Review of Hancock

Hancock (2008)
5/10
Well, the first half was good...
10 July 2008
  • Look, I have an idea. Let's make a Superman flick, but instead of everybody liking this Superman-like character, everyone could, like, hate him.


  • Hmm.. interesting. But why would they hate him? Is he a villain or something?


  • No, no. He is..well.. a jerk. He still catches bad guys and stuff, but he, like, insults people, creates a lot of collateral damage.. you know. A jerk.


  • I like it, I like it. He's like a superhero dr. House or something, right?


  • Right. Only less witty and more bitter. We can also make him a drunk.


  • Well... I dunno if it would fly. Perhaps if we could get Will Smith to do the role. People dig Will Smith.


  • I'm with you there. Will Smith, flying around, insulting people.. man, this will be great!


  • Right. But we have to go with it somewhere, we can't just let him do superhero stuff while being a jerk, this would get old pretty fast. How about he somehow gets involved with a PR specialist, who will, like, try to improve his public image?


  • Great idea! And wait..wait.. what if we get that Michael Bluth guy from Arrested Development to play, umm... Michael Bluth the PR guy?


-Terrific! We're seriously up to something. Let's write!

(scrib scrib scrib... hours pass..)

  • Congrats, we have a hit! Let's celebrate!


  • I'll get the champagne!


  • Umm hold on just a minute...


  • What?


  • I just realized.. this script is only good for about 45 minutes of the movie! Hour tops!


  • Oh no! What can we do? Can we pad it a little?


  • No! It's unpaddable! I even added a female lead as Michael Bluth's wife, it still only added about 5 minutes of the movie. Nope, sorry. This is a dud.


  • Oh come on...


  • Look, look..perhaps we can think of something. Think, think...how do we further the story along, put in, like, some kind of a twist...


  • They are all dead or something?


  • No, no.. how about..


(scrib scrib.. hours pass)

  • Hmmm... I don't think this will work. No chance.


  • Why?


  • Just look at it! It's stupid, insultingly illogical, and the ending.. it's horrible. Look, I've greenlighted Jaws 4, so I know what I'm talking about.


  • But, but.. Will Smith.. Bluth guy.. maybe we can get Charlize for the wife...


  • I know! But this stuff... it.. just does not make any sense! The second half is nothing like the first half. It kills the movie!


  • Yeah, perhaps we should just rewrite the whole thing..but..know what?


  • What?


  • Remember "I am legend"? With Will Smith?


  • Yeees....


  • That one also had a great first half, right?


  • Yes. The first half was good.


  • And the second half royally sucked, right?


  • Riiight...


  • And it still was a success, right?


  • I see.. what you're saying is that a Will Smith flick can have a great first half, idiotic second half and still come out a winner?


  • Exactly!


  • Well it IS kind of late and I'm kinda tired.. What gives, let's do it. Although it *does* sound kinda hancock to me. Btw, how do we call this thing?
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