A Mulher Biônica

I did appreciate this show for one thing, unintentional humor. My sig other and I watched this and were laughing within the first 10 minutes. From the dreadfully cliché story line, forced, weak romance as if she's 12 years old and everyone on the show has the maturity of high schoolers, to her "powers," there's more cheese than Wisconsin produces in a decade here. Quite possibly this is the worst show to ever hit the boob tube since in the 80s they tried this show that revolved around a bunch of fun-loving flight attendants, a show so bad you could tell they were reading of cue cards just off camera.

And the writers went on strike AFTER the show started airing, which makes one wonder after watching this total garbage and waste of broadcast bandwidth how they can possibly justify more money for what they do. And now, I guess showing maybe there is a god, it's getting canceled. Good riddance, wow this was a bad show. Wow.

But again, it's a funny show due to it's completely stupid vapid and implausible aspects, to the really bad acting, if one can even justify it as "acting," to Jaime Sommers huge loft in NYC, laughable because it would run about four million or so for such a thing, but hey, it's "fantasy" I guess, and you're living in a fantasy if you think this show is anything more than garbage.

Yes, I said fun to watch. Will it win any awards for writing, acting, cinematography, effects, lighting, or music? Probably not, but then so what? It's still fun to watch. I admit having never seen Battlestar Gallactica, so I can't give you any comparisons but then why would I, they are not even in the same genre, sure they are both science fiction but that where it ends and it'd be silly to compare them just because some of the actors were in both.

It is a natural to compare this to the original show that was hugely popular back in the 70's, but... except for the bionics and her name there really isn't any similarity. It's a new show with new characters and modernized.

Sorry Oscar.

A great show? No. A good show? Maybe, a few more episodes will tell. Either way it's entertainment and I liked it.

Firstly and foremost, I have to point out that I am a big fan of the new Galactica, although I don't personally see why that should apply to the reception of a separate show. And yes, I know there are considerable crossovers in writing and acting talent, but the show still deserves to be evaluated on its own.

Secondly, rose-tinted memories aside, remember that old seventies shows have not generally stood the test of time. They were strictly formulaic, beset by comedy fashion and hairstyle, and the bionic woman itself was a cheap knock off of its masculine origin show. For God's sake, they varied the implants just so she would be different to Steve Austin.

Of course, restrictions of formula still apply. An audience that has been gobbling up 24, Lost and Prison Break for the last few years now has higher expectations of a new show. Better production values, more stylised dialogue and a greater sense of mythology pervade these shows. And Heroes has pushed the benchmark out about as far as it can go.

So any new pilot on any network is going to come under serious scrutiny. And I think Bionic Woman holds up. I will concede that the script for the pilot was a little ropey - I had the distinct feeling a pilot movie script had been seriously hacked down to size. But the performances were strong enough to hold it, and the photography and visual design showed some innovation.

The biggest problem with series (as opposed to movies) is that it can take much longer for a show to build up the momentum it needs to create its identity. The Bionic Woman had always been a family show, just like The Six Million Dollar Man. If the new Bionic Woman is going to establish itself as the same, then it will have to pitched just right.

So it gets six out of ten. Better than average. Better than a lot of shows that somehow continue, but worse than many who have fallen by the wayside. Lets just hope that NBC give Jamie Summers time to show us who she really is.

Whether it's a hit or not, for me it has already wiped another laughable 70s show off the map. Maybe they could update The Fall Guy, only it would be about a CGI artist who used his power of computer graphics to help a different woman every week...

I think this "re-make" can be summed up in one observation: the premier episode was just an hour. Therefore, it was just another episode. Problem is, you can't lay the foundation for what is obviously supposed to be a blockbuster series in just one hour. Much less a re-make that is marketed to draw in everybody over the age of 40 who watched the original "Bionic Woman" and "The Six Million Dollar Man."

As a member of that demographic, I was left very much wanting. The premier was basically a "wham, bam, thank you, m'am" undertaking. It was like the producers were going down a checklist:

Introduce Jamie Sommers - check. Have her dating Rudy Wells - HUH?!? Show her catastrophic accident - check. Give her her bionics - check. Show her shocked reaction - check. Show her anger at what happened to her - check. Make her an OSI agent - check. Run closing credits - check.

Heck, they probably had ten minutes left over when they finished the list, which would explain the obligatory (for this day & age) bedroom scene. And that's indicative of how much the new writers care about the original show.

If they want to attract and hold those of us who were fans of the original as kids, why not acknowledge that history? Give this Bionic Woman a different name, have her learn that bionics have been around for over thirty years, and that Steve Austin and Jamie Sommers were the patriarch and matriarch of the cyborg community. Make it "Bionic Woman: The Next Generation". That would dovetail a lot better with Katie Sackhoff's character of "Bionic Woman Gone Bad".

Be bold. Be creative. Give hardcore BW fans something to sink their teeth into.

But no. All we have is, as another commenter coined, a "cookie-cutter" hybrid of other "super woman" genres of recent vintage. Basically, "BWINO" - Bionic Woman In Name Only.

I'll probably give it a chance for a while - if I remember it's on.

Network: NBC; Genre: Sci-Fi Action; Content Rating: TV-PG (for comic book violence); Available: DVD; Perspective: Contemporary (star range: 1 - 4);

Seasons Reviewed: Series (1 season)

"Bionic Woman" barrels onto the fall 2007 schedule with a typhoon of hype that it doesn't deserve and outspoken armchair critic repulsion that it also probably doesn't deserve. Worst show ever? Hardly. As with "Cavemen", the internet rebellion is on overdrive again to take something down.

A remake of the 1976 series of the same name (with a slogan taken from the 1975 series of a different name), NBC's "Bionic Woman" updates Jamie Summers and her ear, arm and legs (and installs a bionic eye) for a new generation. Now, that special effects have reached the technological point that they can be pulled off on TV cheaply without looking so, 70s sci-fi is fair game for any high-tech re-imagining.

I'll admit, I was taken with these visual effects in the first episode, when Jamie (the bodacious Michelle Ryan, perfectly up for all the action) escapes from the lab that re-assembled her and runs through a forest. We actually see her legs moving, instead of the blurred Tom Welling that dashes through "Smallville". Soon the pilot climaxes in a blurry bionic-woman-on-bionic-woman fight scene shot with such shot cuts it's guaranteed to pull you out of the action with it's trickery. As is all of the show's fighting. We can make a woman run at lightening speed look real but we can't make a fight scene look like it wasn't created entirely in the editing suite.

But let's talk about "Smallville". On that comic book series the action sequences are creatively constructed and bring to a head the emotional strands of the story. The acting, at least from the supporting players, is quite good and the show is a cinematic production, visually restrained and musically appropriated. "Bionic" is a cold, shallow exercise in frenzied fight scenes and time-tested shoot-outs.

The show doesn't have an original bone in it's body; and not just because it's a remake. Like any big budget production it plays everything safe from soup to nuts, following even it's own formula strictly. Jamie works for a secret government agency, led by Miguel Ferrer (still playing the gruff but concerned team leader from "Crossing Jordan"), who sends her out on assignments to foil terrorists across the country and around the world. It's "Chuck" without the quirky humor, "Heroes" without the invention, "Smallville" without the heart. It may be apples and oranges but look at the ho-hum episode in which Jamie returns to college for an assignment and compare that to a similar and far more inspired episode of "Chuck" where that show's unlikely secret agent returns to college.

I recognize this is all criticism you either know already or just assumed from the show's status as a remake. But you'd have to see it to know how just about everything down to the studs doesn't work. It's wildly over-directed and to counter-act that it's blandly scripted. It is a hollow-to-the-core Hollywood production, mechanically assemble out of condescension and laziness, betting that viewers will sit slack-jawed through the 50 minutes of routine, talky set-up just to see Jamie bust out a bionic feat of strength and save the day in the final 5 minutes. That's all we'll get and we'll be lucky to get it.

The biggest insult? For my money it's the way the show takes "Breath Me", a song that lent such beauty and such an emotional punch in the gut to the "Six Feet Under" finale and just slap-dash lays it over a training montage. Heresy!

* ½ / 4