Ninja: A Missão

You've been fouled and beaten up in submission by my harsh statements about "femme fatale" / "guns n' gals" movies! Now comes another breed in disappointing rediscoveries: ninja movies! Many of these I've seen before, and let me tell you, they aren't all that's cracked up to be! They usually don't stick to the point. This, among all others, suffers from no originality! What's a ninja got to do with preventing a nuclear holocaust in Russia? And isn't this supposed to be a "martial arts" movie, too? Does plenty of gunfire sound like an incredible action movie to you? Is blood the number one reason to love this to death? Will you waste some of your hard-earned cash over a lady singing in her see-through tank top? The answers to these important questions are found in THE NINJA MISSION, which should be in the martial arts section of your video store. For even more nonsense ninja fun, try checking out those Godfrey Ho movies put out by Trans World. You get what you deserve, and that's a promise! Recommended only for hardcore ninja addicts!

According to the director this movie was popular in Asia. It is somewhat difficult to take these Mats Helge movies seriously since most of his films are shot on a very tight budget. Almost no USD at all. But it is fascinating to establish that Mats Helge eventually completes something which can be called an action movie. The Ninja Mission is - I think - the best one among all movies directed by him. Some special effects are quite enjoyable. This is not a "B" or "C" movie. It is a "Z" movie - but an enjoyable and fun "Z" movie!

This is truly a Swedish cult classic. On the cover of my copy, the tag line is "Ninjas and the CIA explode in violence in the heart of Russia". To the best of my knowledge, Ninja Mission is still the Swedish film to generate the most revenue (abroad, since it was instantly banned in Sweden during the merry 80's).

The movie itself is a clumsily put together action bonanza with a superbly surreal plot revolving around a revolutionary energy source, kidnapped scientists, and lots and lots of ninjas employed, for some reason, by the Americans.

The random slow motions scenes, haphazard spurts of violence and blurred footage come together to create a rather confusing, if entertaining B-movie with a thin slice of macho heroic moral slapped on top. As in so many other Mats Helge movies screen time is mostly spent on people walking in and out of rooms, running along hallways and yelling 'hurry up' to one another - a surefire way to create excitement. Still, there are joyous little things like the ninja terror weapon that fires a toxic dart, making the victim's heart (or head!) explode, and a fair amount of decent ninja action with some pretty neat martial arts moves.

70% of the actors sport heavy Swedish accent, and Mats Helge himself plays the fat, bearded Russian secret agent that kidnaps young girls.

Maybe one of the most entertaining Ninja-movies ever made. A hard-hitting action movie with lots of gore and slow motion (eehaaa!). Made in ´83 and still the greatest swedish action movie made so far! And we can hardly wait to see the upcoming sequel, Ninja mission 2000 - The legacy of Markov!

When I talk about movies, specifically bad movies, I always mention "Ninja Mission". My friend wanted to see it and neither my brother nor I wanted to see it. But my friend begged and promised to pay for our ticket if we didn't like it. As we were leaving the theater without prompting or any words said reached for his wallet and reimbursed us for the movie.

You know a movie is bad when straight teen age boys roll their eye when the cute actress takes off her shirt and think "not even this can save the movie". :-) Yes it is that bad. Yes it was out of the theater in my neighborhood in one day.