O Jardineiro e a Lista da Morte

Watched about half of this move and then walked, so maybe during the second half it completely turned around, but I don't think so. And my expectations weren't that high: I was expecting just another typical JCVD movie, but was disappointed badly. Even for a JCVD vehicle the characters were caricatures, and in case of Micheal Youn's character, simply annoying. The acting is flat, the lines delivered like they were red from a teleprompter.

It's trying very hard to be an action comedy and it is failing miserably. The level of comedy would maybe mildly amuse my 5 year old niece at some points, but even that is a maybe. If you want French comedy try a Louis de Funes movie, if you want action watch an older JCVD movie, but this one is best skipped.

In short: it is a waste of time.

Why are people giving money to the director David Charhon? Are they suffering from dementia? Have they seen his filmography? This man can't write, can't direct actors or crew, and can't edit. The Gardener manages to be worse than The Last Mercenary (which is already horrible), so congratulations! The cast? A botoxed K1 fighter, three terrible influencers, a rapper... There are fewer real actors in this film than influencers. Isn't that a problem? The direction of these people: zero. Van Damme looks like he's in distress every time he opens his mouth. Either he's unmanageable (in which case, just leave him alone), or someone didn't know how to direct him. Let's stop the carnage. Let's stop funding David Charhon.

Beware folks, beware, this film is a total waste, a comedy, nothing else, not a gritty, bloody, brutal action thriller as you could expect. And the worst of the worst, the most unbearable, the most awful, gruesome element of the whole, is the presence of the horrible, slap head Michael Youn. Each time I tried to watch a movie with the slap head Michael Youn, I left after a few minutes. So, if you did not know the Slap Head Michael Youn, first, you missed nothing, and second, you have to prepare yourself, psychologically, I mean. It will be a shock, far more cruel than a Chinese torture, the absolute sadistic refinement that you may imagine. So, if you really have nothing else to do, escape from this crap at all costs; and choose THE BEE KEEPER or UNDER SIEGE - the Cook - instead THE GARDENER. JCVD is not a deception, he is just himself. No comment. He is not a slap head, he gives slaps....

STAR RATING: ***** Brilliant **** Very Good *** Okay ** Poor * Awful

Serge Shuster (Michael Youn) is a scatty-minded government minister, who finds himself on a government hit list, after a series of other officials are wiped out in quick succession. When a group of trained assassins invade his home, he is forced to defend himself and his family, with the help of Leo (Jean Claude Van Damme), the family gardener with a mysterious past, and a set of killing skills that come in handy.

In the words of the original martial arts action star Bruce Lee "it's better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war." That philosophy is put to the test by fellow, 65 year old martial arts star Jean Claude Van Damme, with his role in this peculiar French effort from writer/director David Charhon. Although with that in mind, he's co starring with fellow continental actor Michael Youn, both clearly dubbed, with only a thin line between madcap and methodical.

An action comedy is a concept that still has potential to work in execution, but the inconsistency in tone here is noticeably bouncy and unstable, with the main story and central characters becoming caught in the crossfire of this imbalance. It doesn't help that it outstays its welcome somewhat, overlong and with only a fairly standard action plot to sustain it. Sad truths, given Van Damme, although older now, can still pull off some impressive fight work, and even gets one or two laughs in, and the action in general is still enjoyable, keeping you hooked till the end, surprisingly gory here and there too.

There's some noticeable send ups of various action classics, including The Equalizer, First Blood and such, some of which hit the mark more than others. This ultimately emerges as a bizarre fusion of styles, that is sadly too overstuffed with all of them. ** and a half.

...it turns out the movie is a mess.

It tries to walk that line between comedy and action but the thing is it's never funny - not once. I mean it, it NEVER has a funny moment. And, as far as the action goes it's pretty geriatric and slowpaced. It's hard to write this but - the action is boring.

I gave it a 3/10 because of JCVD but...I mean...that's being generous.

...it turns out the movie is a mess.

It tries to walk that line between comedy and action but the thing is it's never funny - not once. I mean it, it NEVER has a funny moment. And, as far as the action goes it's pretty geriatric and slowpaced. It's hard to write this but - the action is boring.

I gave it a 3/10 because of JCVD but...I mean...that's being generous.

...it turns out the movie is a mess.

It tries to walk that line between comedy and action but the thing is it's never funny - not once. I mean it, it NEVER has a funny moment. And, as far as the action goes it's pretty geriatric and slowpaced. It's hard to write this but - the action is boring.

I gave it a 3/10 because of JCVD but...I mean...that's being generous.