Blood Car

Simple ideas can sometimes lead to brilliance. Take Eraserhead, a very easy film to understand turned into a masterpiece of simple, and modest film-making. The film Primer, one of the most simple story-lines ever conceived became a must-see because of the elementary approachability and simple style it used. And with the amazing title, Blood Car, we are once again given a film that uses a simple approach to put smiles on the masses eager faces.

Eh, to get to the flick, that ramble above wasn't very funny and neither was this movie. The flick revolved around a rather unlikeable poindexter who is trying to make an engine that runs on wheatgrass. Oh yeah, the gas prices are around 30 bucks so no one besides rich people drive cars anymore. Getting back on point, the dork eventually finds out that blood makes his lil engine run, and he eventually gets laid by some hot meat lovin' chick, and he ends up killing people so he can get laid more and be successful. Eh, there's some more tidbits here and there, but there's no reason to get into it.

I had slightly high hopes for this flick. And once again, I'm let down. These son of a bitches out there making these posters are doing some damn good jobs. Pig Hunt and Ink are two other flicks I was tricked into watching because of their cool posters. Bully to that!

The flick ain't all bad as there's some nudity, some okay acting, a couple scenes of splattery blood, and maybe a giggle or two. But the humor in this flick is tacked on much too much. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who dig this type of college/try too hard/nerd humor, but it's not my cup of tea. Check it out if you're bored, easily amused, or have a vendetta against oil companies. Bah humbug!

Do you worry about the price of fuel? If the price continues to rise, only the richest dudes will drive cars. Cars will regain their rightful place as 'babe' wagons. In this eco-friendly age where wheatgrass is the new cool, clean-cut kindergarten nerd Archie hangs up his teacher hat and goes home to work on a new invention – a car powered by the green slime itself.

Archie stops for supplies at the vegan store where a prim and proper bespectacled girl sells him wheatgrass while sketching artistic pornography ("your cum tastes like tofu") under the counter. Across the yard at the meat stall is a more predatory chick whose intentions are more openly high octane kinky sex. As they compete for his affection, Archie accidentally discovers that blood added to wheatgrass makes the engine work a treat. He even dispenses with the wheatgrass. Archie is a vegan, so killing small animals causes him great emotional anguish. Even more when they won't stay still. But having bagged a few quadrupeds there is even more anguish when he realise the car wants human blood or nothing.

Blood Car is a crisply-made, ultra low-budget movie that has been compared to the Troma films or those of Russ Meyer and John Waters. Low-tech special effects, bouncing bosoms, and hilariously tongue-in-cheek. For the first hour, I was spellbound by its audacity, the thumbing at convention, and never knowing where it was going next. The sight of Archie on a bike, wielding an axe and chasing two FBI men, reminded me of the luckless cyclist hero-nerd from Peter Jackson's early movie, Braindead. But then it struck me. Blood Car was made by talented people who knew their trash movies. And good lighting. And good cinematography. But it was also a mish-mash of many styles. It lacks consistency. Acting is (at best) caricature. And for all the gore, sex and violence it still lacks bite. Political satire here entertains rather than protests. Blood Car's limits are tamely within those defined by the Meyer and Waters it emulates. It had no real axe to grind against Hollywood as does Troma. It reeks of clever students showing off.

But although I was ultimately disappointed, I was still entertained for over an hour. It was the low-brainer I needed after an overly-serious and slightly soul-destroying morning. Like the girl who flashes her tits at Archie to get a lift, and is then lured into the boot to see the puppies, I had been happily hooked. It would sound mean to say I'd been had. Even if it's true. And, like me, I bet you want to look in the boot . . .

You have to appreciate what this movie is trying to accomplish and who it is made for. This is a terribly fun movie. The comedy is laugh out loud throughout, plenty of bloody goodness (the scene where Archie taps himself for blood will make even hardened gore fans squirm), and...oh my God...a message that you can sink your teeth into. What a concept, a comedy/thriller that has a point (anyone who doesn't "get it" can find Hostel 2 out on DVD)!

Watching this film is like seeing a good local band. You know you're not going to see Black Sabbath, but you still might see a really rocking group. This isn't Silence of the Lambs, most movies aren't, but it sure as hell is better than most of the garbage out there.

I went in hoping for Little Shop of Horrors vs. Mad Max, but ultimately found myself unamused and waiting for the film to end. While the premise is interesting, there's not enough substance to sustain the entire length of the film, which feels too long even at only 76 minutes.

It's a notable achievement for their shoestring budget, but otherwise it comes across as very amateurish, the comedic scenes are forced (as in, "look at me, I'm trying to be funny"), and the characters are really unlikeable (save for Anna Chlumsky, whose portrayal of the girl next door is one of he few redeeming factors of this film). But, I've definitely seen worse. Heck, I've WORKED on worse films.

Schlock at its modern best. What made those 70s horror films great were their serious intent delivered with such camp. That is what works for "Blood Car." This indie film, directed by Alex Orr and starring Anna "My Girl" Chlumsky and Mike Brune is a fun romp into the camp of yesteryear, serving up generous portions of horror, humor, and political satire of our current affairs. Does it all work together? You bet! "Blood Car" bested my expectations with its over-the-top acting, a silly yet disturbingly plausible story (plausible in the most twisted of minds), and some brilliant editing work considering its indie film budget.

The film is set in the near future where gas costs hundreds of dollars to fill a tank. Only the most elite can afford to drive a car, making the cheapest of cars appear luxury if only for the fact that they can be powered down a road. The story concerns an elementary school teacher who seeks a method of clean-burning fuel to use in place of gasoline. As our teacher Archie loves his wheat grass, he tries to use it as an alternate fuel. During the experiment, he cuts himself, spilling blood into the mixture that makes an engine run. It's only later that he realizes its the blood and not the wheat grass creating the combustion. When he finds that the source runs out quickly, he abandons his life-loving peaceful ways and goes onto a killing spree to keep his car running. Plenty of humor runs between all the pseudo-violence as our poor anti-hero just wants to make good for the world, while spilling human blood. It was a joy to watch on the big screen and brought back memories of my drive-in days. (Yes, I'm old enough to remember drive-ins. They were outdoor theaters which you drove your car into, and... never mind.) Definitely a must-see destined for the cult-classic home DVD libraries.