Cassi Davis: Aunt Bam

Boo! A Madea Halloween

Aunt Bam

Aunt Bam: Madea, what is a Ho-01K?
Madea: That's for hoes. That's for all those women that never ever could pay taxes because they got their money illegally, so you put it all to the side. It's not a 401K, it's a Ho-01K. That's what I got from back in the day when I was stripping.

Brian: Listen, we have never spanked our children, ever. We didn't do that, we weren't those kinds of parents.
Hattie: Well that's the problem right there.
Aunt Bam: That's right.
Madea: That's right, that's right. Whoop her. Baby, let me tell you something, I'm not telling you to go up there and abuse no child, even though I got a hammer in my purse, I'm just kidding about the hammer.
[to Hattie]
Madea: No I'm not.
[to Brian]
Madea: But listen, what I'm trying to get you to understand is very very simple, son. Hear me clearly. A little love tap never hurt nobody.

Police Officer #1: We got a call from this house about an underaged girl at a frat party?
Aunt Bam: Uh...
[Jamaican accent]
Aunt Bam: No Englese, I'm... from Jamaica.
Police Officer #1: They speak English in Jamaica.
Aunt Bam: Well then I'm from Me-hi-co!
Police Officer #1: Como usta usted?
Aunt Bam: Well then I'm from China.
[Cop responds in Chinese]
Aunt Bam: Ah! You speaking in tongues?
Police Officer #1: I went to college.
Aunt Bam: And I love Jesus. Yes, I do, too.
Police Officer #1: We all do too.
Aunt Bam: Amen.

Hattie: Hey, Brian!
Brian: Hello, Miss Hattie, how you doing?
Hattie: Hey, gimme a hug, Brian!
Brian: [laughs nervously] Oh, no, no, no, I'll pass on that. I'll pass on that.
Hattie: Why?
Aunt Bam: You know why. Every time you hug up on him, you thrust your pelvis into his.
Hattie: What? He a grown-ass man, he can take it.
Brian: I don't *want* to take it, Miss Hattie.
Hattie: You can take it if you want it, Brian.
Brian: I don't want it.

Aunt Bam: These children today...
Madea: No, it ain't the children, baby, it's the parents. It's the *damn* parents, the parents I don't understand.
Joe: That's what it is right there.
Madea: If the parents were getting in charge of the children here, we wouldn't be having all these issues.

Aunt Bam: I was so worried at my house, you know I'm scared of everything. Scared. Of. Everything. And this Halloween stuff just give me the creeps.
Madea: She don't like, she don't like Haller-ween.
Aunt Bam: Mm-mm. Don't like it at all, it just give me the creeps. But now I'm all right, 'cause we all here together
Madea: All together.
Aunt Bam: That's right.
Madea: Together.

Tiffany: Look what I brought home from school.
Joe: What the hell's that?
Tiffany: It's a ghost board, Grandpa.
Joe: Get that, get that the hell on out of here.
Aunt Bam: No ma'am, uh-uh, get that devilment out of here.
Tiffany: No, it's fun. It's how you communicate with the dead.
Madea: You heard her, get it on out of here, honey. We don't play with stuff like that. Get that up out of here.
Tiffany: No, it's fun.
Madea: I'ma tell you right now, if you open it, that's what you're gonna be. Dead! You gonna be on the other side, honey. We don't play with stuff like that.