Fist of the Vampire

I watched "Fist of the Vampire" last night, and it's not a 10 but it's certainly not a 1. So, I have to wonder about the ratings I'm seeing here. Were they made by people who need to watch more movies so they have something to measure against? Or were they made by users who were being disingenuous?

The screener I saw had some problems with sound mixing (much of the dialogue was muddled while the foley artist's "meaty thwacks" during the fight scenes came across with crystal clarity), the fight scenes were well filmed but under-rehearsed (they all screamed "choreographed" to me) and there were many places where just a few seconds trimmed here and would have the difference between a scene going on for too long and it being just right.

Oh, and they used that animated bullet waaaaay too much at the beginning of the film. It was a neat effect the first time, but it got less impressive as it was repeated.

However, the acting was better than what I've come to expect from films at this level, the use of CGI and blue-screen effects was also pretty decent (even if I still don't know what all those sparks during the final showdown between Reno and Lee were all about), and the story was pretty solid and flowed nicely. There were no surprises in it, but it chugged along at a good pace.

"Fist of the Vampire" is a low 5 on my scale, and I wish I could understand what inspires such love or hatred that would cause someone to rate it a 10 or a 1.

Well, on the positive side I learned two things about vampires that I never knew before. (1) Besides drinking blood vampires also chew and swallow flesh. Until now I'd thought that only zombies did. (2) when stabbed, fatally choked, or exposed to sufficient sunlight, vampires catch fire. My advice to young people is to make your first date with anyone in the sunlight. While not surprised by the amount of beatings that vampires can take, I was amazed by how much damage human martial arts men and women can sustain without being seriously hindered. Also, though this is also true in many crime and Western movies, how severe beatings leave them unbruised. On the negative side, the dozens of martial arts dances (or whatever one calls them) were boring from the start and remained so. Such movies as the Calendar Girl, Cop, Killer? series demonstrate that this need not be so. The camera work was extremely jerky. So was the music, and often it didn't seem to "fit" what was going on. I'm a bit puzzled why a policewoman would wear stiletto heels when sneaking through a window into a dangerous building, but at least her doing so made it easier to recognize her in the subsequent muddy photography. I was amazed by the number of bullets that ordinary-seeming hand guns can hold. As is also common in crime movies and Westerns, their users also tend to be amazingly poor shots. Mercifully, the actors used the f-word rarely, though (less mercifully) most often in connection with maternal incest.

Want my advice? Avoid this film at all costs. I, in all honesty, wanted to like this movie. It looked at first glance like a Fight Club/Blade crossover, and how wrong I was...

I've heard of low budgets, but this must have been REALLY LOW. I mean, they used special effects for most of the blood, when it would have been a lot better to use stage blood. Because the effects are officially the worst I have ever seen, and need I remind you that this was made in 2007? Muzzle flashes, are also poorly added, as is fire and smoke.

The acting is just terrible, especially in one scene. The fighting and action scenes (actually the reason I watched this movie) were slow and unengaging, and the (terrible) CGI was un-necassarily added and only served to degrade them further.

Nothing that happens can save this film from being one of the poorest decisions I have ever made. Action fans will be disappointed at the sheer awfulness of this movie. Vampire fans will be disappointed at the actors chosen to be the neck-biters. This film promises so much but delivers NOTHING! Just steer clear my friends. Well clear.

I am genuinely astounded at how bad this film is: The script, if you can call it that, is just awful.

The furniture in my house would have been more convincing than the 'actors' in this film; I honestly have seen better acting at a pre-school nativity play! The (not so) special effects would have been more convincing if they had drawn on the actors with a crayon.

The fight scenes are just plain dull, which is a shame as it looks to have some fairly talented martial artists in the cast.

Len Kabasinski needs to understand the concept of "take two" I have thought long and hard to try and find at least one redeeming quality of this film and the best that I can come up with is that it makes the work of Uwe Boll look good...

If only there was a mark lower that 1 star I could award. Just please don't waste your time or money on this film, you have been warned.

OK, I try to see artistic merit in the films I see, but I'm just not seeing it here. I mean, really?!?!? I usually prefer to have crackers with this much cheese.

The "fight" scenes were just, well, awful. I freely admit, I am not into the whole martial arts and vampires thing, but I do enjoy a good movie, providing its good. I understand that this is, primarily, a "booby and blood" film, but even that was left wanting at best. Poorly written, poorly filmed, poorly acted, and a cast of ugly, ugly people.

If you are really just hard up for some back ground noise, and have nothing better to do, I suggest you stick a roll of quarters in a blender for 96 minutes. It will still be less painful than sitting through this disaster of a "movie".

If I had paid more than $.99 for this movie out of the bargain bin at (i wont name the retailer, i am sure they would be ashamed) I would be beyond mad. As it stands, could someone PLEASE tell the producers of this movie I would like the 96 minutes of my life back that I wasted on this abomination.

On the upside, if you take a DVD, drill a hole in the edge, and suspend it over your garden, it helps keep the birds away.

With this said, I bid you all, good day!!