Robert Reborn

"Dude, did you not see the Puppet Master films? Cos this is just one the Puppet Master films you've made here." Apparently that's not enough characters for a full review. So...yeah, it's not good but this guy is making movies in Wales that sell well allover the world so, fair play to him. Even he did so by completely ripping off the Puppet Master films.

Andrew Jones' prolific North Bank Entertainment dishes out another in the successful series featuring Robert the Doll. As with the previous couple of instalments his fictional creator, The Toymaker, has become a central character. It isn't a great decision: Lee Bane is a mainstay of Jones' productions and often turns in fine performances, but once again, he is buried under 'old man' make-up from which no-one could make much of an impression. The Toymaker's look has been toned down, admittedly, but the character remains visually unimpressive and often absurd. Knowingly though, there is a thin line of dark humour present that invites the audience not to take things too seriously.

This is very much part of a series: there is little effort to explain any previous plot developments in the hope of converting those unfamiliar with Robert's back-story. Events occur, but very little story seems to take place for a long while. Robert himself makes fleeting head-and-shoulders appearances (as do his friends, Cyclops and Kalashnikov), and any venue, whether it be theatre of public house, is noticeably free of people.

'Robert Reborn' is the fifth in the film series, and it appears to be the concluding chapter in what has become the prequel trilogy (this is set in 1951). I'm not massively sorry about this. Robert's origins could have made quite a pacey and entertaining story, but three films is stretching the idea beyond breaking point. And yet, this opened at #1 in HMV's DVD Premier Chart, so it appears others are more enamoured of the little fellow's beginnings than me.

I still think there's mileage in the story. Images of a toy-room festooned with sightless, grinning mannequins will never not be creepy, and Jones' productions have always bounced back despite occasionally uninspiring decisions.

'Robert Reborn' isn't a bad film (the scenes aboard a plane heading for Moscow), but it exposes many weaknesses of a low-budget production without bringing anything particularly inspiring to the table this time around. My score is 5 out of 10.

There is nothing to recommend about this movie. The budget had to be 3 pence. The writing is dismal, there is no acting o speak f and the directing is 3rd grade.

The Robert Doll is the wirst doll you will EVER see. It looks like it was made by a 5th grader.

If ever there was a case for a Robert abortion, this is it.

Robert Reborn: KGB officer Stoichkov kidnaps a toymaker, who owns a mystical book, to find a way to heal Stalin. However, things take a turn when the toymaker's dolls set out to rescue him. This is part of a killer doll franchise and is so bad it's good. Terrible special effects, unconvincing dolls. Anachronisms abound, though set in 1951 a modern jet is used but when the toymaker defects to Britain the jet is intercepted by World War Two RAF planes, London has a present day skyline. Acting is terrible. Surely this is deliberate? Written and Directed by Andrew Jones. On Netflix. I'm giving it 4/10 for laughs.

This movie is similar to Puppet Master 3: Revenge of Toulon (1991) that I can't imagine the writer and director hadn't seen it before making this inferior film. Not that Puppet Master 3 was a masterpiece but this is so, so much worse. We're talking hand-puppets here. The accents are laughable, the costumes and makeup clownish. What more do you want from me, IMDB? Must I write a thesis to simply warn people away from a tragically stinky pile of crap on the cinematic lawn? There's not that much to say beyond that. If you're contemplating this, watch a Puppet Master flick instead.

Dammit, need t.