Nicolas Cage credited as playing...
Brent
- Brent Ryan: Now the world you kids are living in. The things you've seen on the Internet. Mouth to dildo, dildo to ass, ass to ass! Hi, Brent! Anal beads.
- Brent Ryan: Your motherfucking mother said to open this door! And motherfuckers, you're going to open this motherfucking door!
- Kendall Ryan: [as Brent bandages her gunshot] You got a gun? Another thing for your midlife crisis? What was the combination?
- Brent Ryan: Josh's birthday.
- [cut to Josh solving the combination]
- Kendall Ryan: You bought a pool table?
- Brent Ryan: Yeah, so?
- Kendall Ryan: You don't even like pool. Can I ask how much this cost?
- Brent Ryan: Don't worry about it.
- Kendall Ryan: I kind of *have* to worry about it. I mean Christmas is coming up, do you really think that this is the right time to start building a man cave in the basement?
- Brent Ryan: It's not a man cave, Kendall. I just thought, you know, like, like a family room.
- Kendall Ryan: The whole house is a family room.
- Brent Ryan: Okay, you see, I got a problem with that idea right there, because I bust my ass 6 days a week trying to pay this place down, and it's like a fucking obstacle course trying to get out the fucking front door. I mean one of these days, I'm gonna trip over one of Josh's toys and take a nose dive straight to the ER.
- Kendall Ryan: What are you saying?
- Brent Ryan: I'm saying maybe we need to have some boundaries, I'm saying maybe there needs to be a fucking grown up zone, and a fucking kids' zone!
- Brent Ryan: I remember the kid I used to be like it was four fucking minutes ago! My feet barely touched the ground back then! My kill ratio was 9/10, it was 100% sex! But that guy, in a million years could never have pictured this tired motherfucker he turned out to be! Flat on his ass, fat, bald, cottage cheese fucking ass, Blue Bonnet butter waistline with hair coming out of my ears and nose, my salary went from $145,000 to $45,000! Yeah, building a fucking man cave, that's right, you're right!
- [last lines]
- Brent Ryan: But sometimes, we just want to...
- Brent Ryan: [singing as he destroys his pool table] Oh yeah you put your right foot in, you put your right foot out... you do the hokey pokey and you fuck shit up!
- Kendall Ryan: [Stops breaking down the door as the doorbell rings] Your parents?
- Brent Ryan: That was today?
- Brent Ryan: [after destroying the pool table with a sledgehammer] You're right, honey, I hate pool. Not a big fan of machine-part sales either, trying to hit quotas down there, be a big man, not exactly what I had in mind as a young dude, you know. Bright future, everything in the world to look forward to.