Van Helsing de Bram Stoker

Oh boy, here we go again.

A very poorly made film of a classic story that does not really need to be retold.

Poor acting and poor cast of said bad acting leave your stomach churning and wanting to press the stop button on this film at almost every point in the movie.

Save yourself the headache and discontent. Pass this movie over twice if you have to.

The guy must be turning in his grave.

This story has been told so many times, I do not see the point of yet another version. Why waste time and money with with amateur actors, poor production and minimal budget to make an amateurish version of Dracula?

There must other stories to be told... But, it seems, people have definitely run out of ideas. Because, all they can do is to do the same thing again and again again....

What next? A film combining zombies, vampires and werewolves and mummies?

Apologies for being harsh but there's one sin of sins in my book when it comes to movies, and that's being dull.

I watched grass grow for half an hour once, and compared with this movie, it was an absolutely riveting, tension-filled thrill ride.

The actors all feel as though they're waiting for their cues and then, when given them by some poor desperate movie equivalent of a stage prompter, they seem reluctant to deliver any lines in a way that would catch the audience's attention. It's the verbal equivalent of camouflage - it just disappears into the background noise.

Don't get me wrong - if I had to deliver that supremely wooden dialogue, I would be reluctant too. But please, won't someone think of the audience! Just a little zest would have gone a long way.

It also claims to be from Van Helsing's POV which is a weeeee bit inaccurate, since Van Helsing plays a fairly limited role and disappears frequently, without any narration of the story from his supposed POV.

In fact, most of the first half of the movie is Lucy lying around moaning like she's having the time of her life with her best buddy Buzz under the sheets. Albeit somewhat unenthusiastically.

I have to admit, I nodded off at one point somewhere after the 50 minute mark - probably my brain trying to protect itself from a boredom-induced coma. But then I woke for the last 10 minutes, which included the most abrupt and boring ending... which was not really a surprise, come to think of it.

Rating - 2/10: would not recommend even as a sedative, since the potential for lasting boredom-induced brain damage is far too high.

While I could slam the acting and directing, that's obvious and appalling. But what I feel deserves some special hate is the utter contempt for Bram stoker's novel that seems to ooze from this rubbish that would be an insult to student films. From small changes like making Van Helsing english again rather than being dutch like in the book or who owns the manner the film takes place at to large things like Lucy's destruction, the removal of Quincy Morris completely. The kind caring Van Helsing that would bend over backwards for his friends of the book is replaced with a poorly acting twitchy weirdo who jumps at the idea that it's vampires literal seconds after meeting Lucy. Lucy is made a selfish social climber who chose to marry Arthur for his money while trying to jump Seward's bones. Arthur a man of caring and compassion who was a good man thrown into a horrible circumstance with the loss of both his father and fiancée in the same week is now replaced with a raging unlikeable piece of human garbage who hates Van Helsing before even meeting him. The fact they had the gall to drag Bram Stoker's name into this dung heap is applying given it seems to have nothing but contempt for it's source material.

While it is only an hour an twentyish minutes it ill feel like an eternity. Do yourself a favor and avoid this dreck. It's not worth your time if your a vampire fan, a fan of Bram Stoker, a fan of horror or just of movies. It fails on every front. Spare yourself the boredom and annoyance.

Well, while the 2021 movie "Bram Stoker's Van Helsing" from writer and director Steve Lawson wasn't as bad as I had believed and feared it to be, then it should be said that the movie does suffer from it being a story that has been told so many times before that it is starting to lose its appeal in a new presentation.

"Bram Stoker's Van Helsing" provided me with somewhat adequate entertainment. Sure, the storyline is one that is rather familiar to me already, but it should be said that the atmosphere of the movie and the acting in the movie actually helped make it watchable.

Now, this 2021 movie "Bram Stoker's Van Helsing" is by no means revolutionary, nor is it a movie that was particularly necessary, as the story of "Dracula" has been told many times before. But "Bram Stoker's Van Helsing" takes the story and presents it from Abraham Van Helsing's point of view, and thus effectively putting Dracula out of the equation, for better or worse.

"Bram Stoker's Van Helsing" suffers from its pacing. The storytelling is somewhat monotonous and tedious at times, which makes for a somewhat prolonged viewing experience. And that is the main reason why my rating of "Bram Stoker's Van Helsing" fell below average.

While watchable, "Bram Stoker's Van Helsing" is hardly an outstanding movie, nor is it a movie that you'll watch more than once. Now, it wasn't a bad or poor movie, but it just didn't have enough punch to turn it into a remarkable movie experience.

My rating of "Bram Stoker's Van Helsing" lands on a four out of ten stars.