Tyler Perry credited as playing...
Madea • Joe • Brian
- Alice: Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?
- Madea: If that's what I gotta do, then that's what I'm doing. I believe!
- Alice: And you confess your sins?
- Madea: [looks around the church] In front of all these children? You want me to confess all my sins in front of these men, I can't do that, I'll have them blushing.
- [laughs]
- Madea: You don't know what I used to do back in the day, honey. It wan't no fun. Bam!
- [knocks her breasts together]
- Madea: [Tiffany and her friends are being held for Aday's murder] This is what your daddy was trying to tell you, this is what I was trying to make you understand, little girl. Your parents ain't lame because they say 'don't sneak out, don't text and drive', all that stuff is bad and you get people killed.
- Brian: Listen, we have never spanked our children, ever. We didn't do that, we weren't those kinds of parents.
- Hattie: Well that's the problem right there.
- Aunt Bam: That's right.
- Madea: That's right, that's right. Whoop her. Baby, let me tell you something, I'm not telling you to go up there and abuse no child, even though I got a hammer in my purse, I'm just kidding about the hammer.
- [to Hattie]
- Madea: No I'm not.
- [to Brian]
- Madea: But listen, what I'm trying to get you to understand is very very simple, son. Hear me clearly. A little love tap never hurt nobody.
- Hattie: Hey, Brian!
- Brian: Hello, Miss Hattie, how you doing?
- Hattie: Hey, gimme a hug, Brian!
- Brian: [laughs nervously] Oh, no, no, no, I'll pass on that. I'll pass on that.
- Hattie: Why?
- Aunt Bam: You know why. Every time you hug up on him, you thrust your pelvis into his.
- Hattie: What? He a grown-ass man, he can take it.
- Brian: I don't *want* to take it, Miss Hattie.
- Hattie: You can take it if you want it, Brian.
- Brian: I don't want it.
- Brian: Daddy, you shouldn't have pushed me off that roof, that's all I'm gonna say. You shouldn't have pushed me off that roof.
- Joe: Again, did you die? Nigga?
- Brian: How many times I have to tell you? Stop using that word. That is a *horrible* word. I don't understand why you keep using that word! Stop saying it, it's horrible, it's awful! All these people use it in the music, all these kids are in the club saying it. STOP saying that word!
- Joe: Bitch ass.
- Aunt Bam: I was so worried at my house, you know I'm scared of everything. Scared. Of. Everything. And this Halloween stuff just give me the creeps.
- Madea: She don't like, she don't like Haller-ween.
- Aunt Bam: Mm-mm. Don't like it at all, it just give me the creeps. But now I'm all right, 'cause we all here together
- Madea: All together.
- Aunt Bam: That's right.
- Madea: Together.
- Tiffany: Look what I brought home from school.
- Joe: What the hell's that?
- Tiffany: It's a ghost board, Grandpa.
- Joe: Get that, get that the hell on out of here.
- Aunt Bam: No ma'am, uh-uh, get that devilment out of here.
- Tiffany: No, it's fun. It's how you communicate with the dead.
- Madea: You heard her, get it on out of here, honey. We don't play with stuff like that. Get that up out of here.
- Tiffany: No, it's fun.
- Madea: I'ma tell you right now, if you open it, that's what you're gonna be. Dead! You gonna be on the other side, honey. We don't play with stuff like that.