Machined

(2005) Machined HORROR

Music, produced, written and directed by Craig McMahon directing a super duper low budgeter via cam corder style showing an overweight extremely hairy, heavy set guy, Dan (David C. Hayes) buying a knife which supposed to belong to some serial killer stolen from a police station. And then while Dan is driving along an isolated highway, he accidentally hits someone, his name is Ryan (Jose Rosete) knocking this fellow out. Then the next scene shows this new guy, that Dan had hit was being transformed into a serial killer somewhat electronically whomever enters his machine shop asking for help to fix his/her vehicle. At the same time the Ryan's sister, Angela (Pam Tiddall) goes out and tries to find and locate him since the police are inconsistent and careless, suspecting that his brother might still be alive and close to the area. Bomb.

Renting movies is sort of like fishing ,you throw out a line and see what you get.I had never heard of this movie so I thought I'd give it a shot a see what I got.Not much ,it turns out.

This big fat weirdo of a mechanic who lives out in the desert runs runs over a guy walking along side the road.So instead of calling an ambulance our big fat bald weirdo takes the wounded guy back to his garage and puts him back together with mechanical parts.So then the big fat bald mechanic teaches Machine Man to kill people while baldy sits in another room and whacks off while watching it all on a monitor.I swear thats the movie.Really.

But don't let my dazzling synopsis fool you.It was a terrible movie.Badly lit,badly acted.I mean badly,badly acted.No special effects to speak of except people being stabbed and then getting back up and getting back in the action as if being stabbed through the liver can be cured by holding your side.

The movie also had all these annoying little atmosphere effects...like the light bulbs kept flickering and the monitor screens kept blinking off and on and these things happened over and over to the point of being so freaking irritating.So the mechanic could make a part man part machine to kill people but he couldn't fix a light bulb so it would stop flickering?And the Machine Man made these robot like sounds whenever he would move.Well Machine Man may be too grand a term....he looked more like some doofus in a football helmet with lights on it and he also had what looked like shoulder pads on too! There were a couple of topless chicks but they weren't enough to save this waste of time.This is just another home made looking piece of crap movie from Lionsgate.Shot on video at night in some junkyard......please someone take the cameras away from these little snot noses who all think they can make a horror movie.

It was probably a year ago when I first heard about Craig McMahon's MACHINED, and I gotta tell you - I was instantly intrigued. There's just something about a creature being part-man and part-machine that runs around slaughtering people. That and plus the poster art looked damn cool. So eventually I found a good time for viewing it, in the dark, no distractions and I was pretty impressed. There are not many films like MACHINED, I can promise you that! This tale is about a big, fat, hairy guy who goes by the name of 'Motorman Dan', who has a few personal problems. For one: he likes to jerk off while reading about serial killers; two: he dreams of having a "pet" serial killer of his own, and three: well, he's fat… So eventually, Dan accidentally runs over a young man named Ryan, (Jose Rosete), who was trying to flag him down for a ride at the time. Oops…Dan's bad. Oh, well, it's all good; more body parts for his dream "killing machine". After Dan adds the final touches to his creation, he lets it loose all over town, (that being his garage). One problem… Ryan has a few friends, who along with his sister Angela are determined to find out what happened to the unlucky young fellow.

MACHINED succeeds in many ways, atmosphere being one of them. Honestly, they nailed it so well (pun intended) I felt like I was right there in the grungy garage of horrors with the robotic killing machine, fat Dan himself and of course, his hairy back. I think director Craig McMahon accomplishes this by keeping the film very dark, both in tone and the impressive camera work. I don't think there's one shot even hinting at sunlight. It also helps that there are many first perspective shots in the film.

The sound design is second on the list of well-used elements. The effects were awesome, most of them coming from the killing machine itself. It's very interesting how McMahon combines the score with the sound effects. At times when the machine is walking around you can hear the nuts and bolts squeaking, but eventually those sounds become part of the score, which is insanely cool.

Now for the first negative aspect: the acting. For the most part the cast does a descent job, but there were definitely a few spotty moments. Our lead actor, Patti Tindall, who plays Angela, does a descent job…but I would have liked her to have been a little more realistic with her reactions. I mean, here she is fighting her brother who is now a robotic killing machine, and she acts as if she deals with this crap everyday. Maybe downplaying her emotions was a directorial choice, but it didn't work for me. My favorite cast member overall was David C. Hayes, who plays 'Motorman Dan'. He was rather brave with his choices and definitely comes across as being the most charismatic of the bunch. Now if he would just take a lawn mower to his back, we'd be all set. He'd probably make more money selling his back hair then he got for acting in the film. There's also one pretty bad apple in the cast, but I won't name names. See if you can guess who it is… The second element that didn't rock my boat was the characters. I'm not sure if it was because of weak performances (at times), the way they were written or the lack of realism that shooting with digital video sometimes displays, but I wasn't emotionally invested in them. During the finale, when Angela is going head-to-head with what's left of her brother, I could have cared less who won. I'm guessing that's not a good thing.

Overall, I found MACHINED to be problematic at times, but it's definitely interesting and I'm damn glad I experienced it. Notice how I said "experienced it?" I say that because it's such an odd and unique film. I would recommend you check it out, but just don't go in expecting greatness. Keep in mind that it's pretty much a better-than-average independent film and you'll be in for a solid ninety minutes.

Wow...This movie is quite possibly the worst horror movie I've seen. Actors are horrible..the music??? a hole 2 songs that play over and over again if you have heard of a movie killing a song.. this movie has killed the song.. buried it back up and killed it again. The sound Fx..the screeching every 2 seconds quite annoying. In closing Id say if you wanna see a low budget piece of crap.. Go and watch this because it will satisfy you completely. It has all the elements in movies that you shouldn't do if you're into film-making. I can't believe that a studio actually made this and is selling and renting it in blockbuster. It really opens the word to filmmakers and shows that crap can be taken a long way.

While driving through the Arizona Sonoran Desert, Ryan (Jose Rosete) runs out of fuel and he is forced to stop his car. The sadistic mechanic and collector of serial killer weapons Motorman Dan (David C. Hayes) runs over Ryan and brings him to his workshop, transforming him in a killer wearing a strange outfit. Ryan kills clients of the mechanic workshop for the pride and joy of Motorman Dan, becoming a serial-killer. Meanwhile his sister Angela (Patti Tindall) seeks out Ryan in the desert and meets Motorman Dan, who abducts her for Ryan, while her husband Clay (Mark Ray) chases Angela.

The sadistic low-budget "Machined" is an annoying and tedious crap. The ridiculous plot is stupid, and the soundtrack causes irritation to the viewer. The unknown Patti Tindall has a good performance but is unable to save this fiasco. The fake reviews promoting this flick misguided my choice and I saw this garbage expecting to see a reasonable horror movie. My vote is two.

Title (Brazil): "Oficina da Morte" ("Workshop of the Death")