Mark Hamill credited as playing...
The Joker
- The Joker: You know, it's funny. This reminds me of a joke. See, there were two guys locked in a lunatic asylum and one night... one night, they decided they didn't like that anymore. They decided to escape. So, they made it up to the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see rooftops, stretching across town, stretching to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across, no problem. But his friend, oh, no way, he's afraid of falling. So, the first guy has an idea. He says, "Hey, I got this flashlight with me. I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings and you can walk across the beam and join me." But the second guy says, "What do you think I am, crazy? You'll just turn it off when I'm halfway across!"
- Batman: I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're running out of alternatives. Perhaps it all hinges on tonight. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but maybe I've been there, too. Maybe we could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You don't need to be alone. We don't have to kill each other. Let me help you.
- The Joker: I'm sorry, but no. No, it's far too late for that.
- The Joker: Yes, memory is so treacherous. One moment you're lost in a carnival of delight, childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candyfloss. The next, it takes you somewhere you don't want to be. Somewhere dark and cold, filled with damp, ambiguous-shaped things you'd rather forget. Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children, no?
- The Joker: Well, that's what a dose of reality will do to you. It's why I never touch the stuff. I find it waters down the hallucinations.
- Commissioner Gordon: Please, tell me what I'm doing here. Somebody!
- The Joker: Doing? You're doing what any sane man in your appalling circumstances would do. You're going mad.
- Batman: I spoke with Commissioner Gordon before I came in here. He told me he wanted this done by the book. You know what that means? It means that despite all your sick, cruel, vicious little games, he's as sane as he ever was. So, ordinary people don't crack. Maybe it's just you.
- The Joker: No!
- [as he draws a gun, Batman tackles him outside; after a brief struggle, he raises it again; pulling the trigger, a flag with "Click Click Click" on it pops out]
- The Joker: [pulling the trigger a few times, then throwing it away] God damn it.
- The Joker: I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I know. Because something like that happened to me.
- The Joker: Finish the Commissioner, take him where he needs to be. And please, do be careful. After all, he is topping the bill.
- The Joker: You had a bad day and everything changed.Dressing up like a flying rat doesn't hide it, it screams it.You had a bad day and it drove you as crazy as everybody else, only you won 't admit it. You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling. You make me want to puke.
- Commissioner Gordon: [scrapbooking old articles about the Joker] Look at this one. First time they met. He was just robbing banks then. You remember?
- Barbara Gordon: What I remember is you describing his white face and green hair. I was just a kid, scared the hell out of me.
- Commissioner Gordon: I thought you'd be interested.
- Barbara Gordon: Yeah, well, I had some really interesting nightmares.
- [opening the front door, she sees the Joker with a revolver in hand, and she's thrown backwards as she's shot]
- Commissioner Gordon: Barbara!
- The Joker: I wouldn't worry yet, if I were you. It's just a psychological manifestation, common among librarians. She thinks she's a coffee table edition, though I can't say much for this volume's condition. I mean, there's a hole in the jacket and the spine appears to be damaged.
- Commissioner Gordon: You scum! I'll...
- [as he picks up a pair of scissors, one of the Joker's thugs slugs him in the face]
- The Joker: [as he talks, they continue to beat on Gordon behind him] Will you? Refreshing to hear, not by the book. Speaking of which, this one won't be walking off the shelf anytime soon. In fact, the idea of her walking anywhere seems remote. But then, that's always a problem with softbacks. Oh, God, literary discussions can get so dry, can't they? Finish the Commissioner, take him where he needs to be and please, do be careful. After all, he is topping the bill. It really is a shame you'll miss your father's debut, Ms. Gordon. Sadly, our venue wasn't built with the disabled in mind.
- Carny Owner: Let me tell you something. You ain't gonna regret buying this place. It ain't as bad as it looks.
- The Joker: I hope you're wrong about that.
- Carny Owner: Come on, a little spit and polish, you'll have yourself one hell of a carnival.
- The Joker: Oh, you are so right, and thanks to your smooth salesmanship, and your silver tongue, I'm completely sold. Let's shake on it.
- Carny Owner: Sure, sure, it's my privilege.
- The Joker: Yes. Yes, it is.
- Carny Owner: [two thugs run by] Who are they?
- The Joker: Spit and Polish, my attorneys. They persuaded your partner to sign over the deed about an hour ago. The property's already mine. I can see that you're happy about that. Now, I must dash. There's equipment to rent, plus workers to hire, and of course, I need to secure my main attraction.
- The Joker: So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, headed for places in your past where the screaming is unavoidable.Remember this, there's always madness.