role of Pinky, Jess’ sister and Tony Jayawardena andNatasha Jayetileke take on the all important roles of her parents, Mr and Mrs Bhamra.

Jess needs extra time. She is facing...

The world premiere of the new British stage musical Bend It Like Beckham, directed by Gurinder Chadha, with original music by Howard Goodall, lyrics by Charles Hart, a new book by Paul Mayeda Berges and Gurinder Chadha, has found its leading lady. The Daily Mail writes that newcomer Natalie Dew will star as 'Jess' at the Phoenix Theatre this summer.

New stage musical Bend It Like Beckham will have its world premiere at the Phoenix Theatre in London's West End next spring.

Gurinder Chadha will direct the adaptation of her own 2002 hit movie, with original music by Howard Goodall and lyrics by Charles Hart and a new book by Paul Mayeda Berges and Chadha.

"Developing Bend It Like Beckham for the stage has been the most enjoyable creative process of my career so far," Chadha said.

"It was always my intention to build on the film and to present its themes and storylines to live audiences in an exciting new dynamic way."

She continued: "I have been inspired by musicals ever since I was a little girl, now with Bend It Like Beckham, such a familiar story to so many, I believe we are presenting a totally new kind of musical - part West End, part London Punjabi, but wholeheartedly British.

Monday, June 30, at 10:30 a.m. Pst was probably not the best time to call Gurinder Chadha. As a reporter interested in her thoughts on this year’s World Cup, I really should have known better: The France v. Nigeria game was wrapping up with about 20 minutes to go.

Chadha, who is based in London, is the director, writer, and producer of 2002’s Bend It Like Beckham, which tells the story of an 18-year-old girl who rebels against her Sikh parents’ traditionalism to pursue a career in soccer. Chadha’s ultimate goal—get it?—was to draw attention to the...

Music from Sherlock and Doctor Who is to be played on an upcoming Classic FM programme.

Composer Howard Goodall's weekly show Saturday Night at the Movies is to have a dedicated TV special later this month, featuring scores from some of TV's most popular series.

Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones, Broadchurch and Red Dwarf will also be among the shows featured.

Geoffrey Burgon's score from Tom Baker's Doctor Who episode 'Terror of the Zygons' in 1975 will be played on the programme, along with Murray Gold's 'Rose's Theme' from 2005's 'The End of the World'.

'Together or Not at All' from 'The Angels Take Manhattan' - which was played during the emotional departure of Amy Pond and Rory Williams - will also feature.

The programme will be split into four sections, with the first focusing on period drama, including Brideshead Revisited, The Hour, Foyle's War and more.

On May 6th, British filmmaker Gurinder Chadha (Bend it Like Beckham) will have her work showcased at the prestigious New York Indian Film Festival. They will be highlighting Bhaji on the Beach, which debuted 20 years ago, if you can believe it. Her debut feature film tells the tale of group of women of Indian descent who take a trip together from their home in Birmingham, England to the beach resort of Blackpool. As the trip progresses we learn more about these women and the issues in their lives. In case you haven’t seen it, I won’t spoil, but I will say it ends up being a life-changing trip. Not only that, Nyiff will also present a retrospective of Chadha’s first films – a series of documentaries for the BBC.

I got the amazing chance to chat with Ms. Chadha about her career and we talked about Bhaji on the Beach,...

Bond movie wins film prize and BBC2's Twenty Twelve scoops comedy, while London 2012 cauldron takes visual arts gong

James Bond movie Skyfall, London Games comedy Twenty Twelve and the Olympic cauldron were among the winners at the 2013 South Bank Sky Arts awards.

The 23rd James Bond outing won the film prize at the awards ceremony, hosted by Lord Bragg in London at Tuesday lunchtime.

Continuing the Olympic theme, the visual arts award went to Thomas Heatherwick's London 2012 cauldron, while Twenty Twelve helped the BBC to a clean sweep in the TV categories, picking up the comedy prize.

Tom Stoppard's BBC2 adaptation of Ford Maddox Ford's Parade's End won the drama award, in an all-bbc shortlist also featuring Shakespeare adaptations The Hollow Crown and police thriller Line of Duty.

Tom Hiddleston picked up the Times breakthrough award for his acting in The Hollow Crown and films including War Horse and Avengers Assemble.

What chilled most about murder mystery Mayday was the claim of an ancestral right to wear green man makeup

You'd naturally think Aidan Gillen killed Hattie, the 14-year-old May Queen, in the woods above the village. Ever since he played transgressive super-hottie Stuart in Queer as Folk, he's worked sneering lips and leering eyes as a series of reptiles, chancers and scumbags – dodgy mayor in The Wire, slimy counsellor in Game of Thrones, venal banker in credit-crunch drama Freefall. Why not add murderer to the list?

In Mayday (BBC1), he's similarly sinister: a bad dad who thumps his son for nothing and buries his grief over his dead wife in video game marathons. Plus he has a mysterious bag locked in a cupboard. Could it be a body-bag full of May Queen? Possibly. Harold Pinter called Gillen "dangerous" when he was in The Caretaker, which is damning evidence. The prosecution rests,...

Bart Layton's missing Bafta, Michael Fassbender shows off his moves and Park Chan-wook's Ott English debut, Stoker

Imposter takes Bafta

A strange case of art mirroring life at the Baftas, as the trophy awarded to The Imposter director Bart Layton went missing. Layton, along with his producing partner, Dimitri Doganis, won the prize for outstanding British debut, and was proudly clutching the golden statue at all the post-ceremony parties. Arriving at the Weinstein Company bash, Layton put down his prized possession to talk to the likes of Quentin Tarantino and Michael Fassbender. But moments later he turned round to find it had disappeared. An imposter had walked off with it. CCTV identified the culprit and it was returned to Layton at 5.30am.

Tarantino: not in the mood for dancing

Harvey Weinstein's Bafta events are like impossible dreams. A dinner pre-Bafta to celebrate Silver Linings Playbook found me in...

When I went, aged 7 or 8, to audition for Music College, I was asked to sing “the first song that came into my head”. That song was the A Team theme music, by Mike Post. My older brother, in his audition, apparently sung the same thing. My mother chastised us afterwards, but clearly our renditions of this truly inspiring piece of music were acceptable, as we were both accepted.

There are some themetunes that beckon us to the television, signalling our favourite show is about to start. There are some that we find ourselves humming merrily as we go about our day. And then there are those we shudder through, mute, or fast forward. Here are ten of the most annoying – I’m sure you have your own particular list of those which grate your nerves and become unwanted earworms.

10. Walker Texas Ranger “Eyes of the Ranger”

I know it’s...

Join Empire for a trip down Red Dwarf memory lane – remember, Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers – as we talk talkie toasters, Alan Rickman playing Lister, Howard Goodall's bonkers lyrics, Kryten impersonations, bullshitting Bill Clinton, getting "Smeg!" shouted at you in the street and more with Chris Barrie, Craig Charles and Doug Naylor in honour of Red Dwarf's upcoming 10th series.With the first episode of Red Dwarf X airing on Dave at 9pm on Thursday, October 4, half of its mismatched crew (and the director/writer/co-creator) came in just a day before lift off, resulting in enough uproarious laughter to fill a dozen podbooths.In other words, this one's a geeky one, and a loud one, and a giggle-filled one. Dwarfers, take note: you won't want to miss a second...Don't forget, as well as SoundCloud, you can also download the Empire Podcast from our RSS feed or subscribe to us on iTunes.

The Brontës are often dismissed as up-market Mills & Boon. But with the release of two films this autumn, Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights, they look set to rival even Jane Austen in the public's affections

Ours is supposed to be the age of instantaneity, where books can be downloaded in a few seconds and reputations created overnight. But the Victorians could be speedy, too, and there's no more striking example of instant celebrity than Jane Eyre. Charlotte Brontë posted the manuscript to Messrs Smith and Elder on 24 August 1847, two weeks after the publisher had expressed an interest in seeing her new novel while turning down her first. Within a fortnight, a deal had been struck (Charlotte was paid £100) and proofs were being worked on. In the 21st century a first novel can wait two years between acceptance and publication. Jane Eyre was out in eight weeks, on 17 October, with Thackeray...

There were, however, many arts practitioners on the list. Is the Diary the only one surprised (and pleased) to see Steve McQueen get a Cbe, given the artist's marathon battle with the establishment to get the Iraq war dead printed on stamps? Among the other recipients of a Cbe – and the Diary apologises to the names omitted here – are producer Trevor Horn, sculptor Richard Wentworth, theatre director Howard Davies, choreographer Wayne McGregor, trumpeter John Wallace, actors Sheila Hancock and David Suchet, and composer Howard Goodall. OBEs went to Annie Lennox, folkie Richard Thompson, director Andrea Arnold, actor Burt Kwouk, costume designer Sandy Powell and composer Colin Matthews. And there are damehoods for actor Harriet Walter, mezzo-soprano turned professor Felicity Palmer and writer Antonia Fraser.

Disappointingly, despite the Diary's call for a triple whammy of knighthoods for Ken Dodd, Ronnie Corbett and Brucie Forsyth, they got nothing.

New Year honours listSteve...

No knighthoods for tabloid-backed stars, but Sheila Hancock, David Suchet and composer Howard Goodall make the list

Despite the best efforts of the tabloid press, there were no knighthoods for either Bruce Forsyth or Simon Cowell, but veteran actors Sheila Hancock and David Suchet were both awarded CBEs, as was the composer and broadcaster Howard Goodall. Representatives of the arts and media make up 7% of the honours list.

Harriet Walter, best known as a classical actor with the Royal Shakespeare Company – most recently as Cleopatra opposite Patrick Stewart's Antony and as Friedrich Schiller's Mary Stuart in the West End and on Broadway – is made a dame, 11 years after becoming a Cbe. Reacting to her award, Walter said: "I have reservations about some parts of the honours system. I fear it's not very fair and I think there are lots of people not recognised who should be." But she...

Four veteran composers – John Williams, Joseph LoDuca, William Ross and Howard Goodall – won the Emmy Awards in the music categories at the 61st annual Primetime Creative Arts Emmys at the Nokia Theater La Live in Los Angeles on Saturday night. John Williams won his first Emmy since 1972 (!), when he won the award for Jane Eyre. This year he won in the ‘Outstanding Original Main Title Theme ...

Congratulations to all of last night's winners—and nominees—at the 2009 Creative Arts Emmy Awards. The Emmys went to…

Outstanding Music DirectionWilliam Ross, Music Director, Streisand: The Concert

Outstanding Music Composition for a Series (Original Dramatic Score)Joe LoDuca, Legend of the Seeker

Outstanding Music Composition for a Miniseries, Movie or a Special (Original Dramatic Score)Howard Goodall, Into the Storm

Outstanding Original Main Title Theme MusicJohn Williams, Great Performances...

The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences announced the nominations for The 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards this morning. NBC comedy series 30 Rock lead the way with 22 nominations with the HBO telefilm Grey Gardens with 17 nominations and last year's winner for Best Drama, Mad Men, with 16 nominations. Take a look at the complete list of the nominees below.

Outstanding Voice-Over Performance

American Masters - Jerome Robbins: Something To Dance About - PBS - Thirteen/Wnet American Masters - Ron Rifkin, Narrator

Family Guy - I Dream of Jesus - Fox - Fox Television Animation - Seth MacFarlane as Peter Griffin

Robot Chicken - Robot Chicken: Star Wars - Episode II - Cartoon Network - ShadowMachine - Seth Green as Robot Chicken Nerd, Bob Goldstein, Ponda Baba, Anakin Skywalker, Imperial Officer

The Simpsons - Eeny Teeny Maya Moe - Fox - Gracie Films in Association with 20th Century Fox Television...

Doctor Who has won a new poll to find the best science fiction TV theme of all time. The music beat Red Dwarf's credit song by Howard Goodall into second place in the Total Sci-Fi website poll, while Mark Snow's X-Files instrumental came third. Written by Ron Granier in 1963 and arranged by experimental music legend Delia Derbyshire, the Doctor Who theme was produced by combining a tape loop of a piano string with test oscillators and filters. Editor Matt McAllister said: "The poll (more)...

Having already conquered half the moviegoing world, "Bean" is finally ready to take on fickle American audiences.

Given the gales of laughter that rocked a recent preview screening, expect an immediate and unprecedented surrender.

Simply put, "Bean" is the hands-down funniest picture in recent years -- an all-ages blast that will keep Gramercy bean counters beaming for weeks to come.

That probably won't be news to those who have already been Beaned by Rowan Atkinson's side-splitting series of small-screen adventures, but even so, the transition to features could have been a tricky one. Fortunately, with "Mr. Bean" co-creator Richard Curtis ("Four Weddings and a Funeral") and fellow series writer Robin Driscoll on board along with director Mel Curtis ("The Tall Guy"), the move couldn't have gone more smoothly.

Of course, Atkinson deserves most of the credit. His Mr. Bean is an irresistible combination of wide-eyed troublemaker and eternal naif. He's a man of few words and fewer social graces whose every movement has young and old alike screaming with giddy laughter.

Not that he really needs one, but the plot concerns itself with London's National Art Gallery sending "Whistler's Mother" to the Los Angeles gallery that has just purchased it. Accompanying the masterpiece is none other than the British gallery's shiftless employee, Mr. Bean, who the board members, eager to be rid of him, pass off as an esteemed art expert.

The charade doesn't exactly go without a hitch. Initially flattered to have the newly dubbed Dr. Bean staying at his home, Grierson Gallery curator David Langley (Peter MacNicol) ultimately loses his family and a good chunk of his mind when his guest's antics culminate in the devastating (and hilarious) destruction of one of the most recognizable works in American art history.

While the film itself dips a little in the middle, Atkinson's brilliant, seemingly effortless brand of physical comedy sustains the buoyant pace. And although the concept of supporting performances would appear to be superfluous here, MacNicol more than holds his own as Bean's quietly flappable host, as does Pamela Reed as MacNicol's no-nonsense wife.

Also fun in a smaller part is Burt Reynolds as the gung-ho Gen. Newton, a man who admits to knowing nothing about art but realizes the patriotic value of reclaiming American property from "the Frenchies."

BEAN

Gramercy Pictures

PolyGram Filmed Entertainment

presents A Working Title production

in association with Tiger Aspect Films

A film by Mel Smith

Director: Mel Smith

Producers: Peter Bennett-Jones,

Eric Fellner, Tim Bevan

Screenwriters: Richard Curtis, Robin Driscoll

Executive producer: Richard Curtis

Director of photography: Francis Kenny

Production designer: Peter Larkin

Editor: Christopher Blunden

Costume designer: Hope Hanafin

Music: Howard Goodall

Casting: Ronnie Yeskel

Color/stereo

Cast:

Mr. Bean: Rowan Atkinson

David Langley: Peter MacNicol

Alison Langley: Pamela Reed

George Grierson: Harris Yulin

Stingo: Johnny Galecki

Kevin Langley: Andrew J. Lawrence

Jennifer Langley: Tricia Vessey

Gen. Newton: Burt Reynolds

Running time -- 87 minutes

MPAA rating: PG-13...