The Asian Connection

First of all, I turned the film off. I simply could not watch the entire fiasco. The acting was so amateurish that it was laughable. How old was Jack's girlfriend? All of seventeen? Where do they find the actors for these disasters? But to make matters worse, the three minute segments with Steven Seagal who is way too old and out of shape to be in all these action films he so call stars in. I watch these films to see just how much worse they can get. This one certainly met my expectations.

Not so much a review, but a warning to not waste your time! I watch so many movies and TV shows-very addicted-who has time to review them as well? But I have to warn you, fellow 'basers'! I honestly thought "Against the Dark" was the bottom of his 'barrel'. But the man has ?bravely? kept on going. Cameos are one thing and I realize that these movies are going straight to DVD, but where is your pride? Stay in the business producing, directing, whatever, but Steven, please, for we, your loyal fans, get thee behind the camera! You'll be eligible for Social Security next year! From a 56 year old lady who has watched all your films since "Above the Law" in 1988-but I couldn't even wait til Michael Jai White hit the screen in this one!

I really thought that the inclusion of MJW would hopefully lift this slightly higher than expected. Sadly he is unseen but for a fleeting scene in which his role could have been played by any random crackhead.

The whole thing is so poorly acted and scripted not to mention directed that it really comes down to a D grade action flick built around Sensei Seagal playing patty cake in his pj's (yet again) and delivering even worst dialogue than usual. Even giving him the opportunity of playing a bad guy for a change seems too much like hard work for the Sensei who dials in one of the lamest performances from him yet. Maybe his lethargy is a result of being squeezed too tightly into his Spanx.

Perhaps the worst offender in this mess is Director (and I use that term very loosely) Daniel Zirilli. He continues his rise towards mediocrity with another typical example of his very obvious limitations.

Watch only if you absolutely must, but don't say you weren't warned.

Steven Seagal has done some good, or at least watchable, films. Particularly 'Under Siege'. He has also done a lot of mediocre and less films, indicative of laziness and that Seagal was well past his sell by date, and a good deal of them are even very bad.

'The Asian Connection' for me is down there with Seagal's worst. Did not expect much, but watched it because Seagal has shown signs that he can be halfway decent and as said not all his films are bad. Also do appreciate the action genre and there are good films out there in the genre, classics even. 'The Asian Connection' is far from that, more closer to a waste of time that shows little signs of trying.

Seagal, in a role smaller than the advertising lets on, himself gives another lazy and wooden performance that shows that he was not interested and wanted to be somewhere else. His reading-from-an-autocue-like and robotic line delivery in particular betrays that. The rest of the cast are just as poor though in all fairness have little to work with and over-compensate.

The characters are ones we know very little about and don't care what happens to happen, so unengaging and one-dimensional they are. The dialogue is risible, with a lot of cheesiness, awkwardness and far too much talk delivered with little emotion or momentum and bordering on the near-incomprehensible.

Its excessively talky nature affects severely the pacing, which never comes to life. There is no urgency, let alone tension, intrigue or suspense. The action doesn't feature enough in comparison and suffer from pedestrian choreography and laughably bad editing. The story is by-the-numbers, dull and not always easy to follow.

Direction is flat and ill-at ease, while the sound/soundtrack are one-note and obvious as well as poorly recorded and the whole film looks cheap. And it's not just the editing, the slapdash effects and drab photography also. The only okay asset here is the backdrop sadly wasted by the rest of the production values being awful.

Overall, a mess. 1/10 Bethany Cox

This will be a cult classic purely on how bad it actually is.

Some of the worst acting you'll ever see. John Edward Lee; first off, who the hell is he? I've never seen a stiffer, unnatural and generic actor who thinks overacting will hide the fact he cannot act and has no natural bond with any of the other stiff actors. Pim Bubear is so cliche in her role, her lines and her overall performance, it's not worth talking about.

Seagal was just brilliant. Obese, old, slow and stupid, yet has the respect and fear of all those around him. His fight scenes are a thing of beauty, if you ignore that you never see below his shoulders where a fat, bloated body is hardly moving and cannot keep up with basic choreography. His comedic timing was on point where he was able to knock a professional MMA fighter out with a kick with so little power that it wouldn't score a goal from the goal line, and Seagal's physical inability to lift his leg higher than 1" off the ground. Or there was when Seagal flipped a table over in anger using so little power, you could clearly see if was inflated... but that's the joke, right?

If neither of those make you laugh, then the tacky one-liners after an action scene will give you stomach muscles a good workout. "Guess playing all those video games paid off?" "The fish is the most sentient of animals" Or the random droppings of F bombs by Seagal when there was no other swearing in the movie.

I guarentee this will be a cult classic in years to come due to the cliche plot, bad acting and all-round Steven Seagal presence turning an intended action movie into a cult comedy classic.