New York Ninja is the best worst movie I have ever watched. It even outclasses amusingly dreadful classics such as Samurai Cop, The Room and Titanic II that were among my favourites before experiencing this film. This movie was originally filmed all the way back in 1984 but remained unfinished and unreleased. The material was discovered three and a half decades later and completed with voice actors, electronic soundtrack and new script.
The final result is a hilarious dumpster fire you won't easily forget. The story revolves around an Asian-American sound technician whose pregnant wife gets murdered by a group of street criminals that is kidnapping women for a plutonium-addicted mastermind. The protagonist decides to become a vigilante dressed up as ninja who is accompanied by two overtly enthusiastic work colleagues, weird police officers walking off the beaten path and a poor homeless kid that has become a thief in order to survive.
Everything that could be wrong with a movie is wrong here. It starts right from the start with hilariously bad dialogues that will make your jaws drop right from the opening scene. Some dialogues that are supposed to have depth are delivered quickly, randomly and superficially. Less important dialogues however are emphasized, overacted and repeated.
Up next, the acting performances are absolutely dreadful. The protagonist has no charisma whatsoever and looks like a silly clown wearing cringeworthy costumes instead of a vigilante on a mission. The side characters are portrayed in an annoying way from overtly self-confident gangsters by the numbers over aggressively noisy street kids to theatrically screaming women who talk way too much without saying anything at all. The worst acting performance is however offered by the antagonist with his shameful facial expressions, weird overacting and incredibly stupid vocal deliveries.
The settings are as ugly as the rest of the movie. The film portrays subway stations covered in nasty graffiti, back alleys filled with piles of trash and industrial wastelands. These settings are randomly interwoven with repetitive shots of famous sights such as the World Trade Centre that don't add anything to the story.
The costumes and make-up are absolutely dreadful. The ladies in this film are overstyled in a way that makes them look like members of a circus ensemble. The gangsters in this film wear exaggeratedly colourful costumes that are worse than anything you could see in a rap music video of the eighties. The worst offender is however the ninja costume of the protagonist that looks like a walking mummy clad in toilet paper.
This film attempts to be a martial arts flick but the fight scenes are as wooden as they get. Especially the numerous street gangsters have the swagger of malfunctioning non-player characters in a simplistic video game of the eighties. The misuse of weaponry is also beyond ridiculous and especially the sword fight during what is supposed to be the film's climax makes you think of kindergarten children running around with plastic weapons on Halloween.
It's needless to point out that the story is beyond ridiculous. The villain is addicted to plutonium for reasons that are never explained. He seems to be very influential, powerful and wealthy even though it' impossible to figure out why. The antagonist orders to kidnap specific women for goals that remain mysterious as this character is just having awkward seizures when spending time with the ladies. Those are only the elements that are wrong with the villain's back story but let me tell you that everything else is just as horrible.
You might wonder why such a dreadful movie deserves such a high rating. The explanation is quite obvious. This is easily the most entertaining, hilarious and memorable movie released last year. Right from the opening scene, most viewers will have to laugh so much that they might end up crying. Every new scene, each new setting and every twist in the tale will make a movie that is already dreadful from the start even worse. I have watched this movie at a local cinema and the entire audience was reacting so strongly to this film that it might become a cult classic in the key of The Room that had been shown at the same cinema for more than one hundred weeks in a row before the pandemic ended that memorable run.
My suggestion for you is to watch this film at the cinema with as many friends as possible. Grab as many drinks and snacks as you can to have as much fun as possibe. In difficult times like these, it's great to have this kind of unintentionally hilarious entertainment.
