Os Vampiros de Salem, o Retorno

In Larry Cohen's A Return to Salem's Lot, star Michael Moriarty plays the same kind of insufferable wise-cracking jerk as he did in Cohen's Q: The Winged Serpent; not only is the film's 'hero' thoroughly unlikeable, but so is his foul-mouthed rebellious teenage son Jeremy, played by Ricky Addison Reed. With these two on screen for the majority of the film, I found this 'sequel in name only' extremely irritating; my annoyance was compounded by a terrible script and the general tone of the film, which does away with the spine-chilling terror of Tobe Hooper's excellent mini-series of '79, and replaces it with scare-free drama and misplaced humour.

Moriarty plays anthropologist Joe Weber, a man so devoid of morals that, in the film's opening scene, he is happy to film the ritualistic murder of a native without trying to intervene. Joe is called back to civilisation to help deal with his wayward son, as if he would be of any use to the boy. The pair travel to Salem's Lot, where Joe has inherited a ramshackle property, but discover that the town is inhabited by vampires, led by Judge Axel (Andrew Duggan). Unlike the creatures of pure evil in Hooper's original, these bloodsuckers try to keep a low profile by feeding on cows, only occasionally taking human victims, and are keen to strike a bargain with Joe: they will spare his son if he writes a 'vampire bible' chronicling their kind. However, when Jeremy tells his father that he wants to integrate into the vampire society, Joe teams up with elderly Nazi-hunter/vampire slayer Dr. Van Meer (Samuel Fuller) to try and destroy the undead.

Forget blood-curdling scares; forget atmosphere; forget the intense horror of Mr. Barlow or the nightmare-inducing sight of Danny Glick floating outside a bedroom window: Cohen's film has nothing of the sort, instead offering viewers such awful, fright-free scenes as a bunch of giggling children attacking a pair of drunken bums, Joe having sex with a vampire blonde (he knows she's dead, but she's hot, so what the heck!), Jeremy having his first kiss with a vampire schoolgirl (the debut of Tara Reid), and Joe painting his porch (amongst other D. I. Y. Jobs). Thankfully, once Joe teams up with Van Meer, the film becomes a bit more lively and entertaining, as the pair go from house to house armed with stakes to pierce the hearts of the vampires. It's cheesy, trashy, and an insult to Hooper's classic, but at least it's more fun than watching kids in a schoolhouse learning about their vampire history.

For the cheap and cheerful special make-up effects and gore, and not one but two opportunities to see Katja Crosby topless, I rate A Return to Salem's Lot 3/10.

The original "Salem's Lot" is being copied now by at least three franchises on Netflix. The locations are different and the monsters have better special effects, but none of the capture the way the original baked mounting dread into a nightly miniseries. Think I'm wrong? Ask any GIF generator for "boy scratching at window."

This movie is a long way from Salem's Lot. It was filmed in leafy, picturesque Vermont instead of California. Michael Moriarty, who was suffering from end stage alcoholism when it was made, lurches and jeers through the movie looking more amused that afraid. Ricky Addison Reed, who plays his son, is dresses in the same outfit Richard Gere wore in "American Gigolo", which heightens the "ick" factor when one of the child vampires wants to "marry" him. Dozens of actors from 1950s television westerns make up the cast of vampire villagers

It's a terrible horror movie. It's an okay unintentional comedy for a nostalgic night of back 80s hair and fashion, and a good reason to remember not to become a drunk.

There's an interesting story buried under the awful execution. Many interesting ideas and threads that warrant further exploration. It's a true shame this is what the result was.

....that I had to force myself to see it through to the end.... how bad? Well the kid who played the exceedingly foul-mouthed boy has NO other acting credits to his name on this movie database! That should say something...to think that Michael Moriarty, an actor with many fine films to his credit, would appear in a piece of crap like this... I first saw it last year after renting it at a video store, because the original Salem's Lot is a pretty good film, but this movie has nothing to do with the original....it looked like they shot it about 10 minutes after the writer wrote it, and they had one shot only...if you forgot your lines, just adlib something...the plot was preposterous....the only attribute it made to vampire movies at all was the concept of the "drones" who could function during the day as normal people and guard the real vampires.

Really I must say, that of "major" studio movies, this one truly has a shot at worst of all time, as they had real actors, a real budget, location, scenery and etc....and it is still horrible. So you can't judge it against awful movies that were shot for video only with a $100,000 budget....No, this one really is unbelievably bad considering its backing and the name it had to trade on..... I gave it a "2" but I think I was charitable. Because of this movie, there will never be a "Salem's Lot 3" and that's too bad.

If you are a fan of the horror and cult genre, especially of original screenplays and imaginative plots, you can't but have tremendous respect for Larry Cohen. The creative mastermind had an extremely busy career, during which he wrote more than eighty scenarios and also directed a good twenty films between the early 70s and the late 80s. Moreover, and what I personally appreciate most about Cohen, there is a huge diversity in his films. From pioneer blaxploitation cult like "Black Caesar", over micro-budgeted horror classic "It's Alive", towards the absurdly playful "Q - Winged Serpent" or "The Stuff"; - each of these is unique and 100% original. As a matter of course, not all of Cohen's scripts and/or films can be equally flawless. Notably the ones where he experimented with comedy and homage, like "Full Moon High" and this "A Return to Salem's Lot", are rather large disappointments.

In fact, "A Return to Salem's Lot" is more than a disappointment. It's a huge misfire. I honestly can't fathom what Cohen tried to accomplish with this redundant, in-name-only sequel to Tobe Hooper's successful TV mini-series based on the Stephen King novel. Here, an estranged father and son land in the little Maine town of Jerusalem's Lot and it's apparently already inhabited by vampires since the time of the Pilgrims. This wouldn't be a Larry Cohen flick if it didn't contain at least a handful of worthwhile elements. There are some nifty plot elements (for instance, the vampires use humanoid "slaves" to run the town during daylight), the gore is fairly outrageous and it's great fun to see the controversial director Samuel Fuller ("White Dog") as a bonkers vampire hunter. Still, throughout most of the running time, "A Return to Salem's Lot" is dull and utterly pointless. Michael Moriarty is once more incredibly irritating. Sometimes I really dig him, sometimes I can't stand him. In this film, it's the latter.

PS: I also hate misleading film posters. The poster for this film leads you to believe that Reggie Nalder's notorious character from the original, Kurt Barlow, also still appears in the sequel, which obviously isn't true. And yet, in spite of all this, you are still a favorite of mine, Larry Cohen!