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Will Ferrell's been gone from "SNL" for 10 years now. I don't know how we've kept it together since then, as Americans. He was the closest thing to this country's Kim Jong-Il: Everyone would cry in the street if he died, and sunglasses made him look like something in one of the saltwater tanks at Sea World.

Plus, he defined our moral fiber there for a few years. If there was a Will Ferrell Constitution, it would almost exclusively tell us that it's awesome to yell at helpless dogs, and that you desperately need to get off the damn shed. That was the turn of the century in a nutshell.

Well, thank god, Will Ferrell's back on Saturday hosting "SNL." We get a reminder of the good ol' days, when he could talk about the moon as a food product for five minutes and that would be considered a complete sketch.

Imagine a dreamworld where a magic potion can get 39 million people to unite in front of their televisions and watch Undercover Boss all at the same time. This potion can also get 27 million people to watch two hours of Airwolf in a row.

What if I told you that magic potion actually exists? It's called a Super Bowl lead-out show, and it's used once a year, every year, and it works on everything except The John Larroquette Show.

The show after the Super Bowl pulls in "1984"-esque, drone-like consumer numbers. Fifty-three million people watched a truly weird episode of Friends after the Super Bowl one year because, mostly, it was after the Super Bowl. It was part of the highest grossing advertising block of TV ever.

This year's golden child is The Voice, NBC's singing and Christina Aguilera cleavage showcase. Season one did well. Season two has already had enough...