Ninja Cheerleaders

I thought I should comment on this film, since it's really not as cute as it was probably meant to be. The film revolves around three girls who are determined to get into Brown College. To pay their tuition they strip at a local bar. The owner of the bar is a ninja master who lands into some heavy trouble and of course the ninja cheerleaders get involved.

The first thing that's off is just the title: Ninja Cheerleaders. It kind of sums it up. I got fooled by the ninja part. Almost everything in the film is tacky. Plot, writing, directing, lighting, fighting etc. A few of the older actors do deliver nicely, but they can't salvage this shipwreck of a film. The biggest disappointment is actually the poor quality of the fights, since I'm a huge fan of martial arts.

I'm thinking that the target audience for this film is young girls who need a strong role-model of a determined successful woman who doesn't need a man. Oh my god, did I really just write that? Another target group is probably teenage boys, who would be better off watching American pie, at least it has boobies in it.

P.S. I might ask the film makers what's up with the topless women between scene changes? Of very poor taste and utterly irrelevant...

Cute. The girls are cute. The fight scenes are cute. The red VW Beetle is cute. Etc.

These girls fight for justice, righting wrongs, selling Girl Scout cookies - that is, when they aren't stealing swords in the middle of the night, cheering at their junior college, and dancing at a strip club, where they never actually strip.

It's funny how a B-movie like this contains less action than it would if it were an A-movie. There is actually more acting in this movie than I expected, given all the background elements thrown in at random.

I think this movie was more fun to make than it is to watch, but it was fun for at least one viewing.

You should be honest here. If you come in to check out a flick with the title of "Ninja Cheerleaders", you're most likely expecting hot cheerleaders and sexy ninjas. Not much more. Certainly neither Grammy-worthy acting nor a real plot is required here. You do actually WANT bad jokes, bad acting, ridiculous action, tons of TnA and heavy cheesiness! :-) You've come to the wrong place my friend, Ninja Cheerleaders does not deliver on almost any of these points! In fact, it might surprise you with bad taste.

Cheese factor is overwhelmingly great, so no complaints in that department. You will indeed get 3 hot all-in-one chicks karate-chopping the living hell out of some villain nuts. I kid you not when I say all-in-one! They're all super smart as well as the most beautiful women on earth who are made of steel, and on top of that they're also strippers, cheerleaders and A-grade college students. They are the essence of feminist perfection (I guess except for the stripper part, but it links in). Not only one of them is that awesome, but all three of them are MORE awesome than the other. I doubt they can even die! Every single dude in the whole school wants to get in their pants, whether jock or professor! In fact, it seems all the men on earth cannot resist them (except for their sage, wise, calm Japanese mentor and sensei... who also employs them as strippers in his club).

Yet, while they're indeed pretty, I didn't seem to be struck by them in the same way the male characters in the movie were. I've seen hotter babes even in real life. Perhaps this whole crazy chemical reaction only happens to the brains of unfortunate males that ran out of luck when they inadvertently happened to be right in front of the killer girls? Poor guys, it must be the spirit of the ninja. So far, so good? Well keep reading.

What baffles me is that with such a title and cover, you are targeting an audience of males looking for some goodhearted enjoyment through cheesy action and plenty of TnA. Yet, you never get any nudity from our katana-loving heroines: BOOOO!!! It gets even worse.

Did I say "karate-chopping the living hell out of some villain *nuts*"? I meant that literally! There's WAY TOO MUCH testicle-crushing here for any normal dude's enjoyment or (even) comfort! At one point, the girls even threaten to shove a hose up a bad guy's anus to his intestines, while taunting him as to whether the water overflowing his intestines would hurt more or would it be the metal tip of the hose entering him! All this, of course, only happens after one of our protagonists crushes his testicles in her bare hands (even commenting on how cool the crushing of testicles sounds). Nothing gory or really vicious-minded, but definitely a most disheartening picture for a normal man (and foolishly, with such a title, normal men are the targeted audience!).

The overly feminist overtones throughout the movie really ridicules the director David Presley. Our heroines explicitly utter things along the lines of "Men think they're superior so I *crush* their reasons to believe so" (with a big smile). Maybe at the time of the making of "Ninja Cheerleaders", Presley had recently undergone surgery below the belt that went really bad, and sought catharsis by making a ball-crushing movie.

On a side note, the acting sometimes is surprisingly good! But then again, the audience for such a movie doesn't care about acting! In fact, within a certain style and range, the worse the acting the more we love it.

I think this flick will greatly appeal to masochist men as well as feminist lesbians. Good, hot-blooded dudes, you should look elsewhere. The verdict: Good crazy action, heavy cheese factor, super-I-AM-YOUR-GOD-women, HEAPS of blatant feminist overtones, a serious lack of taste for a man simply looking for a fun B-Flick, and perhaps worst of all no real nudity. 2 stars for the cheese factor alone. Voilà!

I was drawn to the unsurpassable promise given by the title. I got what I expected, but also more. Ninja Cheerleaders is the best bad movie I ever saw, very funny if you don't take it serious and with some surprisingly good elements here and there.

You are not likely to mistake it for a Kubrick movie, nor will you ponder whether Jet Li could have done better fights. I have however seen a lot of allegedly A-movies which are much worse than this.

So if you like the title, don't miss the movie!

And no, they are not naked. They are only very pretty, very sparsely dressed and move quite nicely.

Now this one was pretty insulting, though, honestly, going into a movie called Ninja Cheerleaders you know what you're getting into. Still, the description on the On Demand channel was hard to resist: three college girls are cheerleaders and students by day, but by night they are either ninjas or strippers. Depends on the night. Both of those professions, however, have the same employer, the girls' karate instructor Hiroshi, played by none other than George Takei. Kind of creepy, as the implication is that Sulu has been training these girls in the martial arts since they were children, and then later employed them at his strip club (so they can raise the money to go from their community college to Brown). The action is laughably awful. Most of the acting is actually better than one would expect. The three leads, Trishelle Cannatella, Ginny Weirick and Maitland McConnell are never going to win an Oscar, but they're acting is far above porn star acting. And at least they're attractive. The biggest bummer here is that the three cuties never show their breasts. They get down to lingerie. So as not to tease the audience too much, director Presley throws in some fancy wipes to real strippers for no particular reason as the scenes transition. This is most definitely schlock, but it kind of reminded me of the good old days of late night HBO or USA Up-All-Nite.