Argylle: O Superespião

Argylle is a disappointingly generic offering from Matthew Vaughn which does nothing to raise him out of the current slump he's in. Because up until now he's always been a master at taking familiar plot structures and using them to make a subversive take on tried and tested story tropes. He did this for superheroes in Kick Ass and for the spy genre in the first Kingsman movie. Argylle on the other hand barely has a single original idea in its entire runtime so it just doesn't feel like it's doing anything of substance with this fairly familiar story. It's not only totally uninspired as a viewing experience but also a pretty boring one at that.

I don't know what happened to the Matthew Vaughn of old who used to be so good at telling concise, focused stories because this yet another film of his that felt massively overindulgent. Though that may be to light a word to describe just how poorly paced this movie is because almost every single scene in this thing overstays it's welcome. No matter how many great action scenes and funny moments there were, when you drag these moments on for too long they lose almost all of their effectiveness. The totally bog standard story doesn't do anything to justify the runtime it's given and Matthew Vaughan's serious lack of restraint in editing robs the entire film of any pace or urgency.

I wouldn't really say I was that impressed in the writing or visual departments. It's a pretty bland looking movie overall with some impressive action but a massive overuse of CGI that frequently took me out of the film. There are many reasons my the 3rd act basically collapsed in on itself for me but the horrendous effects were a large part of it. It feels like ever since the first Kingsman, Vaughn has been trying to top the, now iconic, church fight scene to no avail. The last act dials of the insanity up to ridiculous levels and in no good way. Vaughn just throws a series of ludicrous, over-the-top action sequences in our face back-to-back and not only do they fall totally flat, they actually made me cringe.

But like any film other film, Argylle lives and dies by it's script and quite frankly it's terrible. There's barely a single original idea in this entire film and the whole spy-story-within-a-spy-story gimmick was interesting to begin with but it wore out it's welcome pretty quickly for me. The whole plot revolves around a standard McGuffin chase, a shadowy rogue spy organisation and hints of an amnesia plot. We've seen all this 100 times before and it's not used in a way that feels cheekily referential but just frustratingly lazy. I had very little investment in the Cavill sequences since they're established as fictional from almost the very start but I also didn't find Cavill's performance or the character to be that interesting. He's written as such a charisma vacuum and that's not something I'd ever associate Cavill with. It felt like they just kept forcing the Argylle character into the narrative to capitalise on Cavill's star power rather than because the character warranted repeated inclusion. I liked Bryce Dallas Howard and Sam Rockwell as a pair and they did have good chemistry but some of the twists and turns related to their characters I found to be quite ridiculous honestly and it felt like Vaughn was pulling twists out of thin air rather than truly earning them.

I was truly hoping that Argylle would be the return to form for Matthew Vaughn that I've been waiting for but honestly this might just be the worst film he's ever made for me. I liked Golden Circle more than most but it was still a massive step down from the first, The King's Man on the other hand was a totally bland slog that never really justified it's own existence. But neither of those two films matched the level of wasted potential that Argylle exhibited for me. It just feels like Vaughn has totally lost sight of what made him and his films stand out in the first place and this feels like a bare template of a story without anything that makes it feel remotely original or subversive. I know it's only February but 2024 has already presented one of its biggest cinematic disappointments for me.

Argylle is a long, dumb, CGI-riddled mess. In other words, it's the standard modern day Hollywood movie. Some aspects are fun but the whole thing drags on and on until you'll be checking your watch every five minutes in hopes that it will be over soon. There is an abundance of CGI and a lot of it is terrible(especially the cat) and it makes the movie look fake but that's the norm these days. I'm not even sure if they filmed any scenes in London because the exterior shots looked really bad to me. Some of the hand to hand combat is pretty decent but for the most part I didn't care about what was happening at all. Additionally, some of the twists in this worked but overall it just kept doing more and more of them and became a convoluted wreck.

Furthermore, the trailers and posters for this film straight up lie. They have you believe that Henry Cavill will be the star of the movie but he's in this for all of maybe five minutes at most. Those five minutes prove that he would be a great James Bond but I bet that will never happen because why make the correct choice and cast someone that is perfect for a role. Additionally, John Cena is in this for even less time and it makes me wonder why they even bothered casting him as he must've cost them a fair amount of money for what amounts to a cameo. The rest of the cast is fine and I like Sam Rockwell so it's nice to see him in a leading role. On the other hand, the comedy doesn't land at all and no one in my screening was laughing at any of the jokes. I think think the PG-13 rating hurts the movie by making it too tame and making it Rated R would've helped it a bit.. If this thing was made in the 90s it would've been much prettier, shorter, bloodier and most importantly, more fun. Argylle, however is just nonsensical, looks awful and overstays its welcome.

First part, I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. I knew that the movie had gotten some bad reviews, but I had not read any of them. And I found myself thinking "but this is a great, over the top, spy action comedy, what is not to love about that!".

Then midways, something happens, and the movie spirals into all kinds of problems.

Firstly, it drags out for way, way, way too long. From fantastical action and good one liners it turns into a snore fest with redundant, lengthy scenes trying to establish some sense of emotional gravitas. Problem is, BDH has zero range, and became nothing but annoying and downright bad at what she was supposed to after.

Secondly, it bacame clear that it was style over substance. Which I one hundred percent can support, if the style is cool, creative, innovative, fun, esthetically pleasing. It never fully was, and it never really committed, becoming a jigsaw of puzzle pieces forced together that really did not fit.

Thirdly, under utilized actors. Lots of great small roles, none got to shine, and especially SLJ had one of his worst roles for years, mostly reduced to acting like an excited 5 yo in the end.

In the end, the movie was somewhat saved by an always fun and excellent Sam Rockwell. And unfortunately dragged down massively by, I'm sincerely sorry to say, a typically bad BDH. Not often I say this but the casting director really picked the wrong main actress with this one.

Argylle

A very hyped movie from the writer of the Kingsman series, the trailer frequently showed moments of silliness, spy action, Bryce Dallas Howard screaming and a cat that's supposedly awesome or something. At first the movie is cheesy as can be, but it does appear that is intentional. Most of the movie leads the audience to believe it is one thing, when it really is another, being revealed in surprise twists that aren't very surprising.

The ensemble cast does feature some great performances, even though Henry Cavill's hair is absolutely terrible. Dua Lipa's appearance is short, but she does a great job that it made me miss seeing her. Sam Rockwell continues a trend in Hollywood where age can be defied as I forgot he is in his mid 50s following the likes of Tom Cruise and Jason Statham.

The movie is way too long and needed a better editor. I like a fleshed out story as much as the next person, but calm down movie.

Now, on to the fun. This movie makes the word "ridiculous" woefully inadequate. But it's a fun ridiculous. There are so many laugh out loud moments that it makes up for a lot of the flaws. I don't want to spoil the movie, but keep an eye out for the blink and you'll miss it hilarity.

There are themes explored in this film about motivation, and whether the emotions experienced during life's choices, even when told in the format of a spy thriller, would carry over if you got to do it all over again. Personally, I find that theory worth exploring, because I wonder if I'd make the same good or bad decisions if not exposed to certain stimuli or experiences. Nature vs nurture anyone? People admit that they would love to be able to speak to their younger selves to assure them that things would be better eventually, or to avoid pitfalls, but that's not good enough. One never knows if that would make any difference, unless you take away those moments.

I enjoyed the heck out of this movie overall, and recommend it for the silliness alone. Don't take the movie seriously, and I believe you will too. The entire, very long, ending sequence is just crazy with the suspension of disbelief, but embrace it.

Matthew Vaughn is one of my favorite directors. He has three movies that are on my all-time favorites list: Kick-Ass, X-Men: First Class, and Kingsman: The Secret Service. I love his style and consider him a master filmmaker.

His last movie, The King's Man, was terrible. I gave it 2 stars. But no one is perfect and it's easy to forgive one misfire. But with Argylle, we have another severely disappointing entry. It's not nearly as bad as The King's Man, but that might be why it's even more disappointing. It could have been great.

Why doesn't Argylle work? Movies are so complex, it's difficult to answer that question. Here are my guesses. First, the humor and attempts to be quirky feel off. I only laughed once. Second, there are a few cool action scenes, but nothing to write home about.

Third, what idiot decided this should be PG-13? There are so many deaths, but they can't fully show it. So it feels neutered. They do this to sell more tickets, catering to the casuals. But my theater was nearly empty on opening night. So casuals didn't show up and you alienate your true fans. Fourth, for what amounts to a popcorn flick, I was fairly bored and unengaged.

But I think one thing hurt the movie more than anything else. This is a great cast except for one role. The most important one. The main character. I don't dislike Bryce Dallas Howard. But this was a horrendous casting choice. I can list out 30 actresses that would have been better suited for the role. It doesn't seem too bad early on, but the further we get into the story, the worse it gets. It's not even a tiny bit believable.

I still look forward to future Matthew Vaughn projects. But I just found out that his next movie is a sequel to The King's Man. Why????? I can only hope he reevaluates and tries to get back on track.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday UltraScreen 2/1/2024)