- Ophelia: I'm not sure I've ever met a man quite like you, Basil.
- Johnny English: Let me clear up the uncertainty for you. You haven't.
- Bough: [Upon seeing him for first time] Sir! Wonderful to see you!
- Johnny English: Yes, alright Bough, we're going on a mission, not a honeymoon.
- Pegasus: Now, transport. So, take any hybrid you want.
- Johnny English: [pulls the dust cover off an Aston Martin] I'll take this one.
- Pegasus: Oh, don't be ridiculous, English. This car's a relic. Drinks petrol, leaks oil and has no passive, let alone active, safety features.
- Bough: You know what else it doesn't have, Sir? Satellite navigation or a single computer chip.
- Johnny English: Making it completely invisible to a digital enemy.
- [Ophelia has Johnny at gunpoint as he sits on the edge of her boat]
- Johnny English: If you wanted to kill me, you would've done so already. Until we meet again.
- [He leans back and falls over the edge. There's a clang]
- Johnny English: Ow!
- [Ophelia walks to the edge and leans over, revealing that Johnny has landed on the lower deck of the boat]
- Ophelia: That was sooner than expected.
- Johnny English: [a group of cyclists are cycling in front of the car, blocking the way] Arm the missile!
- Bough: They are just cyclists, sir.
- Johnny English: They are FRENCH cyclists, Bough, and they are obstructing Her Majesty's Secret Service.
- [Johnny pushes the missile button]
- Johnny English: [after being asked his name] Basil. Basil... Golightly. And this is...
- Bough: Colin.
- Johnny English: [to Bough] I thought we were using fake names.
- Bough: That is a fake name, sir.
- Johnny English: Oh.
- Bough: Do you think we should get some petrol for the Aston, sir?
- Johnny English: No. An Aston Martin is surprisingly economical, Bough.
- Prime Minister: [to English] When I finally get a chance to do something good for my country, the universe sends me you. Well, I say UP THE UNIVERSE'S *ARSE*!
- Johnny English: Oh, gosh, what a wonderful woman, Bough. Wonderful!
- Bough: Right.
- Johnny English: Charming, intelligent, lovely sense of humor. And obviously entirely innocent.
- Bough: Although I broke into her room, and she does have three passports, sir: Romanian, Bulgarian, Russian, different name in each.
- Johnny English: So she's been married to three different people. Not unusual in this day and age, Bough.
- Bough: Oh, and I also found some garroting wire and two boxes of ammunition.
- Johnny English: Well single woman traveling alone. You can't be too careful.
- Bough: You don't think she might be a spy, sir?
- Johnny English: A spy? I think I know what a spy looks like, Bough.
- Johnny English: And what does it shoot? Poison darts?
- P: It... doesn't shoot anything. It's a phone. There's a Twitter handle, Instagram feed, and secure login for the department Uber account.
- Johnny English: What's he on about, Bough? I need a weapon, not a box of gobbledegook.
- Bough: Um... I think what Agent English is trying to say is, all of this is highly trackable, and since we're dealing with a very sophisticated digital target, it might be best if we take a more analogue, low tech approach.
- Johnny English: [Smiles at Bough] Precisely.
- Ophelia: He's British Intelligence.
- Jason Volta: And there you have it: two words that have no right being in the same sentence together.
- Prime Minister: [after English shows her the birthday party video on driving student's phone] Can I just ask, what is wrong with you? The press is wetting itself, and the only person capable of saving us is the man you're accusing of high treason.
- Johnny English: I was in the room myself when he gave the order, Prime Minister!
- [stammers]
- Johnny English: But, but, there was a... there was a... You know...
- Prime Minister: Do you know what I was in the room with, English? Your file, which I've read in its entirety, and I have a few questions. Did you or did you not burn the Côte de Roc restaurant in Antibes to the ground?
- Johnny English: [nervously] Um...
- Prime Minister: And did you or did you not fire a guided missile at a peloton of French cyclists?
- Johnny English: [stammers] W-Well...
- Prime Minister: Before commandeering an open-top bus and tossing the tour guide off the top deck, and then assaulting an 82-year-old grandmother in a sandwich shop before battering the employee of said sandwich shop with two organic sourdough baguettes?
- Johnny English: Uh, I don't remember...
- Prime Minister: Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me?
- [English shakes his head "no"]
- Prime Minister: Hmm? Do you have even the foggiest notion of how virtually impossible it is to get anything done in the face of events and facts and voters and that tsunami of toss-pots we call the national press? Finally I get the chance to do something good for my country, and what happens? The universe sends me you. Well, do you know what I say? I say "up the universe's arse!"
- [English and Bough look stunned]
- Prime Minister: And do you know what else I say? You're fired. With immediate effect. Now get out! And make sure I never clap eyes on that imbecile ever again!
- Johnny English: Right. Let's get back to school before matron notices you're missing. And don't worry, there aren't any more booby traps.
- [Falls into a hole]
- Johnny English: Apart from this one of course.