User reviews

According to Ron Bonk's comedy horror House Shark, herds of sharks used to roam the land in America until they were forced into the sea by hunters, although a few remained. It is one of these last land-dwelling sharks that terrorises homeowner Frank, forcing him out of his house to live in the garden. With the help of house shark expert Zachary (Michael Merchant) and drunken salty sea-dog Abraham (Wes Reid), Frank tries to kill the big fish.

House Shark is, as the title suggests, a dumb movie. No... scratch that. It's a very, very, VERY dumb movie, intentionally so. Unfortunately, Bonk's particular brand of comedy - goofball lunacy with lots of toilet humour - only occasionally hits the mark, with most of the gags floundering like a shark on a Chinese fishing boat. With the film running at nearly two hours long, the silliness gets really tedious, Abraham's drunken drawl proving particularly grating on the nerves.

The special effects range from the barely passable (I quite enjoyed the underwater scene in which things float on clearly visible wires) to the downright terrible (the shark itself looks like it's been made from chicken wire and papier-mâché). The film opens in promisingly trashy fashion with a naked woman pulled down a toilet by the shark, leaving a bloody mess in her wake, but the rest of the film is nudity free, with very little gore.

2.5/10, generously rounded up to 3 for the one line that actually made me laugh: "I don't know how many people died that day. 3....4... maybe none."

I knew going in that this would be a parody of Jaws, but I was not expecting it to be super corny with very annoying acting from all over the place. This film also has a run time that is way too long for a movie of this type and its obsession with buttholes was a bit disturbing. Sadly, I have seen much worse in terms of low budget shark films as usually seen on the SyFy channel, but this one just lays it on too thick to be good. The jokes fall flat a lot of times and is it just me or did the one guy sound like that prospector from the MST3K riffed film The Final Sacrifice and the son look and sound like that annoying kid from the riffed Teenage Strangler?

The story has a husband going on a date which apparently he feels compelled to go on despite not being attracted to the woman. He leaves his son in the charge of a babysitter who is cute and gets naked and gets eaten! The best scene and shark attack in the whole movie and by far the best behind. Well, the father and the son are living in a tent, the father doesn't want to show the house and wants to destroy it, but the realtors he signed up with do. So they send an expert to kill the shark who fails and then a man who knows about the house shark first hand comes as well as an expert as they try to battle the fish in the house.

The humor is of the parody variety, but just is not funny most of the time. I got tired of the guy doing the accent quickly and the fact they were all named after presidents, pointless. The acting is not good for the most part as it just has the feel of guys who think they are funny trying to hard. The shark is a costume and while it doesn't look great, it does look better than the CGI sharks found in most other cheaply made shark movies and the gore is quite good at times too.

So, while the film was pretty bad, it had its entertaining qualities. It may have helped had the film been shortened so that the bad acting did not begin to annoy and if they had stuck with simply doing a shark parody without the other references. Basically, a movie that tries to capitalize on the success of a film that is over 40 years old. It is better than that lawnmower film that was a parody of Jaws released by Troma in the 80's as that one played it deadly serious for some reason. So this movie has that going for it.

I had to pause this movie with about 12 minutes left til the end, and I honestly didn't think I could finish it. I purposely combed through the closing credits to see if there was an editor, because I didn't believe there was one. Surprise, surprise, writer/director Ron Bonk also edited his own movie. I would say, only he would leave in all the unnecessary dialogue, subplots that go nowhere, dead air, abandoned characters, and utter nonsense. House Shark runs nearly 2 hours! Is there a good movie in here somewhere? Probably not. I'm giving it 4 stars because on a few occasions, I either laughed out loud or said "that was pretty good." 3 laughs in 2 hours? It starts off promisingly enough, with full-frontal nudity and an outrageously gory shark attack. As a matter of fact, after a certain amount of time, I thought this movie hired exclusively slutty actresses. No way, the bulk of this film gives way to a sausage fest.

I understand this filmmaker wanted to populate his movie with OTT characters, to be as campy as possible. Problem is, they're *SO* OTT, I couldn't understand them half the time! My expectations were certainly dashed. From the title, the concept, the zero-budget creative nature, the exploitative nature, the indie nature, the front and back cover, and what you would normally expect from a film like this. So, it's possible I'm being unfair. But it did not deliver on any of those levels.

I enjoy poorly-done, low-budget, screwball movies for their sheer lunacy and entertainment value, but this one...Never before have I seen anything put on film that was this outlandishly ridiculous. Some jokes are funny, and Mr. Bonk thought he must have been playing a great prank on the audience. From the pitiful acting, to the obsession over certain body parts, and the ludicrous foam "house shark," there were literally no redeeming parts to this "film." I tried to enjoy ANY part of this cinematic treasure and I just couldn't. If you want to punish someone for almost two hours, ask them to watch "House Shark" with you.

Who thought this should be an hour and 52 minutes long?!?

This movie is shockingly bad and this is coming from someone who loves bad movies and the cheesier the better. Honestly bad acting is to be expected in a movie called House Shark but what I didn't expect was for the main 3 guys to be sooo annoying I wanted to turn it off. The Abraham Lincoln wannabe and the Scottish house shark expert were most annoying. I waited for some really funny/bad lines and some stupid kill scenes. You get nothing like this you dont even see a shark for almost the whole film.

If you want to see a so bad it's good shark movie go watch Raiders of the lost Shark or the Sharktopus movies (much better then Sharknado). I can't believe I paid $3 for this. I'm off to watch Sharkopus vs Whalewolf to try and forget this crap.

I love bad movies, even when they know when they're bad. This movie just doesn't seem to do a whole lot with the "house shark" concept. The character of Abraham was just irritating and completely unfunny. It started out fun but the last half of this movie just goes on forever. Also it's way too long. Dumb movies like this should be 90 mins tops. I don't think I laughed once.

This is about as unapologetic as they get with what it is. It knows it. It embraces it, and it runs with it full steam ahead. It's a low-budget, absurdly goofy homage to JAWS, and a few other films. Everything about the film works because of that fact and they seemed to just run with it. It has all the issues you often find in lower budget films, but it doesn't hinder it from being enjoyable. In fact, that aspect enhances what's wonderful and awesome about it.

This isn't going to be a film everyone is going to enjoy. In fact, outside of a niche group of film lovers and JAWS fanatics, I'm guessing it would just leave people scratching their heads. It's lewd, crude, and goofy. The humor is very tied to what they are referencing, and at times very juvenile. Don't get me wrong, those are the things I loved about it, but they are a big part of the movie and everyone might not appreciate those aspects.

This is one I want to have a bunch of friends over for and have fun with. It seems like the type of film that would only get better with a crowd.

My Rating: 6/10

Want a movie that doesn't take itself seriously? Here you go. From start to finish this movie parodies many genres and in my opinion succeeds. Sure the effects are poor, but it's done on purpose. Would you rather a dude in a costume or poor cgi? I dare you to watch shark exorcist ( which I could only watch 5 mins of) . Please give this effort a chance, it's a goofy movie and well worth it. Thanks in advance dwl

This movie was so bad that you gotta give it credit. You keep looking to see how much worse could it get. Truth is. It's funny in a stupid way and I finished it and though gross and ridiculous ir had its moments and was very funny.

The shark movies always try to be funny but this one actually succeeds. It probably should have been about 20 minutes shorter though.

It is the worst B movie EVER made. Don't waste your time.

The quinn wannabe was a bit irritating and the effects if you can call it that were pretty cheesy. if you wanna try and be as bad or worse than mulva zombie ass kicker as the worst movie ever might wanna try a bit harder. after 10 mins i was looking for the exit and should get a medal for finishing this one. i wouldn't recommend it even for a time killer and you have better things to do.

Don't watch this stupid movie it's retarded it's not funny or scary it's just terrible can't believe people actually paid to have this made

I wasn't expecting much and it still disappointed. The acting throughout the movie was atrocious. The Story well was no where it was so boring and nouthing really happened. The script was diabolical. The story was just not interesting. The characters were bland and dry. The movie is also really annoying with the way the supposedly ' actors' act. The movie was not even funny either. No drama, no tension no funny moments wooden acting throughout. Probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Watch Sharknado instead. It is awful but at least provides something this movie is boring and lame throughout. And the Run time of this movie was way too long. I get that it's called ' House Shark' but there could be a fair few laughs and some tension with at least bearable acting and there was litrally none of that. Sadly a 1.

Overall: 1/10 Diabolical sadly 😭🙃

Thanks for suffocating me and making me dead from inside!

Sure, when I sat down to watch the 2017 movie titled "House Shark" from writer and director Ron Bonk, I have to admit that I was expecting absolutely nothing. But still, it was a movie that I hadn't already seen, and the movie here seemed like it could be one of those low budget movies that are so bad that they actually transcends into becoming enjoyable.

Lo and behold, and that was exactly what "House Shark" was. Man, oh man, this movie was low key and low budget, ultra low budget. But it was the cheesy and lousy effects, the terrible script, insanely laughable characters and dialogue, and the home-made special effects that all contributed to "House Shark" and made it into what it was. And what was it? An enjoyable low budget shark movie.

The storyline here was pretty much out the window from the beginning, but it was so terrible a storyline and plot that it was actually fun to sit through and watch "House Shark". This is the type of movie that you just laugh at and shake your head in disbelief.

The characters and the dialogue in the movie were bad. Very, very bad. But trust me, it added to the charm of the movie, because it fit right into the movie alongside everything else that was equally bad.

The acting performances in the movie were as to be expected. But again, it fit right into the movie and the overall feel of the movie.

The special effects were off the roof, in a bad way. Yes sir, this was hilarious to watch. That shark was among the worst I have seen, but it was so grotesquely bad that it was fun to watch it on the screen. Then there was the thing with the flooding and underwater scene. Wow, that was definitely unique, and it was worth sitting through. The idea behind that scene was just brilliant. And then there were the strings that held things afloat in some scenes, hilarious. The fake beard needs to be mentioned too. I could go on and on here, but it is something that needs to be experienced and seen firsthand.

"House Shark" is something you definitely have to sit down and watch, should you have the chance. Especially if you enjoy these low budget, cheesy bad movies.

The movie's cover over-sells the movie by several light years.

My rating of "House Shark" lands on a six out of ten stars. I was quite entertained by this low budget movie.

This movie represents what the Scary Movie horror-satire films would have resembled if they had been given only 1/26th of their budgets, had lesser-known names attached, and had taken greater creative risks. Everything about this one is phenomenally, unequivocally, apocalypse-evokingly awful and that's what makes this intentional train wreck a moderate success. It set out to be one of those so-bad-it's good films and manages to land on its' feet , if wobbly. I chuckled aloud several times. They really tried to line up more punches than a hangry Mike Tyson on a meth binge. There were no breaks and no brakes so managing just a handful of lol moments isn't an outstanding achievement though still a better performance than most genre competitors.

Really Lame and boring movie. It feels like it was made by high schoolers. Random shark movies have ran its course already. Unoriginal, just be done with the Sharknado rip offs already.

Just dyabollically awful! Offended that a Short Animation of mine was the support screening at a film festival, before this!