O Jardineiro e a Lista da Morte

Beware folks, beware, this film is a total waste, a comedy, nothing else, not a gritty, bloody, brutal action thriller as you could expect. And the worst of the worst, the most unbearable, the most awful, gruesome element of the whole, is the presence of the horrible, slap head Michael Youn. Each time I tried to watch a movie with the slap head Michael Youn, I left after a few minutes. So, if you did not know the Slap Head Michael Youn, first, you missed nothing, and second, you have to prepare yourself, psychologically, I mean. It will be a shock, far more cruel than a Chinese torture, the absolute sadistic refinement that you may imagine. So, if you really have nothing else to do, escape from this crap at all costs; and choose THE BEE KEEPER or UNDER SIEGE - the Cook - instead THE GARDENER. JCVD is not a deception, he is just himself. No comment. He is not a slap head, he gives slaps....

When reviewing this film, there are two different perspectives. The first is that it brings back memories of '90s action and comedy films, which is a nostalgic experience. The second is that, when viewed from a modern standpoint, it can feel overly cringeworthy and a bit outdated. So rather than focusing on whether it's good or bad, it's more about reliving the feeling of classic action films. While there are plenty of action scenes, Van Damme's moments aren't as thrilling as before. Maybe it's because of his age, but his action sequences often rely on clever camera angles, and in some scenes, the stunt doubles are very noticeable. On the bright side, the film's music score brings back that old-school action vibe, and the cinematography is also a strong point. All in all, this is a light and easy watch, especially for those who miss the action films of the past.

Le jardinier (2025), directed by David Charhon, is a political thriller that follows Serge, a man burdened with a state secret, and his family as they find themselves on a government death list. Along with their gardener Leo, they attempt to devise a plan to survive, all while being hunted by forces beyond their control. While the premise offers a thrilling setup full of tension and intrigue, the film struggles to fully capitalize on its potential.

The performances, while competent, don't fully resonate with the stakes of the story. The cast, including the lead actor, delivers their roles effectively, but the emotional depth required to truly engage the audience is lacking. The characters, particularly Serge, feel one-dimensional, and the relationships between them fail to develop in a way that could heighten the emotional impact of their dangerous situation.

The film's pacing is another issue. The suspense builds at a steady pace, but the plot often feels disjointed, as if key moments are rushed or underexplored. The intrigue of the government conspiracy and the tension of the family's survival are present but fail to fully engage the viewer due to the lack of significant twists or character development. The screenplay, written by Charhon, Vincent De Brus, and Sébastien Fechner, keeps the story moving, but it often relies on genre clichés that diminish the film's originality.

Visually, the film has a polished look, but the cinematography lacks the style and energy needed to elevate the suspense. There are moments of tension, but the film doesn't fully lean into its potential for creating an immersive, high-stakes atmosphere. Instead, the tension often fizzles out before reaching a satisfying climax.

While Le jardinier has a strong premise and offers some moments of excitement, its lack of emotional depth and reliance on predictable thriller tropes make it difficult to fully invest in the characters and their journey. It's a film that could have been far more engaging with stronger character development and a more intricate plot.

Rating: 4/10. A tense thriller with a solid premise, but hindered by underdeveloped characters, pacing issues, and a lack of emotional depth.

JCVD is aging and obviously he can't deliver the action pack movies he once did, but this movie surprised me when it comes to action. There is a fair share and altough some are obviously body doubles well hidden by camera angles and fast cuts (still a lot more bearable than Steven Seagal's last fews), it entertained me well in that departement. The fights are also bloody and violent.

That said, the story and the humor it try to portrait is so ...weird ! French is my first language, but i am from Quebec, so even tough i had no issue understanding everything in the native french language, some of the jokes really didn't land. That said a few did. Got to give credit where credit is due.

I think the major issue is the actor portraying Sergio, the familly dad who is under attack. He is such a caricature i doubt anyone would really behave like this in real life. While a few of his lines or the situations he end up in did land, a lot didn't. And at times i rolled my eyes a bit wanting to yell "Shut the F up !" at him. Maybe it was the goal as it was a bit of an ongoing joke that he talked too much and Van Damme too less.

In conclusion this is basically a french "Die Hard" but almost as a spoof. The story is really just a pitch to have a movie, as the "list" is barely explained beside the minimal stuff to have a movie.

Want to see JCVD as a man in his 70s killing dudes violently with gardener's tools? Then you may enjoy that movie. But if you ain't into the weird French humor you may find the story/characters very unsettling.

Hard to really give a rating to this one. I enjoyed the action, i enjoyed Van Damme, i laugh a few times, but i rolled my eyes a few more. Yeah well 6 out of 10 seem fair.

After Darkness of Men i had very little hope for Van Damme flicks but this one gave me back trust that he can still do entertaining action, even if his age obviously do show.

Was really looking forward to seeing JCVD again, sadly this isn't kickboxer or Universal soldier. It isn't even remotely close.

From the opening scene the bad guys with their balaclavas and Assault rifles, really scary looking apart from the fact they didn't have magazines in.

The guy trying to evade never got above grandad jog speed before meeting his demise.

I lost interest after that. However being a fan of JCVD I continue to watch thinking it's got to get better. Sadly it didn't. It's classed as a comedy but I didn't find any of it funny or amusing.

Now I need to make up the minimum a.....