Terror Train

I watched the entire movie and felt compelled to write a review, so there, you have that.

My expectations were low, but I actually enjoyed a lot of this movie. It was pretty predictable. Even without seeing the original, it was pretty obvious who the killer was from the start despite trying to throw a string of red herrings at the viewer.

It was mostly well-acted with a few flat performances, but nothing terrible. The kills were mainly off camera but the gore was pretty good when we got to see it.

This movie was mostly a money grab, I think. It didn't seem to have the love for the genre that a lot of the low budget horror movies have, but like I said, it was still entertaining.

The original is a pretty standard slasher beyond its gimmick and predictable villain. I always thought the magic thing was weird. At least they got David Copperfield.

This is one is basically the same. The first 90% is one for one. The only difference is the final twist which you can figure out because they stole it from another classic slasher movie.

They just added the most blatant, cheap modernizations possible: a more diverse cast, social media, selfies, dropping trendy terms like "polyamorous", "snowflake", "canceled" etc...

The "Boy Who Cried Wolf" thing doesn't work after the 5th time.

Terror Train is a serviceable remake of the original 1980 slasher. It pretty much follows the original beat for beat with a slight sting in the end.

Like the 1980 version, the movie is full of red herrings and only 5 or 6 people really matter despite being on a crowded party train. Robyn Alomar does well in the lead role and makes for a decent final girl.

I was expecting to hate Terror Train but i found it surprisingly less annoying than i thought i would. There are some bad cringe moments but it manages to keep it to a minimum. It was nice to see some of the costumes from the original make an appearance here as well.

Like i said, serviceable.

A killer crashes a wild college Halloween party on board a moving steam train in order to exact revenge for a cruel fraternity prank three years earlier.

Even Jamie Lee Curtis couldn't save the original Terror Train (1980) from mediocrity; this remake lacks any such star power, and since it follows the original's slasher-by-numbers plot fairly closely, it never builds up a head of steam.

More elaborate deaths and more gore might have helped, but there is a lack of originality in virtually every department, making this an instantly forgettable slasher dud. And if you can't guess the identity of the killer and their (loco)motive fairly quickly then you really need to watch more horror movies (Friday the 13th, for example).

3/10.

Terror Train (2022) is a near replica of the 1980 version, sans the original ending which still ended up being obvious anyway.

The main problem with Terror Train (2022) is there was no point in remaking the original with a less attractive and more lame cast, paired with a smaller budget. I'm guessing most of the budget went toward renting costumes and filming a rail yard, no money left for hot bimbos. The premise of a slasher on a party train has so much creative potential, yet it all goes to waste here. A looser "remake" with a sexier cast, and more competent director that better understands the art of suspense and fun that goes with a slasher movie meant this could have been good. But really what do you expect these days? If you're the mood, just re-watch the original.

On a side note, special shoutout to Tubi which has low key become the best streaming service available. While it's main appeal is it's massive library of older movies, at least their originals tend to be minor and on the side of trashy low budget entertainment like a Terror Train remake. Still better than the garbage that other streaming services offer.