Ladies and gentlemen, I have witnessed some cinematic disasters in my time, but "The Last Big Save" takes the cake as a mind-numbing exercise in incompetence. Frank D'Angelo, the writer and director of this cinematic catastrophe, seems to have confused "filmmaking" with "torture." From start to finish, "The Last Big Save" assaults the senses with its incoherent plot, abysmal acting, and laughable dialogue. It's a film that leaves you longing for the sweet release of amnesia.
Let's begin with the screenplay, or lack thereof. D'Angelo's writing resembles the scribbles of a 9th grade drama student. The dialogue is a baffling mix of clichés, nonsensical ramblings, and poorly executed attempts at profundity. One can only assume that D'Angelo wrote the script on a cocktail napkin, because there's no other explanation for the level of incompetence on display.
But the real crime of "The Last Big Save" lies in its acting. I have seen more convincing performances from cardboard cutouts. Frank D'Angelo himself stars in the film, delivering a performance that can only be described as a masterclass in woodenness. It's as if he learned all his acting techniques from a dusty old book titled "How to Emote Like a Block of Wood." The supporting cast is equally disastrous, stumbling through their lines with all the grace of a herd of drunken elephants. Not a single actor in this film manages to rise above the abysmal material they've been given.
And let's not forget the technical aspects of "The Last Big Save" if we can even call them that. The cinematography is a jumbled mess, with shots that are either overexposed or completely out of focus. It's as if the camera operator was aiming for "amateurish" and hit "unwatchable" instead. The editing is equally atrocious, with cuts that are so jarring and haphazardly executed that I suspect the editor was trying to induce motion sickness in the audience. It's a visual assault that adds insult to injury.
Professional hockey...fuggetaboutit.
In conclusion, "The Last Big Save" is a cinematic abomination that should be avoided at all costs. Frank D'Angelo's misguided attempt at filmmaking is an insult to the art form and a waste of precious screen time. It's a film that leaves you questioning the very existence of cinema and contemplating the meaninglessness of life. If you ever find yourself in the unfortunate position of having to watch "The Last Big Save", I recommend you do what the title suggests: make a swift and decisive retreat from the theater. You'll thank me later.
