Kristen Bell credited as playing...
Kiki
- Kiki: Sometimes when I'm driving all by myself, I have this fantasy that I get into a car crash. Not a big one with fire and explosions, but just like a little one, but I do get injured and I get to go to the hospital for two weeks and I sleep all day and I eat Jell-O and I watch so much TV and it's all covered by my insurance. My kids bring me balloons, and the nurses rub cream on my feet, and oh, my God, it's so amazing. Is that like something you guys fantasize about, too?
- Carla, Amy: No.
- Carla: You're batshit crazy.
- Amy: Yeah.
- Carla: And I'm never gonna get into a car with you.
- Amy: This party is raging.
- Kiki: What a turnout.
- Martha Stewart: Hi, would you ladies like a Jell-O shot?
- Amy: Is that, is that? Martha Stewart! Martha, Oh, my God.
- Kiki: Thank you. Oh, my God.
- Martha Stewart: Good, right?
- Carla: I'm cumming.
- Kiki: Oh, my God. What's in this?
- Martha Stewart: Well, it's bespoke lingonberry gelatin... and a shitload of vodka.
- Kiki: They're delicious!
- Martha Stewart: I start my day with six of these.
- Carla: First of all, you're so not a failure as a mother. In fact, you're the best mother that we've ever seen.
- Kiki: True that!
- Carla: You give your kids salad. Your remember your kids birthdays! I mean, I've sat here and watched you wait until your kid fell asleep before you got high.
- Amy: Most moms do that, Carla.
- [Carla explained uncut cock to Amy using Kiki's sweatshirt as model]
- Kiki: I'm not gonna wear this sweatshirt ever again.
- Kiki: Kent is a never-hard.
- Amy: Ooh, what's a never-hard?
- Kiki: Well, he never gets fully hard. So I just have to kinda fold his penis up like a balloon animal and shove it up in my vagina.
- Carla: That sounds horrible!
- Amy: Yeah...
- Kiki: Sometimes, I take the balls and shove em up there too because at least, you know, they're firm.
- Carla: Honey, that is a lot of shit to shove up your cooter.
- Kiki: I mean, I'm just happy he's circumcised.
- Amy: Agh! What if I get somebody who's not circumcised?
- Kiki: Run out of the room screaming. It's like finding a gun in the street; just scream and get out of there!