Hot Rod Horror

Somehow this film managed to assure me that enjoyable low budget 'bad' films are still being made today. I thought that things were becoming a bit emotionally detached as people can insert more CGI into their zero budget films (like Battle:Earth) but here we have a genuinely low budget film, without CGI, or Tarantino rip-offs, or over the top camera work. It's just a straight forward horror with really bad acting that looks as if it cost about ten quid to make.

Story wise we've got a bunch of kids heading off to a scrap yard to get...something (not sure) while their girlfriends moan about such an unromantic outing. The sister of one of the guys there goes to get him as the scrappy is haunted. It is pretty much haunted by a guy who looks like a passing labourer who wandered onto the set.

He's got a backstory though, but we'll get to that in a minute. What we have here is a film where people are looking for each for most of the duration of the film (like Legend of the Mummy 2, Museum of the Dead and Psycho Cop), and it's a plot device I hate. However, in this film the actors are so awful at trying to convey emotion that it becomes almost charming (like the emoting in Zombie Nosh, another zero-budget film that's pretty enjoyable).

It's also a very vintage car oriented plot. I don't know if I would have survived the excitement of watching the actual race they carried out in the bad guy's flashback sequence, so I'm glad we just got a brief summary of what happened. If you like American cars, you might like this a bit more. If you like gore or boobs, then you'd better get out of here because you get about two seconds of gore and no boobs.

What you do get is a guy with a mullet, a bald patch and another mullet on the front of his head, and various scenes of a girl trying to find somewhere to have a pee (or a crap I guess, never quite specified the second time round). There's enough cheese, Garth Marenghi level acting, and general badness to enjoy this from start to finish. I was never bored for a second.

I'm not sure where anyone could find merit enough to give a movie this bad more than 3 stars at the most. It is total camp and filled with horrible acting. The story line itself wasn't that bad but the acting was so bad that at times it seemed like they were reading their lines from Que cards. The person or persons that own the wrecking yard has a gold mine though. The old Harley "Knucklehead" at the beginning of the movie was the only prop that was worth any real money. I have heard of shoestring budgets for making movies, this one is beyond broke. Glad I didn't pay money to see this flick, ugh. It gets a generous 3 out of ten.

Just spent the afternoon viewing a horror double bill before heading out for the night. The Shining was the other movie - understandably, that film has an experienced director, cast, crew and a budget that yielded what it sowed: a horror masterpiece. Hot Rod Horror - the second on the double bill - is the complete opposite. It wasn't the fatigue of the double bill that made me dislike this. We watched Hot Rod Horror first as we had preconceptions of The Shining through its reputation and having read the book. The thing I didn't like about this is its weak structure, terrible direction and bad dialogue. I got the feeling that the cast were amateurs - some were OK, whilst the others seemed not to know what they were doing. There's simply no tension or horror in Hot Rod Horror - the car lot of junk was cool and the film being shot in daylight gave me the presumption that I had a Texas Chainsaw Massacre / The Hills Have Eyes on me hands. Unfortunately, there was nothing here - no thrills, no suspense, no fun - looks reasonably shot for a low budget, but there's nothing here to write home about.

This is not your typical horror-gore film. In fact a lot of the horror is left to your imagination-that's one of the things I liked about this movie. True-the acting isn't perfect-but then again-most of the teens in this movie were just starting out. I do think the editing could have been better. But I did get creeped out by this movie and at the same time I got a kick out it! It's also campy and funny. Whether the director was going for campy/funny-I don't know-but I think that's what makes this film work. Most of the film takes place during the day which is also different. The good thing about that is that you're able to see what is going on. A lot of horror films take place at night or they are just so dark you can't see anything. Over all I think this is a decent indie horror/action/comedy movie.

I certainly didn't have high expectations. The premise couldn't be more familiar, and in actuality the picture is even more common and ordinary. More substantively, second- or third-tier, small-time horror is all too rarely any good. In the age of the Internet, when anyone can make anything and have it distributed for an audience, there is far too much muck out there and a dearth of earnest, quality film-making. That's not to say that there aren't exceptions; I've seen no-budget amateur horror that with care and hard work far outpaced major studio offerings. One must allow for the possibility that, given the opportunity, any Nobody making an unheard-of flick might surprise us. Thus did I sit for 'Hot rod horror' prepared for the worst but hoping for the best. Unfortunately, this is the sort of title to inspire profound skepticism right from the start, and not only does it not improve, but if anything it gets worse as the minutes tick by.

I'm not inclined to doubt the sincerity of anyone involved. I think they applied what effort they could with the capabilities they possessed. The skills of the contributors are another matter, however, and the glaring lack of resources only exacerbates the issue, shining a spotlight on what those involved could not do. Darrell Mapson's direction is achingly limp and weak, coming off as agonizingly false and artificial; the tone is at best flat and unbothered, and the fundamental orchestration of shots and scenes is deeply troubled, with dubious timing and otherwise consideration even for things like sound effects, reactions, and basic movement. I recognize that the cast, including star Alexandra Gorman, are really trying to give as meaningful of performances as they can, but the most that could be said is that the acting is highly variable. More than not it's direly unconvincing, and amidst hopelessly dull, even-keeled delivery we even get some flubbed lines that weren't corrected in another take.

In a spirit of generosity we might at least say that there were some fair ideas in the story or scene writing, but under Mapson's guidance they amount to nothing. Just as much to the point, the pen of Willy Ortlieb, also starring as apparent boogeyman Axel, is representative of skills that are equally, sorrily undeveloped. The plot is desperately thin and barely holds any water; forget "thrills" altogether. Not least with a lengthy "flashback" scene to provide "lore," the development of that plot raises a quizzical eyebrow. The dialogue is roundly awful, and even if there are indeed scattered fair ideas, the scene writing is not truly any better when you get down to it, with too many moments almost inciting one to anger for how flimsy they are (e.g., an unprovoked attack on a scrapped car, or another brief flashback late in the length). The image quality is so bare-faced as to almost be painful on the eyes; Mapson's cinematography exists on about the same level as his direction, and the editing is generally just tiresome.

Is there any unmitigated point of positivity to find in this film? The production has the benefit of a swell filming location, ripe with possibility, in the centerpiece junkyard. While the original music here is bland and generic, Kurt Oldman, Paul Vawter, and William Verkler were at least aiming for the right vibes, and some select examples are pretty decent, including a title song that meekly mimics AC/DC. Tiny tidbits here and there are more clever and/or well done than some others, including a couple death scenes, minor stunts or special makeup, or even an odd shot or two. And look, I'll say it: I feel bad being so negative. I think Mapson, Ortlieb, and all others on hand were just trying to make a movie, and were simply unable to do so in a manner that meets any particular standards. I believe they gave 'Hot rod horror' an honest go, and I hope that all went on to grow in their skills; maybe some day I'll see something else they made and be impressed. Still, none of this changes the fact that the end result tends to be a labor to sit through. The feature needed far more time to incubate, with in the very extreme least a director of more experience, to have any real chance at succeeding. And that's just not what we get.

There are far worse things you could watch. I've seen the bottom of the barrel, and for as gravely unsatisfactory as this is, all the same it's nowhere near being a nadir. I see what they tried to do. Be that as it may, there is not remotely enough value in these eighty-eight minutes to merit a watch, and one is best served by just never bothering. Well and truly, I extend only my best wishes for the writer, the director, and the cast and crew, and part of me wants to like this more than I do. One way or another, though, 'Hot rod horror' just doesn't cut it.