The Royal Bodyguard

The guys behind this dog's dinner also created The Worst Week of my Life, which was absolutely brilliant. Well written, well acted and very, very funny.

How then is it possible for them to come up with this absolute mess? The Royal Bodyguard is so bad that it defies description. Remembering David Jason's excellent performances in Open all Hours, The Darling Buds of May, Only Fools and Horses and A Touch of Frost, just to name a few, this is totally inexplicable. Why did he say yes to this? He must have made a quid or two over the years, enough to be able to turn down such a stinker.

Avoid this like the plague!

David Jason has been given an impossible task in trying to make this rubbish work. His role has no character and the scenes are frankly shallow and totally unbelievable. Couple this with baddies that make the acting in ello ello look Shakespearian and you get the idea. It's a farce without any humour, subtlety or drama. I found this program to be cringeworthy and there is no way David Jason should have taken the role.

David Jason is a hugely talented comic actor. Why, then, are the BBC demeaning him by giving him such a catastrophically idiotic, derivative and mirth-free script as "The Royal Bodyguard"? And who on earth gave this pathetic dross the go-ahead? This is real car-crash television: you can see the 'jokes' coming light years away. Throughout a conversation with a pianist at a grand piano, we all know David Jason's character will somehow mistakenly knock the piano cover closed. The lead-up to this century-old comedy non-starter is excruciating, though when it finally happens, it's still amazing just how limp the payoff is.

Other 'highlights': he tries to eat a lobster but doesn't know how! He tries to attack a suit of armour!! He falls into some water!!! Ahahahaha haha hahahahaha!!!!! I could understand better if this mess was a one-off special for Boxing Day, when people are generally too drunk to get up and turn the telly off - but there's a whole series of "The Royal Bodyguard" on its way.... good grief! In conclusion: unbelievably pathetic, and a hugely embarrassing failure. If a 6-year-old had written this script for a school project, it would be returned with a red line through it. An insult to the abilities of David Jason and an insult to the viewer.

Guy Hubble saves the Queen from a runaway carriage, a faux Pas of his own making, promoted to Royal Bodyguard, he's less than competent.

When this first aired, I switched it off after ten minutes or so, having a weekend in bed unwell, I figured it was time to give it another try, and form a balanced opinion.

I can spot a comedy from Bussell and Sbresni a mile off, sometimes they nail it, sometimes they get it horribly wrong, this sadly is the latter.

I watched every episode, and must confess my laughter equipment had less than half a workout, painfully unfunny jokes, some wooden acting, and poor Sir David Jason looking like he was set adrift in the middle of the Pacific Ocean in just a rowing boat.

Positives, Geoffrey Whitehead, he's the one shining light, when he's given half decent lines, he delivers with his usual brand of caustic, sarcastic wit. I have to admit to rather enjoying the fifth episode, where Guy goes undercover at Number ten, totally over the top and silly, but it broke the mould of every other formulaic episode, and Jason seemed to have fun as Sandra.

It's unsurprising that it was axed after just a single series, it really didn't work, I am surprised it made it to BBC 1.

4/10.

I sat through two episodes of this as I though maybe I was being unfair by loathing it after just ten minutes, but I wasn't. And I also think I am being generous giving it one star as this is beyond awful it has got to be the worst thing I have ever seen passed off as comedy in all my 50 plus years. It's dreadfully trite, screamingly unfunny and so badly written it's embarrassing. How on earth David Jason was persuaded to put his name and prodigious comedy acting talent to this heap of nonsense is beyond me. If anyone from the BBC is reading this, get it off and don't make any more please. And if you are planning to watch it for the first time, don't bother, visit your dentist or clean the drains instead, it'll be more fun.