Terror no Deserto

Basic premise is something we've seen countless times. Secret military base with monsters. Bunch of soldiers fighting for their lives. Same old, same old.

Nothing really new here. Pretty much by the numbers.

The special effects are just as average as everything else. Nothing too special. Not terrible, just your usual rubber suits and squibs.

The acting is... alright. The characters are all very one note. Everyone has their role, the muscle, the ass, the doc, the heart, etc... again, all as expected. The acting is serviceable.

The writing... meh. Tons of stupid decisions being made. Lots of nonsensical stuff and contradictions. The monsters are both nigh invulnerable and able to be knocked out by a punch. They can take countless rounds from high powered rifles, but a hammer to the head takes them out.

There's also a lot of magically teleporting moments. Like when a monster is there to grab someone when they weren't there a second ago. Or how there's a ton of them everywhere, then suddenly the place is empty, then it's full again when they need more action. Just very badly directed.

If you turn your brain off, it makes an adequate action flick to waste time with. But not really worth bothering with if you're looking for something beyond made for TV trash.

Those were some of the worst accents I've ever heard across the board and they were so distracting that I have no idea if the movie was any good.

The script seemed choppy and unconvincing but I'm not entirely sure if it was actually bad or if I just couldn't get past the atrocious accents.

The story was slow and dragged it'd feet, the monsters felt repetitive, the entire premise felt forced and had no natural flow to it.

But seriously, in case I haven't hit this point enough, couldn't they cast people with authentic accents if they were unable to find anyone able to convincingly deliver on them?

The movie opens with RAF pilot Kate Sinclair and her nameless WSO being shot down over Afghanistan somewhere. They are attacked by the Taliban (maybe). Her WSO is killed and she is forced to take refuge in a Soviet bunker that looks a lot like a buried cargo container. Once inside, she finds the plot of the movie.

This is a solidly middle of the road action horror movie. The creature costumes are pretty good for a low budget movie but the CGI blood is pretty bad. I will have to say that Jaimie Barber did a good job since I didn't even recognize him until about an hour into the movie. The rest is the cast is mostly pretty decent. The main exception is the female lead. She's very pretty but not much of an actor. I didn't believe for a second that she was an RAF pilot or even British for that matter. The action scenes are pretty well done and entertaining. The plot is mostly a pile of various tropes cliches but it's serviceable.

If you want an action horror movie where the characters fight monsters, this one is perfectly okay. It's not great but I have seen far worse.

Unfortunately, the saddening downhill slope of Neil Marshall, author of such cool flicks as The Descent, Dog Soldiers and Centurion, continues, with the last three being lackluster Hellboy remake (5/10), disappointing historical horror The Reckoning (5/10) and now this, a flat, murky B creature feature with more cliché's than one can count.

. The set-up, story and conclusion, or pretty much everything, is by-the-numbers, run-down-the-mill B actioneer that also can't decide if it wants to be a horror movie or action comedy. We have an army base, a secret soviet (not nazi?!) bunker, cardboard soldiers throwing an overwhelming amount of weak one-liners, and a depthless, tired protagonist, and, of course, some monsters craving a fight with humans. About the only really decent factor of "The Lair" are the special effects, although used in abundance and leaving a taste for more. Acting wise I can only commend Hadi Khanjanpour, the Afghan prisoner on the road to being a badass, and having the only character with any sort of arc. Rest of the cast are having a lazy sunday stroll. There's a grain of an interesting horror movie idea in "The Lair", but it's all lost in a weak script and flat direction. "The Lair" gets dull and mindless already 10 minutes into it, and struggles to build any tension during the next 80, and whatever tension there might've been, is destroyed by frequent tiresome comedy.

. There really isn't much to say about this forgettable suBpar action horror film, the most fun you'll have is if you crack t least a couple beers and have some company, other than that, pass on this one, even if you love creature features. My rating: 4/10.

The trailer was really misleading b/c a lot of the scenes went by too quickly. But when you actually watch this film, you realize it is really a low budget film. And that is a shame because it could've been a great blockbuster.

The story is pretty average and predictable, but that's alright as these type of films we're looking for action and scare. The lack of budget made it look a bit cheese feel which really ruined it right from the start. However, again if they could do it well in the trailer, I still think much of this is through the camera work.

What am I talking about? In some scenes of the monster close up, you can tell they spent a lot of money on the CGI and effects to make it look real, these are in the trailer. However, many scenes of the monster from afar, which are mostly action scenes, you can totally tell it is some guy in a cheap rubber suit. Yeah... it's that bad.

A lot of the explosion effects were really good, which again makes me wonder perhaps they spent the money in the wrong area of the film. Overall a good one time watch with friends but treat it like any other cheesy low budget B movie and you'll get a night of fun with your friends. Keep your expectations low.

5/10.