Quotes

The Explorers' Club

Jack: Oh, hey, Esther. How you doing?
Esther: Ugh, I got in a fight last night. But on the upside, the tooth fairy came.

Clark: Check it! Guess who raided the freebie closet? Ooh, Jack, you got nothing on this.
Jack: Clark, you look like Harry Potter if he had a short film at Sundance. No, wait. "Where's Waldo?" after a three day bender with Kiefer Sutherland.
Clark: [dryly] Ha ha ha.
Jack: You look like the worst pimp at the South Pole. You look like Super Mario if he was at a rave in Ibiza.
Clark: Ha ha, so... so many accurate burns.

Jack: It's time the indoor kids met more of Roland's generation. People that fought in battles that weren't lip-sync based. This club is full of real men.
Roland: And one or two token women. There was a lawsuit in the '80s.
Clark: This is gonna be so great!
Jack: And they'll be so excited to meet Liberace's snowboard instructor.

Brooke: I'm so worried about my dad. I mean, he built his reputation as an explorer on climbing Cerro Torre.
Jack: Yeah, that story changed my life. Without it, I'd probably be some assistant manager at Jiffy Lube, having tons of sex.

[Roland is depressed about having been suspended as a member from the Adventure Society]
Brooke: Oh, my god, dad. You look like... Jack, this is your wheelhouse.
Jack: Yeah. You look like Winston Churchill had sex with Nick Nolte's mugshot.

Mather: You're embarrassing yourself, Jack. You're defending a liar.
Jack: Roland didn't lie. He was defending his friend's honor. Which is what I thought this club was about. You know, I used to brag about your generation's greatness. But even though these kids I work with are physically weak, lazy, immature, easily distracted, pale...
Brooke: Jack.
Jack: You broke my train of thought. I need to start over. Physically weak, pale...
Brooke: Jack!
Jack: Whatever. I would take their earnestness and loyalty over your pettiness any day of the week, Mather.

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