Murdercise

I thought we stopped making nonsense like this in the eighties.

Murdercise seems to have been made in backlots and unused offices by wannabe porn stars playing dress up and pretend.

Everything, and I do mean everything is awful.

The acting, awful. The direction, awful. The plot, awful. It seems very much like a film made during covid and that is not a compliment.

I usually don't like to give one star ratings to movies anymore because it takes a lot of effort to get an indie film made these days. But in this case, I will make an exception. It has a depressingly cheap and sleazy feel to the whole thing.

Ah, man, the flick they call "Murdercise," it's a wild ride, a real trip, a journey into the heart of hilarity and horror, all wrapped up in one. I found myself caught in the rhythm of it, the beat of the dialogue, the pulse of the laughter. It's a thing of beauty, man, a thing of beauty.

You see, some of those indie horror films out there, they're like a jazz solo gone wrong, all over the place, missing the beat, losing the groove. They try to make up for it with the spectacle of effects, the thrill of the kill, but it's like putting a band-aid on a broken saxophone. It just doesn't sing, man.

But "Murdercise," oh, it sings. It's got that rhythm, that flow, that dialogue that dances and twirls like a couple lost in love on a moonlit night. It's hilarious, man, a real knee-slapper, a belly laugh that comes from deep within the soul.

And the runtime, just under 90 minutes, it's perfect, man, just perfect. It's like a well-crafted poem, not a word wasted, not a moment lost. It moves, it grooves, it never drags, never lags. It's a ride that keeps on rolling, keeps on moving, keeps on grooving.

Kansas Bowling, she's a star, a real shining light. Her character is a laugh, a hoot, a real funny bone tickler. She nails it, man, nails it like a hammer hitting a nail right on the head. It's a performance to remember, a performance to savor.

And Jessa Daisy, oh, she's got a scene, man, a scene that'll make you laugh till you cry, laugh till you're out of breath. She's perfect in it, just perfect. And Drew Mavrick, he's right there with her, laughing and joking and making you laugh right along with him.

"Murdercise," it's a film that's got it all, man. It's got the laughs, it's got the thrills, it's got the chills. It's a wild ride, a wild journey, a wild trip into the heart of what makes us laugh, what makes us feel, what makes us human.

So take the ride, man, take the trip. Dive into the world of "Murdercise" and let it take you away, let it sweep you off your feet, let it make you laugh like you've never laughed before. It's a film to remember, a film to cherish, a film to love. It's "Murdercise," man, and it's a real trip.

Apparently this film is loosely based around and paying homage to those fitness, gym horror/slasher comedy films such as Killer Workout and Death Spa. Given the premise, the story is essentially the same but for the newer generation. Once the story begins we are introduced to the characters and as it plays along, we see how the first kill occurs (the audience knows the killer but the characters are oblivious).

Nothing quite funny in this film but it's enjoyable to a degree. It is of course predictable and does include several mandatory skin scenes. The film goes downhill once the cops arrive at the scene. Trying a little to be funny which falls flat. From there scenes just occur to pass time as the inevitable turn of a full slasher occurs.

Right, well I was lead to believe that I was in for a horror comedy, as I sat down to watch the 2023 movie "Murdercise". Sure, I had never heard about the movie prior to sitting down to watch it, so I didn't really know what I was getting into.

Turns out that writer Paul Ragsdale managed to come up with a complete dumpster fire of a movie. The storyline and script was so laughably bad that it was simply astounding. I will actually go as far as saying that the storyline in "Murdercise" is one of the dumbest I have sat through in a long, long time. It was supposed to be an homage to the campy and cheesy 1980s horror movies. But "Murdercise" never stood a chance. The narrative was rubbish and there was just nothing appealing or interesting about the ordeal.

I managed to suffer through a staggering 25 minutes of absolute rubbish and boredom in some of its purest form. Then I just couldn't take anymore of it, and turns off the movie. And trust me, this is not a movie that I will ever return to attempt finish watching. There literally was nothing worthwhile about this ordeal.

The acting performances in "Murdercise" were insanely amateurish, wooden, rigid and just awkwardly embarrassing to witness. Needless to say that there weren't anyone even remotely famous on the cast list. And with good reason, I might add. The majority of the women were cast for the movie for one reason, and it takes very little effort to figure out what that reason was.

"Murdercise" looked and felt like a homemade high school project of making a horror comedy. Well, except that the movie was lacking those two key elements; horror and comedy.

Do yourself a favor and stay well clear of directors Angelica De Alba and Paul Ragsdale's 2023 movie "Murdercise", it just simply isn't worth the time, money or effort.

My rating of "Murdercise" lands on a one out of ten stars.

No date is given but the setting is obviously the wonderful 1980's. Within the first minute or so a busty babe has stripped off and is taking a shower, a few seconds later and she is murdered. The main plot has a group of attractive young women shooting a fitness video in a studio (on tape, naturally), our main girl Phoebe is all innocent but sleazy director Gino and his cameraman want more sex than exercise. "All those girls out there are strippers, perverts and communists!" exclaims Phoebe before she loses the plot and turns into a killer. But she's not alone, oh no - for good measure a pair of fake cops with a taste for sex and murder are thrown into the mix for (very) good measure. The slasher movie "Killer Workout" aka "Aerobicide" (1987) springs to mind. Murdercide, with its blue/purple lighting, mist machine, Walkman, sweatbands and VHS tapes etc is a very good homage to the 1980's. The budget was obviously low, some of the acting is "bad" but I'm sure that was intentional and some of the kills are pretty gory. The best one has a man have his head chainsawed in half. I went into this not expecting much but I'm pleased to say that I enjoyed it, pretty good fun and a movie that I'd probably want to watch again. Catchy soundtrack too.