Adam Sandler credited as playing...
Howard Ratner
- Howard Ratner: And who's this guy?
- Julia: It's this guy The Weeknd.
- Howard Ratner: What the fuck is The Weeknd?
- Julia: He's gonna be major, even though he's from Canada.
- Howard Ratner: This guy looks stupid.
- Howard Ratner: I know. I know. Jews and colon cancer. What *is* that? I thought we were the chosen people.
- [from trailer, in Gary's office]
- Howard Ratner: So I want the Celtics to cover, I want the Celtics halftime, I want Garnett points and rebounds.
- Gary: Whaddaya know?
- Howard Ratner: I dunno, I just know.
- Gary: Well I'll tell you what I know, it's the dumbest fuckin' bet I ever heard of.
- Howard Ratner: [smiles with teeth] I disagree.
- [leaves]
- Howard Ratner: I disagree, Gary.
- Howard Ratner: Come on! KG. This is no different than that. This is me. All right? I'm not a fuckin' athlete, this is *my* fuckin' way. This is how *I* win. All right?
- Howard Ratner: That's a million-dollar opal you're holding. Straight from the Ethiopian Jewish tribe. I mean this is old-school, Middle-earth shit.
- Dinah Ratner: You know what, Howard?
- Howard Ratner: [face-to-face] Say yes. What?
- Dinah Ratner: I think you are the most annoying person I have ever met. I hate *being* with you, I hate *looking* at you... And if I had my way I would never - see you - again.
- Kevin Garnett: Let me get the fuckin' opal, man. Let me get the fuck up outta here.
- Howard Ratner: This opal...
- Kevin Garnett: Yeah.
- Howard Ratner: This opal's very valuable for you.
- Kevin Garnett: Absolutely.
- Howard Ratner: OK? I did that.
- Kevin Garnett: [mutters] Come on, get the fuck out...
- Howard Ratner: I, I respect you. I respect your passion. OK?, I always have.
- Kevin Garnett: I thought you was a fan, too, man.
- Howard Ratner: I'm a fuckin' HUGE fan!
- Kevin Garnett: What did you pay for this? Real shit, what did you pay for this right here?
- Howard Ratner: That's not a fair question, Kevin! All right? This uh - We're talkin' months and months of fuckin' - my time!
- Kevin Garnett: You're not gon' take the *money* back when I did the deal now, I'm just sayin', straight up. Straight up, me and you, mano a mano. How much you pay for this?
- Howard Ratner: Fuckin' ah - What I pay? I paid a uh... That's, this is, that's... I'm tellin' ya, if I answer that question it's very misleading.
- Kevin Garnett: Why?
- Howard Ratner: It's - I paid a hundred grand, OK?
- Kevin Garnett: So - you doubled your money.
- Howard Ratner: I'M the joke here, all right? I got fucked! A million dollars is what I was supposed to get! I get a fuckin' what? Made sixty-five G's?
- Demany: And what the fuck is it wit' you Jewish niggas and basketball anyway? 'Uh? Shucks.
- Howard Ratner: I'll have you know the first two points scored in the NBA was a Jew.
- Demany: Yeah, yeah, who what, Fred Flintstein?
- Howard Ratner: No. Ossie Schectman, 1946, played for the Knicks.
- Gooey: This is A uh - KG, anh?
- Howard Ratner: Aw. Three for eleven? What the fuck?
- Gooey: Yeah, he looks tortured.
- Howard Ratner: That fuckin' guy tried to steal an opal from me.
- Gooey: Your opal? Your opal came?
- Howard Ratner: My opal came, yeah.
- Gooey: Yeah?
- Howard Ratner: Yeah, and stupidly I lend it to this motherfucker.
- Noah: No!
- Gooey: Whaddya mean? He took it, he stole it?
- Howard Ratner: He didn't steal it, he got carried away. He thinks it has magic powers.
- Noah: Magic powers?
- [Gooey laughs heartily]
- Howard Ratner: Yeah.
- Gooey: No.
- Howard Ratner: Well look. Look at him tonight, without it. He didn't have it tonight, look how fuckin' bad he played. He s- - He wants to own it. So, I tell him come to the auction, fuckin' make a bid for it, like everyone else.
- Eddie Ratner: Who's the girl livin' in your apartment?
- Howard Ratner: What'd you say?
- Eddie Ratner: Yeah! That guy told me there's some hot chick livin' in your apartment. Who is that - Mom?
- Howard Ratner: What are you doin' talkin' to that cokehead?
- Eddie Ratner: He was talkin'!...
- Howard Ratner: I told you to go in there and take a shit! That was it! Get on the elevator! Enough already.
- [short pause]
- Howard Ratner: Don't... Don't talk about that to anybody.
- Kevin Garnett: A million dollars is more is my point, you understand?
- Howard Ratner: Well - you wanna win by one point or fuckin' thirty points, KG? Right? I see ya out there when the fuckin' stadium's all booin' ya! You're thirty up, you're still goin' full tilt!
- Howard Ratner: That's your fault!
- [hits Coach Rivers on the TV screen; speaking loudly:]
- Howard Ratner: You see that other guy though, Phil? One'a your boys from Boston? You had some boys in Boston? You'll see what I'm talkin' - hang on! This fucker? Is that one'a your boys, that fat fuck? Looks like you. Looks like one'a your boys.
- Howard Ratner: [weeping] Everything I do is not goin' right! Everything I do is not goin' right! I don't know what to do, I really don't.