The Guest House

I wish I'd read some of these reviews before watching this very frustrating movie. The acting was wooden, the script/plot toe-curlingly poor. I've seen better acting in porn films. This travesty of a film would have redeemed itself if there had been some real sex and straight forward nudity. I can only imagine that, by not showing all, the director thought it was elevating the film to that of a proper romance, but he would have needed a decent plot and some proper acting to do that. They should've gone all out for a proper X-rated full-frontal romp and then it would have at least had something to redeem itself with, because I should imagine that most people coming to this film would be wanting to see that.

Well, there's 90 minutes I can't get back and I'm blaming IMDB. Why, you ask? Because after I watched the Pauly Shore/Aimee Teegarden Guest House (2020), the suggestions that came up here included the earlier version. So I found it watched it...and really wish I hadn't.

The story might have been okay, had it been properly shot. This film looked like someone with a very unsteady hand had been thrown a camcorder for the duration and asked to make this movie. And not even an expensive camcorder, either. Just your standard run-of-the-mill one.

Anyway, older girl and younger girl fall in love over the weekend. Both have baggage and there's a bit of a plot twist late that - no spoilers here - I kinda figured out twenty minutes in. If you're looking for lots of white-hot girl on girl action, keep going. What there is of that is pretty concealed.

Oh, but there is a gorgeous sunset scene on the Santa Monica Pier ferris wheel. That's about the best this film has to offer.

No, seriously, it doesn't have to be as bad as many reviewers claim. It just needs a couple of things. First, it needs a sequel. And here's my idea. The two girls decide to get married, and, in a unique twist, they ask dad to be both the best man and give the bride away. But it's not a traditional wedding. They fly to Jamaica and have a nude wedding at Hedonism III.

The other thing the sequel would need is a new production company. And who better to pull off such a sequel a dozen years after the initial release, but to have The Asylum step in and save the day. Just think about it, Asylum could factor in sharks try to disrupt the service. Dad could step up and save the soon to be brides from a threatening Sharknado. Then they could franchise the movie as the happy couple takes on the world. Dad is now their manservant, and he's continually finding ways to keep the brides safe from the ever-present danger of sharks, even as they relocate to rural North Dakota where there's an emerging emo music scene. I have full faith that The Asylum can pull it off and turn an erstwhile one-off dud into a franchise dud.

There is a lot that actually makes the film feel like something on late-night premium cable that has been just edited enough, if you know what I mean. That said, the editing does keep it from feeling overly salacious and appealing to the lowest common denominator. The overall production does scream cheap, with the majority of the film either being limited to two people in a room, or clearly being shot "guerilla style" to save money. There are a few narrative points that with some very minor changes could have made the overall story of the two leads' "self-discovery" much more believable. And the two main male characters are so poorly acted, that it is beyond simply being laughable. "Porn acting" would actually be a compliment to these guys. All that said, the two female leads really do bring the film WAY UP; they are clearly comfortable with each other, and when they are talking to each other, it's very clear that they are developing at the very least a deep friendship. And their romantic chemistry is there, both physically and emotionally. By the end of the film, it really does feel like they've been on a real (though fast) journey. And it is those two actresses (Ruth Reynolds and Madeline Merritt) that do elevate this film beyond being cheap and schlocky.

This movie is HORRIBLE. The acting was so bad. If I could give it negative stars I would. I was pretty excited about the plot at first. I love movies about forbidden love. I was extremely let down. The love scenes were so awkward and totally fake. I know it's all acting but come on at least try to seem interested. I've seen elementary school plays with better acting. I'm so glad I watched it on Netflix. If I spent any sort of money on this movie alone I would have been upset. Don't waste your time! Watching paint dry would be a better use of time than watching this movie. The only character I liked was the boyfriend in the beginning. He was actually really funny. He wasn't supposed to be funny though so he did a terrible job acting as well. I don't know how (or why) but I managed to sit through the entire thing. I guess I was hoping it would get better? It didn't.