- John Shaft Jr.: You can't beat up a woman!
- John Shaft II: Why not?
- John Shaft Jr.: Because she's a woman! That's like, misogynistic!
- John Shaft II: You're the one being misogynistic, I never even mentioned her gender! I'm an equal-opportunity ass-whooper!
- John Shaft I: Boy, back in the day, we didn't need guns. All we needed was our bare knuckles.
- [reveals an arsenal of firearms]
- John Shaft I: But you can't be too prepared.
- John Shaft Jr.: [on his dad] He thinks he's a black James Bond.
- John Shaft II: If that dude was real, he'd think he was ME.
- Sasha Arias: [to herself after running toward danger and then running right back] Nope, nope, that's some simple bitch shit. Okay, we ain't gonna be her.
- John Shaft II: [from trailer] Damn, you back at having a knife fight?
- John Shaft I: Oh, hell no. I shot him.
- Once Beautiful Woman: For $5 I'll let you lick my titties.
- John Shaft Jr.: Um, no. Those are reasonable prices, but...
- Butch Lesbian Girl: But what, motherf****r? What? You don't like titties.?
- John Shaft Jr.: No, I love titties. Titties are the best. Right? I just had a big breakfast. I didn't really anticipate licking titties today.
- John Shaft II: Who did that to you, son?
- John Shaft Jr.: Don't act like you care about that.
- John Shaft II: No, no, no, no. You tell me who put hands on you like you're some little punk. And you tell me right now.
- John Shaft Jr.: All right, it's this... this henchman. This guy named Manuel.
- John Shaft II: What? One of Manny's push-up-doing punks did that to you?
- John Shaft Jr.: Yes.
- John Shaft II: That motherfucker must have lost his goddamn mind!
- John Shaft II: In general, women want a man... to be manly.
- John Shaft Jr.: I'm pretty sure women don't like being told what it is that they like.
- John Shaft II: See, that's the shit I'm talking about. Men used to be men. Now, you millennial motherfuckers are running around worrying about what women think, and how they feel, and apologizing and shit. It's embarrassing.
- John Shaft Jr.: Apologizing is embarrassing?
- John Shaft II: Yes. Men don't apologize. That's a trap they set for us. Real men just own their shit.
- John Shaft Jr.: No. Real men take responsibility for what they do. Real men are strong enough to admit when they're wrong.
- John Shaft II: Real men are strong enough to put their foot in a motherfucker's ass when they get pissed off.