- Jeff Bidwell: Careful, Mike; careful! You are speaking of the lady I almost loved.
- Terwilliger: The dames *you've* almost loved would read from here to Chicago--laid end to end.
- Jeff Bidwell: [thinks this over a moment] What a...quaint expression.
- Jeff Bidwell: Well, Mona! How are you feeling this morning? Or have you any feelings left?
- Mona: Oh, I feel swell! Gee, it's great to have people treat you so nice--you know, have your hair washed for you and your back rubbed.
- Jeff Bidwell: Yes, but you will never know the exquisite pleasure of a nice, fresh shave.
- Jeff Bidwell: [tying his neck-tie] There are three things in this world that nobody can do for you. One is brush your hair, one is tie your tie...
- Terwilliger: And the third?
- Jeff Bidwell: You guess!
- Jeff Bidwell: I don't think a little fresh air'd do me any harm.
- Elmer - Jeff's Chauffeur: Sure. Take a chance.
- Jeff Bidwell: But she thought she was just as smart as I am. And there isn't a woman in the world, Mike, who has a right to be that conceited.
- Claire Bidwell: Why do you love her, anyway?
- Jeff Bidwell: I don't know. Yes, yes, maybe I do. You see, when she jumped into that river, she was nothing. I dragged her out and I've made her something. Everything that she is, is me. She's my creation. My doing. Maybe it's just a touch of egotism, but she's mine just as much as if I'd made her out of a mud pie.
- Jeff Bidwell: Say, listen, lady. There's one thing you gotta learn right here and now. When it comes to lying, don't try to make a chump out of the old master.
- Claire Bidwell: I've never been jealous of any woman. I don't have to be. I've never seen any woman you had that I've had any reason to be jealous of.
- Jeff Bidwell: Oh, perfect, eh?
- Claire Bidwell: Too good for you. You don't want a woman to be on the level. You want all your women to be phony. You want them to adore you, worship you without question or criticism. And if they're not quite stupid enough for that, you want them to pretend. All which means you can't bear the truth about yourself. And you're a liar and... .
- [He cuts her off]