Lake Nowhere

From the vaults of the golden age of slasher films comes "Lake Nowhere", a raucous, bloody romp which resurrects the thrill of gory midnight movies for an hour-long plunge into the depths of horror.

The idea of "throwbacks" or things being "retro" is nothing new, and some ideas from this movie's composition seem to be heavily inspired by the Tarantino-Rodriguez "Grindhouse" films, what with the fake trailers and all. This is not to take anything away from "Lake Nowhere", because in many ways they run with the concept and do even better. The year is not over yet, but "Lake Nowhere" may be the greatest horror film of 2016.

Growing up in the era of VHS, one of our favorite pastimes was to get a few friends over and rent four or five movies based solely on the box art (and if the box was an oversized clam shell, even better). Despite being only 13 or 14, nobody was ever carded and this was half the fun. Our parents knew what sort of trash we were exposing ourselves to, but it still seemed risqué to see these films with them in the next room.

You don't care about my childhood (and why should you?), but if you grew up in a similar time, this film is going to hit you hard. The "plot", the visuals, the music… in every possible way, the creators captured what these late 70s, early 80s movies were all about. And many of them were actually more enjoyable because of the VHS grit and grain, losing something in the process of "digital remastering" or today's 2K or 4K scans. "Lake Nowhere" gets that, not just capturing the look of the films, but how they would appear if you were still watching them late at night in the 1980s or 1990s. Specifically, the quality reminded me of Wes Craven's "Last House on the Left", which was a VHS must-see, especially if you could find it unrated with the disemboweling scene intact.

This gimmick (and I use that in the most positive sense) is even taken an extra step, with the film being a simulation as if it was recorded off of TV. A vintage beer commercial appears, as well as a preview for some sort of non-existent Italian giallo thriller. Once or twice, we even see what was recorded over (because, of course, you're going to re-use a videotape two or three times).

The magic is really in the look and the acting and every little thing done to capture the right feel. The plot is intentionally awful, with characters saying they are about to do something but then doing something completely different. Much of the story (if there is one) gets no explanation. Don't expect an origin story for the killer or expect to figure out the supernatural aspects of the lake. Just roll with it.

At a very lean 51 minutes (barely feature length) we get what can only be described as "all killer, no filler". With half a dozen young adults to pick off and no time to do it, there is very little on screen that isn't sex, drugs or murder. There is a script-writing maxim known as Chekhov's gun that says, "If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there." This film gets it – everything from hanging a clothesline to some skinny dipping pays off in a big way.

"Lake Nowhere" comes out on home video and VOD on August 16, 2016. If you loved the gritty VHS era, pick this one up. Rent it, buy it, steal it… do whatever you have to, but be sure to see it. If you hated those types of movies (I'm looking at you, Mike Mayo), I'm not sure why you're reading this review. With nothing bad to say about the movie, I give it my highest possible recommendation.

After some humorous, faux ads for "coming attractions" and a suitably absurd "beer commercial", LAKE NOWHERE begins.

A group of young people arrive at a cabin on the titular lake for the weekend. A bizarre inscription is read, someone goes for a fateful swim, and the party ensues. A fun evening of drinking and smoking pot turns into a carnage-filled nightmare of insanity, ghoulish visitation / resurrection, and death-by-towering-madman!

It's short, frenzied, and features a freak-out finale! A visit to this LAKE is the perfect way to relive those days of "hole in the wall" video rental shops, friends, and cheap intoxicants! Filmed for no money, in less than a week, this is still better than many of the multi-million dollar, modern "horror" films...

Oh the days of bootleg horror on VHS. This indie retro horror short makes well of its promise. We get interesting trailers that don't hold back ('Harvest Man' is my pick), and tracking lines streaming through with crackling audio. The concept is authentically well done, if not one of the best ones I've seen in this style.

As for the main feature it's a lean, to-the-point and if sometimes humorous supernatural slasher that doesn't really explain much, other than provide the typical staples of booze, drugs, nudity, sex and violence. The lakeside cabin and its forlorn woodland surroundings is picture perfect for the bloody mayhem with the usual traits of heavy breathing, POV shots, lurking masked killer and fairly brutal deaths. Cast are all game and simply loved the electronic score.

Ambiguous, but intensely fun and unpredictably bizarre.

I'm constantly amazed at how "writers" and "directors" can be so bad at what they think their career is. It's like bunch of old guys at the park trying to charge you to watch them play. The best thing the cast and crew did was give the movie positive fake reviews...

I'm not sure if this is a long short or a short feature running at just over 50 minutes including some fake commercials and a fake trailer at the beginning. What I am sure of is that I love it.

Following the traditional setting of a group of kids going to a cabin by the lake the set up is over in minutes and then everything kicks off. One of the group goes swimming in the titular lake and when he returns the fan blades get well and truly clogged with poop, Where the film blends slasher and something supernatural brilliantly.

Shot in the retro style this movie pulls the look off fantastically. With tape roles and heavy grain, but it's not over done, it feels authentic. The clothes the look of the cabin everything is convincing. One small thing gave away that this is not an actual film from the period and that's the red heads tattoo. It's drawn in a style more contemporary a real shame when everything else is so great.

The effects for the kills are all great again in keeping with the vintage style of 70's and 80's horrors. A cool synth score soundtrack accompanies the action just adding to the flavour. The acting is pretty solid throughout all the way up to a pretty satisfying conclusion.

This truly is a love letter to those old horror movies you used to rent from the video store. So if that's your thing seek this out and if not seek it out anyway because it's great.