Asteroid: Final Impact

I love this kind of movie but why are they so bad? Surely the people responsible have seen a disaster movie, Deep Impact comes to mind, it was a great movie. Why waste the money and your credibility? It's not even a fun bad movie, again Why.

There really isn't very much to say about this film. I feel like I've reviewed it already in one of my reviews of at least a dozen other cheesy low budget disaster movies. Take, for example, the other films of director Jason Bourque, including STONADOS, DOOMSDAY PROPHECY, and SEATTLE SUPERSTORM. Those three and this one are so similar that it's as if Bourque is spending his life remaking the same movie.

Anyway, you know the score by now and if you don't, well, my recommendation is to avoid like the plague. Meteorites are striking Earth and laying waste to various global landmarks, and only a renegade scientist has the knowledge or know-how to stop the attacks. There's a whole lot of running around, some scientific mumbo-jumbo talk, and lots of cheesy CGI scenes of meteorite strikes.

The first thing that becomes apparent is that ASTEROID: FINAL IMPACT has little to do with asteroids, and the original title, METEOR ASSAULT, was a much better fit. The second thing is that this is a Canadian movie, so perhaps even cheaper than its contemporaries. The third is that there are no 'guest name' actors here, unless you include Lochlyn Munro (UNFORGIVEN), and I don't. It's not worth bothering with, anyway.

Initially when you sit down to watch a natural disaster movie, chances are quite high that you will be in for something generic, low budget and boring. But still, there is something oddly bizarre about this type of movies that is alluring.

Meteor Assault (aka "Asteroid: Final Impact" as it was named on the DVD I found) turned out to be yet another generic and less than thrilling natural disaster movies that are readily available. So you know what you will get here.

The special effects in the movie, while they were present, were just anything but impressive. Did they serve their purpose? Certainly. But they were just not overly interesting, impressive or captivating. And it turned out to be actually just another mass-produced disaster movie not unlike the majority in the genre.

This movie follows the stereotypical blueprint of how to make a disaster movie. Some huge natural disaster threatens to put mankind to extinction, and a small group of people take action and manages to save the entire world at the very last moment. Yep, it is exactly that formula that "Meteor Assault" follows.

As for the acting in the movie, well let's just leave it at that you know exactly what you are getting, and the standards for these movies is also what you can expect.

I do enjoy disaster movies, just a shame that most of the movies made in the genre are less than mediocre. and "Meteor Assault" turned out to be yet just another of those movies. So there is nothing interesting to be had here.

Funny that this kind of movie still exists. What do you do when you have a microscopical budget in comparison to big budget Hollywood flicks. You can try to stand out with an original story or approach, some experimental cinematography, a strong performance by a yet unknown actor,... Or you can try to copy Hollywood and make a movie that gives you small samples of a possibly ok CGI finale to a mediocre story portrayed by untalented actors filling the gaps with an overload of uninspired dialogue that results into a huge disappointment. Somehow this crap is still being made and thus being profitable.

The standard disaster movie formula. A whistleblower on his project is ostracized. Naturally, he is the only person that can detect and deflect danger. His family does not understand him. Other than his loyal brother, he is being shunned by friends and is at odds with the government for letting out their dirty little secret.

Now in the final countdown will the snotty controller listen? Of course not.

It is up to a team of outsiders and the whistleblower to act on their own and doge the FBI pursuit.

Bad acting, bad chemistry, bad characters, impossible domestic situations, and worst of all an unbelievable final solution. Wait a minute I have it; let's use pepper spray on the asteroid.

Go ahead and kibitz. Do not look outside as this may be real. It may be the last review I ever write. Thank you for reading this with just minutes left.