Lesbian Nanny Tales

Split into two halves, this Girlfriends release is typical of the notable Lesbian Cinema label's recent failures in creating new premises for perhaps fresh series. Unlike the consistent quality of its long runners like "Lesbian Seductions" and "Women Seeking Women" this is a non-starter.

The only thing I admired was the linkage between Vignettes 1 and 2, a device that outshone the very tedious (average length 40-plus minutes) four sex scenes. Intriguing Layla Rose, who stars in #2, pops up suddenly in the kitchen during Part 1 impressively topless, and is then featured out by the pool in the background as we watch Part 1 stars Alyssa Branch and Jodi Taylor hump. Branch is Miss Motor Mouth with non- stop boring improv chatter, when in this tired video only the sex matters. But the juxtaposition of Rose in soft-core mode to the XXX shenanigans of Branch & Jodi worked quite well.

As an actress Rose proved to be untalented in the following scene, where she reprimands striking (but even less talented an actress) babysitter Scarlet Banks after finding Banks and her husband nude (not shown -the audience arrives late). Scene opens with Rose throwing her husband out of the house: we never see him, only hear his voice, presumably played by Girlfriends honcho Dan O'Connell or some crew member. The reprimand turns instantly to seduction in very poor fashion, with both Banks and Rose merely moaning for the next 40 minutes of so of Sapphic but mechanical sex.

Second half of the film has a different cast, with only minor relationship to the "nanny" premise. One of my least favorite performers (and porn crew flunky) Ralph Long appears uncredited as Mr. Long, an employer who gives instructions to nanny Asphyxia Noir regarding a sick child, which she immediately ignores, as only sex is on her mind. Noir, a bit too on-the-money casting as a punkster, invites over gal pal Andy San Dimas, with latter (sporting an unattractive fake red hairdo) at first turning into a Peeping Thomasina to watch Noir masturbating, perched outside the bedroom window, later to enter and deliver the lesbian scene.

Similarly typecast is Aiden Starr, running through her very boring (and overly familiar) monotone barking orders routine, as she gives alcoholic charge Staci Silverstone a hard time. Insisting that lazybones Staci get ready for her AA meeting, she catches the girl in the bathtub (no water) making out with bad influence Asphyxia Noir, the linkage between these two vignettes. Noir is thrown out of the house, and then Starr predictably goes into her time-tested punishment mode, mixing BDSM lite with lesbian sex for drunken Staci. Starr fans have seen it all before, a hundred times, and far better executed in Aiden's specialty videos (e.g., "Breaking Berlin" costarring the great Mz. Berlin).