1/10
A Lost 'Criminal Minds' Episode
18 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
This is easily the worst 'Christmas romance' film me or my SO have endured over he past few years. Watching Hallmark style schlock is something of a tradition for us around the holidays so we end up sitting through some real stinkers, but this one takes the absolute cake.

The dialogue is trite and dreadfully cringy. The female lead is a shrill, unlikable harpy woman who is nearly as unbearable as the male love interest, which brings us to the real horror show; Jacob is terrifying. This guy does not smile, he bears his teeth in a weird grimace that at best resembles an alien's attempt at imitating human warmth. Most of his interactions with Katie are unnerving rather than charming and there's a fair bit of scenes that involve this rough and tumble cowboy man looking absolutely insane.

To make matters worse, he's condescending and achingly overbearing to any but the most desperate of late forty-something housewives. The red flags are MASSIVE and we honestly kept expecting the film to turn into a subversive 'anti holiday romance' film where the heroine's petty pursuit of a relationship to sate an arbitrary life goal ends with her being buried alive in the desert by a psychopath who used her impulsive desires to lure her to her doom.

Instead it's just a bad film about a woman who somehow finds this obvious serial killer charming, when most scenes could easily replace the chipper royalty-free music with an ominous score to instantly create a horror film. There is no charm, wit, romance or humor to be found here, only unintentionally hilarious interactions as characters bumble around in a gory attempt at creating laughs and warming hearts.

It's cheap, it's awkward and ultimately a shallow attempt at an already barren genre. The relationship between Katie and Jacob isn't even nuanced or well developed since a huge amount of screen time is devoted to unfunny scenes where Katie tries online dating to obvious results, so you don't get the privilege of enjoying Matt Merchant's deranged rancher for most of the film. Watch it only if you harbor a secret lust for Ted Bundy, or if you happen to be in the mood for some truly bottom of the barrel film-making.
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