Albino Farm

What could've been a very crafty and very intelligent piece of horror turns into a very formulaic and very familiar piece of the slasher film genre we see far too much of. Albino Farm's premise is interesting, but the execution is very poor, and we can see the movie struggle to maintain its short eighty-five minutes by delaying action until around forty minutes in.

Albino Farm takes forever to get going, and when it does, you only wish it had more to offer. The film focuses on four teenagers (Sursok Lagano, Richey, and Bala) who venture out to document the Ozark Mountains for a school project. When the duo get a flat, they head out to a gas station with a strange, unsettling owner who warns them to turn back. One of the dumbest, cockiest, lame-brained teenagers in recent memory convince the gang to travel up to see what the hype is about.

They stumble across the town of Shiloh, which looks like a ghost-town. They learn that many of the town folk fear a legend called "Albino Farm." The teens split up with two going in search of the farm, and two going in search of a church. After doing the genius thing of getting picked up by a hick and two identical twins, they are taken out and abandoned at the Albino Farm. Let the horror movie clichés, jokes, antics, and chase scenes begin.

I believe this film is based off of the legend of a group of College students adventuring around the Ozark Mountains and never returning home. Either this is the legend itself, or a followup to it. Whatever it is, it is poorly executed.

Low budget horror films can't be critiqued by their budget. What you have it what you have, and I believe I shouldn't penalize the producers, directors, etc for working with what they had. I can respect that. But so much is done poorly. In order to believe the characters, you have to throw logic out the window. What makes you want to venture out to the deep part of the Ozarks in the first place? Curiosity kills the cat, and when you stumble upon creepy woods, it's likely to kill you as well.

The sound editing is messy. One point there is dead silence, the next moment the bass almost blows your speakers followed up by very dim talking. Your remote may need to be in your hands at all times for this. Not to mention, the pitch dark lighting may call for a brightness tune up. What a temperamental film. You need to pretty much modify everything on your TV to be satisfied while watching Albino Farm.

This also seems to be influenced by every redneck-slasher film on the market today. Throw three great horror films like The Hills Have Eyes, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Wrong Turn in a blender and it'll spit out this mediocre horror flick. Creativity is here, but the execution is like a dog on a leash fighting to inch itself closer to its desired destination while the owner is tugging back. Imagine the producers as the owner, the movie itself as the dog, and the destination being "typical redneck film schlock." There's a metaphor that will sum this up.

The makeup effects is where this film starts to redeem itself in quality. The effects on the creatures are realistic, but then the film wants to add some digital effects on some of the people. You can pretty much do that on any free editing system, and do it a lot better. Not being a Mac user, I still am sure this can be done one way or another on the Photo-booth program that comes free with the computer. They can do that, but they can't add some sort of effect to brighten up the scenery.

I can tell the crew were serious about making this film like the legend or something close to it. They didn't fall on their neck as much as they fell on their face in their attempts with this. Albino Farm, still, could've been great b-movie horror. What we have here, is just lazy editing and a lazy script ripping off so much of every other movie in its genre. It's a copy of a copy.

Starring: Chris Jericho, Richard Christy, Tammin Sursok, Duane Whitaker, Alicia Lagano, Nick Richey, and Sunkrish Bala. Directed by: Joe Anderson and Sean McEwen.

If you go down to the woods today, something nasty will happen, and if you are familiar with the genre you will know more or less what. It starts with four of them on the road trip - two guys and two girls - this one apparently for some sort of school project. And they happen upon Albino Farm unwisely ignoring the warnings of the locals to leave town PDQ.

The main problem with this film, but far from the only one, is that most of the action happens in the dark, so even if you understand what's going on, you can't see it. Aside from that, "Albino Farm" is just awful, not even the soundtrack can save it.

This has been on cable late at night and I finally sat and watched it all tonight. Creepy horror movie and the acting is NOT bad. 3 out of 4 of the main characters have impressive Hollywood resumes so these actors are not no talent bimbos. This movie is actually watchable.

Simple story about 4 young adults that go looking for an "albino farm" in a town full of hillbilly's and misfits. They run across a seemingly nice old lady who tells them stories about the town but it turns out she is just as weird as the whole town. Make-up on the creatures is good and this movie is not cheesy like many of the genre. Script is not stupid either and somewhat believable.

If you are up at night and see it come on, watch it.

Four college friends decide to stop of in a bizarre back-woods town full of people with birth defects while heading deep into the Ozark Mountains for a class assignment, entranced with these 'freaks' the group decides to investigate further much to their own detriment. The film is based, albeit extremely loosely, on the real Albino Farm. Also for any wrestling fan who only want to see it for Chris Jericho, you'll be disappointed as he's not in the movie much despite getting top-billing.

This is a dark film. Not really in subject matter, just that a good deal of the last half of the film is night time and more than a tad hard to see. This of course hampered my enjoyment of the film somewhat, but what I could see wasn't all that bad for a low-budget "Hills Have Eyes" clone. Some of the special effects were surprisingly effective (not counting the atrocious cgi towards the end of the film) and the acting was mediocre, yet well done enough for a film of it's ilk. There's absolutely no doubt that this movie won't set the world on fire, but it's competent enough to warrant a rental for undiscriminating fans of 'hillbilly horror'.

Eye Candy: Alicia Lagano's body double briefly flashes her breasts and Bianca Barnett gets topless but she's in 'pig bitch' make-up

My Grade: C-

MTI DVD Extras: Commentary by Co-writer, directors, producers Joe Anderson and Sean McEwen & co-producers Barry Curtis and Jason Stewart; a 24 & a half minute Behind-the- scenes featurette; a written essay on the legend of the farm; cast & crew bios;and trailers for this movie, "Pandemic", "Metamorphosis", "Killing Ariel" & "Cash"

I don't understand why financiers would waste their money (not to mention time)to provide us with such inept film work. I was unfortunately sucked into this grim tale by my curiosity about he mystique and legend that surrounds the Ozark terrain.

After the opening credits (which were good, thats why it gets a 2, you start noticing the shoddy camera work and FX, jeez these were bad. I in fact thought that this was in fact a parody of movies in this Genre (in the vein of Sam Raimi or even the Wayans Bros) until i realized that this was in fact horrible attempt at entertainment. The actors were absolutely atrocious, I wanted them to get slaughtered especially the white dude. Someone inviting that much trouble ought to get it. But let me tell you, you are going to have to wait for some gore, its only in the latter part (past 40min) that you will get a dose what i consider the worst CGI i have ever seen, worst than a Mark Dacascos movie. The make ups on the deformed people where so bad, you could in fact notice that they were wearing masks. MASKS, you gotta be kidding.

As for Y2J, he acts better on a WWE episode than he ever will in a movie. The Rock, Cena even Kennedy have managed moderate to big budget roles, the rock has even made it his full time career, i don't understand how Y2J would pick a crappy movie like this. Don't believe the hype, believe the word.

Bottom Line, on my top 10 crappolla list just behind the 5th Commandment, and in front of 10 Dead Men. Jeez Louiz