Big Brother

STAR RATING: ***** Unmissable **** Very Good *** Okay ** You Could Go Out For A Meal Instead * Avoid At All Costs

Every summer, 13 members of the public, who's personalities stand out the best in the eyes of the producers, are selected from a selection of video entries to compete in a live reality TV show in a specially built house, equipped with video cameras and trendy Ikea furnishings, to see who is the last person to be voted out by the public and win the prize money.

When BB was first introduced to the world in the summer of 2000, it seemed like a fresh, original, fun concept in my eyes. A good social experiment, shall we say. I was 16 at the time, on holiday in Cornwall with my family and there was something that was at least partially engaging about watching the antics of 'nasty' Nick the banker and warm-hearted scally Craig the builder (who'd only entered so he could win the money to pay for a heart operation for the little girl of a friend or something!), even if I didn't think it was the greatest thing since sliced bread and I could ultimately give-or-take it. And, looking back on it now, I could see that the house was occupied by 'real' people, genuine, real people who were believable and you could buy were really like that probably if you met them in the street. Which is certainly not what it's come to now.

In my mind, in one way or the other, things rapidly went downhill from there. The first show was so successful that there had to be a follow-up. The emphasis on voyeurism and adult content began around here, and everyone could see this as a really see-through attempt to pander to people's baser instincts and win ratings. But I just found a lot of the contestants on the second series to be really annoying and up their own arses and that put me off. I suppose the same could be said for the third series, even though Jade Goody was entertaining in as much as she was genuinely thick, thinking Cambridge was in London and such, and I don't think she was putting on an act but just genuinely, un-self-consciously that much of a show-boat. I think series four pretty much just came and went (that was the big Asian guy, wasn't it? And Jon Tickle?) but by series five everything had, as I said, just lost perspective. That's not to mention the assault of spin-off shows we've had from it like Celebrity Big Brother or even Teen Big Brother (and we all know what went on there.)

The people entering aren't genuine, honest and 'real' anymore. They're just making as big an exhibition of themselves as they can in order to get on there in the first place and to make a big enough impression on the public that they will come out as the winners. No-one that shallow and super-ficial really deserves any of our time or attention, but it's likely that our 'baser instincts' may take us over again and we'll tune in just to pander to them. I could never have been a contestant myself, but by now it's unlikely I'd even know how to make a big enough show-boat of myself to have come out the winner on there anyway. Besides that, all objectivity in the game has been lost. The winner of the show who gets all the money is superfluous in the eyes of all the other contestants as they know that if they make a big enough impression on the public, they will be famous enough to attend a film premiere or two for a while afterwards and no doubt get paid a fair bit to endorse certain products or services (hence why Jade Goody's name still garners recognition three years after losing!) This show has come out, more than anything, as a huge testament to Andy Warhol's unforgettably famous claim that "in the future, everyone will enjoy their 15 minutes of fame", irrespective of how untalented, vulgar or desperate they are.

Aside from the contestants, there's the presenter, Davina McCall. A no doubt very pleasant, in her day, very attractive lady who just suffers from that very irritating habit of feeling the need to bellow out everything she says. She's served the show well, but she's a woman in her 30s who's a mother to at least one child who's having to try to keep up with the pace of 'youth TV', the majority of which are in their late teens or early 20s and there's been coverage in the media lately of how it may all be taking it's toll on her. I've heard rumours she's planning to retire and become a mid-wife (imagine an already delirious woman about to give birth being calmed by Davina McCall!) and, if that's true, I'm sure, as my mother said, she'll give it her 100% and no doubt be very good at it, because everyone has their day and everyone has to move on in life. But I wonder how much shelf-life the actual show has left and, if it's a lot, just where it'll go to from here. It's not a show showing 'real' people anymore who's personalities you can relate to, it's just a show showing people eager for instant fame and gratification who are prepared to make as much of an exhibition of themselves and even degrade themselves as it takes to get their names and faces in tabloid rags like The News of the World for their outrageous, degrading behaviour. No truly decent person can relate to people like that and, if they're the only type of people who are going to stand a chance of winning from here, one can only wonder what lies ahead for the show and, the future of humanity for that matter. **

Not again! Why is this being inflicted upon us yet again?

Yes, I know, I don't have to watch it if I don't want to but ... Big Brother is like a plague that infects the country every summer. It's very difficult to avoid even if you want to.

I gave it a couple of cursory looks to see if it is as unbearably stupid as usual and I have to report that if anything it may be worse. About the only good thing about this year's is that the contestants seem to possess some books. Was it true that books were prohibited articles on a previous series?

The 2003 crop look like being extremely boring. Hardly any of them stood out. Oh, why I am even bothering to write about it? Enough!!

'Big Brother' has now run for five seasons with 'real' people (i.e. ordinary Joes and Janes who were not celebrities) and has just begun a third season 'celebrity' version.

The trouble is that what was originally an idea of some originality and promise - shut a few contrasting personalities in a house with no contact with the outside world, intrusive cameras, and unusual tasks, for a few weeks and see what happens - after season 1 had passed future house-mates knew what to expect.

Subsequent seasons have seen the house-mates exploit their new-found 'fame' (for doing what, exactly?) not only after leaving the house, but while they are in there. So the challenges get ever more tedious, the tabloid and gossip mag column inches get longer, and the nation for some reason continues to watch.

Another nail in the coffin of British TV, an indication that poor taste and high ratings go hand in hand (that or the TV-viewing public at large really will watch anything and they get what they deserve).

We are talking about a show which was once introduced with the words "Day 21 - Derek is eating a sandwich". What sort of person carries on watching anything after that.

You'll see the phrase "like watching paint dry" through thousands of user comments across this website, on despised shows & films.

Never a truer word spoken here though & FOR TWO REASONS.

One because it is that dull - although that maybe a tad unfair on paint.

But secondly - the day British TV fell to it's knees (and went largely unnoticed). A few years back the housemates (there's better names for them than that - but wouldn't make it through the firewall) had to each paint a bench in a colour that reflected themselves. (I expected 12 grey benches). Anyway - after they finished painting them & went inside the camera remained outside, for several minutes - while the viewer did indeed "watch paint dry".

And still the public watched.

There is possibly one thing worse than Big Brother. The host. I won't give her the satisfaction of publicising her name (+or benal facial expressions) but we're talking about a woman who once introduced 3 OF THE 6 FEMALE ENTRANTS one year by their name & breast size. Never mind, name & job title, name & achievements, name and ambitions maybe. Nope, name & size of Charlies are all that counts nowadays.

" Have you been watching BIG BROTHER " my sister asked me in a telephone conversation . I replied that I hadn`t . I knew what the show was because every single tabloid newspaper had hyped up the show from the very first day it started way back in the year 2000 . While the series is being broadcast it`s impossible to open a British popular newspaper without being greeted by page after page of the housemates life stories , but just out of curiosity I decided to give the show a chance and I must say I was totally underwhelmed by it .

It might surprising to know that I managed to avoid this show untill series four , but if this is as good as it gets I`ve missed nothing . A bunch of people sitting around drinking is not great TV unless the people involved are Oliver Reed , George Best , Alex Higgins etc . We have a big strapping Scotsman Cameron Stout and he never makes Anglophobic statements , never gets drunk and never pays flattering compliments to the female housemates ! Not a typical Scot I`m sure you`ll agree . Well Cameron won in a popularity contest that resembled vote for the least boring person because someone will win . I guess I would have voted for Cameron myself but that`s only because we`re both Jocks and the opposition were so bland

That said , if Channel 4 are thinking of doing a fifth series I wouldn`t mind having a go myself . After all the drink`s free and when`s the last time a Jock`s turned down free booze