Arachnid

I was watching a cheesy horror flick (can't remember which one) at my grandparents house one day, and this movie happened to be showing right after it. I figured, 'What the hell? I'll give it a shot.' It didn't make my top ten list of cheesy horror flicks. I liked it. But I'm warning you right now, this one gets really gross. As in bugs crawling under your skin, literally, gross. Definitely not for the faint of heart. And leaves you with a not so happily ever after ending. If you like gore, you'll like this. If you're arachnaphobic, you'll hate it. For those of you who say all of these movies are alike, you'll be happy to know that this one is a little different. The title is more accurate than I thought. Though the story does concentrate mainly on the creature that the word 'arachnid' brings to mind, the spider, it is not limited to it. It includes other species of arachnids. And as an added bonus, there is a cute guy in it, who takes his shirt off for us. And for the guys, there is a girl in a bra. There is some comedy relief in small doses. I would recommend at least giving this movie a shot. There are worse movies out there that actually made it to the big screen.

I don't mind admitting that spiders freak me out and the idea of flesh burrowing parasites....well, they make my skin crawl. So it's not surprising that big bug creature features are amongst my favourite horror movies; they can unsettle me without even trying.

Arachnid, produced by Brian Yuzna and directed by Jack Sholder (who helmed the fun flick The Hidden and the abysmal Nightmare on Elm Street 2) is a 'by-the-numbers' effort which, despite being extremely predictable, entertains with its impressive (and often yucky) effects by Steve Johnson.

When a UFO explodes over some South Pacific islands, a deadly creature is let loose which causes havoc amongst the natives. A team of scientists are sent to investigate and are soon fighting for their lives against a mutant monster that is part alien and part spider.

Chock full of clichés, Sholder's low budget bug-fest isn't going to win any awards for originality and doesn't make a lot of sense, but with its attractive spunky heroine Mercer (Alex Reid), busty doctor (Neus Asensi) and its (sometimes, quite literally) eye-popping gore, I found it to be a reasonably entertaining monster movie.

In my mind, the words "Giant spider" = "Bad movie" But Arachnid actually proved me wrong. Oh, it was by no means good...but it was a fun movie to watch anyways.

Alex Reid was really the only good point as far as acting goes. Everybody else in the movie was just kinda...there. Luckily though, nobody was horribly bad or annoying.

The spider and centipedes (I'm still wondering why there were giant centipedes in this movie...) looked pretty decent. Well, decent since I assume this movie had a fairly low budget. Except at the end, when the spider starts running really fast along the walls of a cave. That just looked horrible.

Im not gonna lie and tell you about the storyline. To be honest, I wasnt exactly paying attention that much. It appears that an alien spaceship crashes on a small island and it was carrying a giant spider...or maybe it mutated a spider and made it giant. Then a team goes on an expedition into the jungles to find it. Thats all I got.

An enjoyable film, but I wouldnt suggest buying it. In fact, renting it is kind of going overboard. Maybe wait for it on TV sometime. Thats what I did, and I was satisfied.

Arachnid: 7 of 10: Maybe it's the puppets that I liked. It's nice to see a movie made in the 21st century that doesn't use horrible shiny CGI for its creatures. (It does use horrible shiny CGI for it's alien spaceships.) Arachnid is all the better for it's retro monster.

This is a true six-pack toke 'm if you got them B movie. A European production with decent location shooting, an international cast (half horrible and unintelligibly dubbed), and a real B movie budget unlike those $10 Z movie digital camcorder pretenders.

It's all off course a bit predictable. (If you can't figure out two of the survivors at the end turn in your monster movie-watching card now.) And despite a lot of fodder (always a good sign) to many deaths seem off screen or at least over a little quickly. The movie also could have used some gratuitous nudity (If young thing Alex Reid wasn't willing at least allow Spanish star Neus Asensi to release those puppies like she has done in the past.)

Those quibbles aside I couldn't help but cheer when the puppeteers took the Volkswagen sized spider out for the spin in the second half of the movie. Of course you enjoyment may depend on what you consumed during the first half.

Arachnid (2001) 4 out of 10 stars Time to Read: 2:20 min

BASIC PLOT: A pilot, some scientists, a few natives, and some mercenaries, go into the jungle... They all go for different reasons, but they all find the same thing. It's death, and it's form is arachnid!

WHAT WORKS: *SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE AWESOME! For a low budget monster movie, I was impressed by the sophistication of the special effects. They are good enough to be believed, and there's not too much CGI, and what there is really works. It's definitely a throwback to old school monster movies, and that's a good thing!

*DR LEON'S VOICE IS AWESOME! José Sancho has the most beautiful voice, it's like cotton candy to my ears. I could listen to him talk for hours, he should do books on tape.

WHAT DOESN'T WORK: *LOREN MERCER IS A B*TCH Mercer's (Alex Reid) insipid whining makes her the most unlikable character, but we're supposed to believe Valentine (Chris Potter) is attracted to her? Why? There's no reason why he would be, so a lot of the movie doesn't make sense.

*DR. LEON'S CONSTANT SQUABBLING WITH MERCER HAS NO POINT It also doesn't make sense. Yeah, she's a b*tch, but there's never a real reason given as to why they are always fighting.

*THE SOUND IS TERRIBLE especially in the opening scenes. I don't know if this was just on the platform I was using (Tubi), or if it's that way on the DVD too, parts were almost unwatchable.

*IT FEELS LIKE THE NATIVES ARE JUST HERE TO GET ATE and that's not cool.

*WHY DOES SUSANA SUDDENLY FREAK OUT, when she's been chill as a cucumber for the entire movie? It's stupid! Susana (Neus Asensi) has been the voice of reason, putting Mercer in her place, and remaining calm when no one else does, throughout the entire movie. Why then, would she suddenly freak out, and run screaming into danger?

*HENRY CAPRI - ARACHNOLOGIST, SHOULD HAVE MADE IT Henry Capri (Ravil Isyanov), the quirky spider guy, who looks like Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley (1976), should have made it. It seems like throughout the movie, the people you want to make it, don't, and the people who irritate you, do.

*THEY KILL THE MAMA SPIDER, but leave the eggs, soon to hatch into babies? Capri says if only one gets loose, it could destroy the human race, but they go off and leave 100's of eggs, when they could just as easily set them on fire. WTH?

TO RECOMMEND, OR NOT TO RECOMMEND, THAT IS THE QUESTION: *This is a remake of the 1957 Lon Chaney Jr. Classic, A Maldição do Monstro Sinistro (1957), (available on Tubi). If you like monster movies, I'd recommend watching both, so you can compare. They both are very low budget, but that's part of the fun. The special effects in Arachnid (2001) are much better than they should be, elevating it out of obscurity. It's a fun way to turn your brain off, but only watch and rate if you enjoy silly, low budget, monster fun. If not, go listen to NPR, or something.

CLOSING NOTES: *THIS IS A LOW BUDGET MONSTER MOVIE, please keep that in mind before you watch/rate it. These types of movies have a much lower budgets, and so your expectations should be adjusted.

*I HAVE NO CONNECTION TO THE FILM, or production in ANY way. This review was NOT written in full, or in part, by a bot. I am just an honest viewer, who wishes for more straight forward reviews (less trolls and fanboys), and better entertainment. Hope I helped you out.