Bikini Hackers

First, let's address what this really is. This is in no way a movie as we know it. This 1 hr long pile of garbage is made up of approximately 75 % stock footage of Hacking, buildings, traffic, nightclubs, beaches etc and 25 % of poorly shot original footage graded by someone who had never worked on video footage before.

Now, about the "film" itself. It's supposed to be a comedy.... I guess? It's painfully unfunny and unentertaining. The so-called bikini hackers for the most part look terrible in their bikinis. The lead one is nearly unintelligible as she struggles through her lines. In fact, the movie is so amateurish that in many instances, the same lines are repeated in different camera angles due to poor editing!

Avoid.

Given the movie's cover and the title, then I have to admit that I wasn't exactly harboring the highest of hopes or expectations to writer and director Scott Hillman's 2023 comedy "Bikini Hackers". However, with this being a movie I hadn't already seen, nor even heard about prior to watching it, of course I opted to give the movie the benefit of the doubt.

I checked out the movie on IMDb prior to watching it, which is something I usually rarely do. And seeing that the movie had a staggering 1.6 rating, I must admit that my expectations and hopes for the movie went from slim to none.

And the movie's low rating is with good cause. Because "Bikini Hackers" is a horrible movie. I am all with the low rating reviewers on this one. The storyline in "Bikini Hackers", as written by Scott Hillman, was just pure rubbish. It felt like something that was concocted by a bored high school kid doodling in some class at the end of a long and boring school day. Fully and wholly ridiculous concept and idea for a storyline, and it just made for zero entertainment value.

The fact that the acting performances in the movie were as wooden and rigid as oak didn't exactly help to win me over either. I wasn't familiar with a single actress or actor on the cast list, and that is usually something I enjoy when I sit down and watch a movie. But the level of acting skill, or rather the lack thereof, seen in "Bikini Hackers" was just draining away the will to sit through and endure 66 minutes of this ordeal. And believe me, those 66 minutes might seem like a drop of water on paper, but on the screen it felt like an eternity.

Do yourself a favor and stay well clear of writer and director Scott Hillman's "Bikini Hackers" movie, because it is exactly as bad as the low rating indicates. Some of us suffered through this ordeal so you don't have to.

My rating of "Bikini Hackers" lands on a one out of ten stars. It is definitely a contender for most laughably bad movies I have stumbled upon in a long, long time.

I really don't mind the laughingly bad movies with lack of logic in the script, cheap special effects, inexperienced actors and unnatural freaks, like Sharknado and the likes. And unprovoked exposure of skin is also quite acceptable.

That said, this takes the concept to a new level of rubbish. Hackers not interested in hacking, the totally absurde lack of clothing, the high pitched voice of the main actor causing head aches and also the script that had less depth than an 8 page kids cartoon.

Do save yourself the time and avoid this one at all cost. It's too bad to even be so bad it's entertaining.

"Bikini Hackers" is a cringe-worthy attempt at blending the hacker genre with cyberpunk aesthetics. The film falls flat in almost every aspect, leaving the audience with an overwhelming sense of disappointment.

Right from the start, it becomes evident that the characters lack depth and authenticity. The female hackers are reduced to one-dimensional caricatures, sporting oversexualized outfits that objectify them rather than empowering them. It's clear that the filmmakers were more focused on titillating the audience than creating meaningful and relatable characters.

The world-building is a complete mess, with the cyberpunk universe feeling like a cheap imitation of other, better-established works. The neon-drenched cityscapes are poorly executed, and the CGI looks like it belongs in a low-budget video game from a decade ago.

The film's attempt at social commentary on gender roles is cringeworthy and misguided. Instead of subverting stereotypes, "Bikini Hackers" reinforces them, perpetuating harmful clichés about women in tech. It's nothing more than a shallow attempt at virtue signaling without any real substance or genuine empowerment.

The plot is a jumbled mess, filled with plot holes and inconsistencies that leave the audience scratching their heads. It's clear that the filmmakers cared more about style over substance, resulting in a convoluted and predictable storyline.

The action sequences are poorly choreographed, lacking any real excitement or tension. The hacking scenes are laughably unrealistic, with the characters typing away on flashy keyboards while nonsensical computer jargon fills the screen.

The soundtrack is forgettable, failing to add any depth or emotion to the scenes. Instead, it comes across as a generic mishmash of electronic beats that does nothing to enhance the viewing experience.

"Bikini Hackers" is an unfortunate mess of a film that fails to deliver on its promises. It lacks any originality, relying on tired tropes and cheap thrills to keep the audience engaged. Save your time and money, and steer clear of this cringe-inducing disaster.

This film begins with a young woman by the name of "Sarah Lanchaster" (Caroline Elise) going out to a nightclub and then having drinks with a blonde over at the bar. The next morning, she wakes up in a strange bed and upon venturing into the back yard, finds that same blonde swimming in the pool. After a quick breakfast, she is then introduced to the blonde's roommates and told that they have formed a group which is intent upon hacking into a large financial organization known as OPSEC for the purpose of dispersing trillions of dollars from their computer system to the general population. Although Sarah is initially reluctant to join the group, she eventually relents and soon finds herself inside OPSEC with instructions to place a flash drive into one of the computers there which will create all kinds of financial chaos within that financial institution. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this is easily one of the worst films I have ever seen with a shallow plot, bad acting, a poorly written script and a host of other issues commonly seen with low budget productions in general. Admittedly, Caroline Elise looked nice in her leopard print bikini, but other than that there was nothing here that was even remotely interesting or enjoyable. In short, this was a bad movie, and I have rated it accordingly.